Talking frankly
 

I recently read NIK-KEY's thread re Suicide...................i pondered now i respond.


PICTURE THIS SCENARIO


you meet a new friend[opposite sex]

you like each other and arrange a date.

7pm at the cinema for a film you are wanting to see.

you arrive early...........6.45 [your choice]

7pm arrives your date is not there.

you wait.............i will give them 15 Min's you say out loud.

7.15 comes and goes .....you still wait hoping they arrive...........

7.30 the trailers have started.........no sign of your date ...yet you still wait patiently...........................

At 7 .45 you ring your date ...too see if a problem has occurred..


upon ringing your proposed date answers

conversation

HI......WHERE ARE YOU I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCNCE 6.45

oh I'm sorry i felt like staying in tonight and watching TV

OK ...I IMIGHT SEE YOU ANOTHER DAY.

yes, that would be nice


You may be thinking what was that about


i will now tell you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


The person who went to the cinema, chose to do so ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and do so early.


The person due to meet the person at the cinema chose not to go but stay home and do what they wanted to do ...............

The person who arrived early at the cinema and waited .............and.. past the time originally arranged too meet... chose to do this the person they were due to meet chose to dry their hair and not attend...................


WHO IS IN THE WRONG ????????????????????????????/////////

NOBODY


we all have a choice................not ...............that others like that choice but a choice....................
A..problem to one PERSON.................. is a molehill..................

TOO AN OTHER................... IT IS A MOUNTAIN..................................








SUICIDE..............IS A MOUNTAIN.. too those who regretably succeeed
but to those left behind it appears.......a mole hill......of in-significant problems


SADLY NOT ALWAYS THE CASE.

too those who have lost please dont ask why...ask how can iprevent another............


its not easy.................if it was meant to be any death would be easy

NIK-KEY states....................suicide to be worse.............it is and its not.............


some one with terminal cancer....takes their life it appears understood and then,

some one with gambling debts and two partners on the go... and money prolems ....................taes their life ..............and the main stream world say's that's ok


He deservered it.



.......................................

Never judge a suicide...........................unless your uin that persons head and thoghts..........which you cant be...................


that means dont judge.......................

ACCEPT LIFE & ITS FRAILTIES

((David)) I hope I have not offended you in my post about how to cope with my emotions after my Dad's suicide. It was not my intention. I also hope I do not offend you when I say I feel in the example that you have given, the person who did not show up for the date was rather selfish. Yes it was their choice to make. But it was not a choice that took into account anyone else’s feelings. In this example a simple phone call could have saved a lot of unnecessary hurt.

Suicide isn't as easy to deal with. I certainly wasn't given any choice in my Dad’s suicide.
I try not to judge anyone. I am not God, it is not my job or my right. I do not judge anyone who has thoughts about suicide. I know everyone has their own battles they must fight.

Having said that, I do however believe I have a certain right, every right, to question my Dad's choice. My life has been completely destroyed due his choice to kill himself. His act affected every single aspect of my life. So though I can not possibly know what was haunting him that day... I know what is haunting me now, and I am sure it will until I draw my last breath :(

This is what makes this forum family work. We each bring with us our own experiences and knowledge. We can see the war from both sides and hopefully through sharing we can reach others and save them from the hell we each know.

DEAR NIK-KEY

The hell we both know is so true dear friend......................

my anaalogy if overly simplistic was what someone conveyed to me 20 years ago ........................what yoy feel.....is not what others feel........


what you see.............is not what others see................

AS INDIVIDUAL HUMAN ENTITIES we experience things no-one else will expereience,

in your Darkest hour NIK-KEY.......i want you to truthfully know our Father did not intentionaly committ an act that was diliberatel;y done to disturb or upset you.....your Father reached a point were HE DECIDED it was time to end HIS inner turnoil........................

I'M SO SORRY YOUR HURTING. DEAR friend........................................

