Just Need To Talk
 

oh my gosh.... i had a big ole huge long post that just disappeared when i tired to correct a spelling error.... I'll come back later.... I cant typr it again so soon. my wrist is screaming at me. :(

Goofy, next time try hitting the "back" button! I hate it when that happens!

Leaving you hugs! :hug::hug::hug:

((goofy)) I am sorry you lost your post. I always copy and paste in word, or if it is a long post, I write it there and copy it here.

I wish I knew what was troubling you so I could offer better support. I hope it helps to know, no matter what you are facing we are here for you :hug: Keeping you in my thoughts my friend :hug: Nikki

Vicky, be sure you have the Remember Me button checked off. Otherwise..posts go poof when you change screens.

Try typing it out before logging on. Then just copy and paste. That way you can work on it on whenever.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Alos, go ahead and post. Then go back and do edits.

Ok..I’m going to try this again but I’m taking Curious’ advice and am going to copy and paste it..
Because of the ice and the fact that I live 3 miles from work, the lady who calls BINGO on Thursday nights wasn’t able to come so I came up to do it. A dear sweet lady named Lilian played and actually won one of the rounds. Afterwards her and I were standing in front of the reception desk and she said she was very tired and wanted to go up, take a shower and call it an early evening.

I gave her a big hug told her I loved her and that I’d see her “tomorrow”. She told me she loved me to and gave me a hug back and up the elevator she went. Friday morning her home health nurse came to give her, her insulin shot and she was fully clothed lying on the bed with an empty pill bottle beside her.

I was probably the last person she talked to. I’ve played this scene over and over in my mind trying to see if she gave some indication of her plans. Something in her voice or some mannerism out of the ordinary, but there was nothing.
How can I be angry at somebody who was in constant pain and was tired of it?
She had no hope of relief. She needed a knee replacement, a hip replacement, but because of her heart condition, the doctors would not do it. She had arthritis in all fingers and toes and in her spine, and suffered from neuropathy pain from her diabetis.
When I first started working at Rivermont Retirement home I was in the alzheimers unit. At first I viewed death as a horrible thing, but the more I was around the elderly, I realized how much pain and suffering some of them were experiencing. I saw how much loneliness some of them had in their lives and understood just a little why death was a welcome relief.

I’m very saddened by Lilians death, but I know it was her only hope. When I was able to drive the residents to their doctors appointments, (before I broke my wrist), her and I had many conversations about life and how unfair it was to the elderly.
Rick knows Lilians daughter. He use to go to church with her. I don’t know how her and her husband are handeling Her mothers death. I do plan on going to the funeral. Not for sure when it is.

I guess I just needed to talk…. Especially to my friends who are so familiar with suicide.
I love you guys…. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers daily!!!!
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

((goofy)) I find I just don't know what to say.... but I did want to offer you my support:hug: God is Lilian's judge, not us.. and I am positive she is in His embrace now, all of her pain gone in His healing touch. Keeping you and Lilian's family in my thoughts and prayers. :hug: Much love my friend, Nikki

I think I probably know how you are feeling right now, because I went through something similar just a few years ago.

Most of you know that I was a hospital nurse, and one night I worked a shift on the medical ward. We weren't overly busy that evening so we were in and out of each patient's room frequently, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Room 1 was a single room just near the nurse's station and as you can imagine, it was fairly noisy at times with the phone ringing and staff talking amongst themselves. With that in mind, it was nothing new for the patient using that room to close the door at night.

This night I'd given the gent in there his medications at around 9:30pm, and the next time I looked, he'd closed his door. As this was not unusual and the patient not seriously ill, we left the door closed until it was time to do our regular hourly check on everybody.

By the time that hour came around, he was dead; he'd hung himself in the bathroom. The police think I was the last person he talked to, as he hadn't made a call from his phone, and he didn't have visitors that evening.

Looking back over the evening there was absolutely nothing to suggest this gent was contemplating suicide. Like you I wracked my brain trying to remember what he'd said, trying to see if I'd missed something, wondering if there was something I should have said, and didn't.

This man had only been an inpatient for a few days, and the only consolation for me was when the doctor told me that the patient had probably been planning suicide, but waited until he was in hospital because he didn't want his daughter to be the one who found him (he lived with his daughter).

I still have this gentleman on my mind, and every now and then I go back over that night, all over again. I don't think there was anything I could have done, but I'll always wonder.

Please know that I'm thinking of you. :hug:

goofy and Anne...

gosh...what does one say?? Especially when you might have been the last ones to had seen that person alive??

I can understand not being able to see the signs...

I remember going bowling and was laughing and joking while I planned it all out in my head...if the plan would've came through and I was very very very very close...the people I bowled with would've said that they'd had no clue...

(luckily for me, my INTERNET friends picked up the clues(very very minor clues) and called the cops and saved my life)

and I wouldn't have wanted ANY of them to ask themselves if they could've done anything for me or second guess themselves or think that they could've saved me...

I guess that's the perspective that I can give from this end...

my heart goes out to you, vicks...(((BIG HUGS)))

and to you too, Anne (((BIG HUGS)))

when there are no warning signs, maybe it is bc they are trying especially hard to not let you pick up on any signs.

I'm so sorry, Goofy and Anne. (((hug)))

I heard my Uncle Fred couldn't stand the pain any longer and ended his life about 10 years ago. He was so sweet to my Aunt Helen (his sister). She had many health problems and so he would wash her hair and put rollers in it!

He had such a cute laugh, too. *sigh