((David)) Thank you :hug: When I first came here you gave me peace. Consumed in deep pain all I remember was being overwhelmed, consumed in my grief. I remember so clearly everyone telling me how much Dad loved me, how I was his whole world. I remember thinking, sobbing, well he damn well didn't love me enough now did he! I remember wishing I could just go with him :(

You dear friend told me that I needed to try and understand that when Dad took his life all rational thought had left him. He wasn't able to think about me, our family... he was consumed in HIS pain ....making rational thought impossible. That helped me more than I can ever put words to.:hug: You gave me strength to stay, to fight my war.:hug:

And David, I am so sorry for all the pain you have had as well :hug:

Nik-key,and David
 

Bless your hearts. BF Steve:hug::hug::hug:

Asking WHY??? How could you do this? Asking it over and over is part of what survivors have to go through when our loved ones make this choice.

Trying to relearn this language of suicide in order to help people live with the results of being left behind is difficult for me because old habbits die hard..."choice" is no longer a desirable word to use. ~sigh Saying we "lost them to suicide"...they were overrun by depression..lost them to depressive illness...or they couldn't feel our love due to depression...as I said before, a suicide by any other name is still a suicide.

And we are the ruins of that decision. It takes a very long time to find reasons to live...it takes some of us longer than others. But that is what survivors have to do...we have to try to make sense out of a senseless act.

Prevention...what does one say to the repairman on the pantry floor, in tears from a phone call he's just answered. His only brother, his younger brother has just attempted suicide for the third time...serious attempts that he's been saved from before.

What does one say to this stranger that can offer some hope when in your heart you are pretty darn sure that one of those phone calls will bring news of his success.:(

Well, we shared one of "those" hugs and exchanged emails addresses and when he left...I prayed for them all.

I'm still reeling from the experience last Thursday. :(

d*m, I hate this beast!!!!!!!! And why, oh why, can't these 'blue' genes that some of us seem to carry be seen just as that, like cancer, or some other so called 'physical' disease?
Is it really senseless???? Is it senseless when someone makes lifestyle choices that cause cancer, or heart disease, but they still do it and then die from a heart attack?? What is truly the difference?? Is it the stigma?? Or is it simply because it is not understood??

I can see both sides. And what is needed is more discussion and more understanding. Yes, prevention is vital. But for that, more knowledge is needed. And all this, unfortunately takes time and dedicated people like Alffe, and now you Nikki, and David. And those of us who are coming along. I feel for, and pray for, all of us, on both sides of this storm.
TG for this forum and its members........:grouphug:

I think that clinical depression is a "terminal" illness like a lot of other terminal illnesses. I think what is senseless about giving up, is the finality of that "decision". It assumes that there will be no cure, no new drug to hold it at bay. No hope of new horizons...it's that "Forever Decision".

Mistiis I honestly don't know what more you can do than you are already doing to fight the beast. Pter fought it his entire life and died of natural causes. BJ has done everything she can think of to hold it at bay.

I think a lot of people are getting educated about recognizing the signs of depression, of reaching out to offer comfort...if you don't have people in your real life that can understand the difficulty you face just in trying to breathe in and out some days then you need new and different people around you. :grouphug: I honestly applaud your efforts and I really do care.

I can relate to all of this! I used to in my younger years think anyone that could take their own life had to be a coward, and that included myself! As the years went by and I saw all the suffering as a hospice nurse began to understand much more and my own experience last month made me rethink all of this! I can truly say I was not in my right mind that night, and but for the spark of sanity left in me I to would be gone! I love my family no matter how they have treated me and never once did i give a thought about anything except that I would be easing their pain by leaving this world..the pain of having to help me, of hiding plans for a weekend trip because I may want to go, the financial burden I felt responsible for! Now of course I can see the dumbness of this thinking and was even able to patch things up with my sisters by sharing all of this with them and hopefully I just may get more support but I won't be betting my life on it ! I also took control back from dh by letting im know I will be putting all my backpay in my own account in case I felt the need to get away from him and so far it has scared him enough to treat me better then I thought him capible so far! I don't know if the good will last but it feels amazing to feel I have some control over my life again and I don't want to risk losing it!
I couldnot have done all of this without the help and support I found here and I will be forever grateful and who knows, maybe someday I may be able to help someone else!
Sorry for the book!:)