I am hurt and angry
 

A cousin of mine whom i haven't heard from in at least 3 years called me and I'm not happy with the conversation. She asked me how I was doing and I said good. She wanted to know what city I lived in so I told her. I have been in the same city for 50 years so I asked her why did she have to ask me what city I live in. She said the family was all scattered and she just had to get it straight. Then she asked me for my address and I gave her my P.O. Box number. She then asked me for my physical address. I told her that was why I have a P.O. box so that certain people don't know where I live. She asked me if I was alright. I hate that question in that phrase, "are you alright?" To me that means that they think I am having an epidsode with my BP and need help. My older brother had to put the cousin up to calling me and fish for where I live. My brothers did not want a thing to do with me when I was down and out but now that they think I'm coming into a small fortune for me they want in my life. My brothers want to control me too and that is one reason why they are out of my life on my part. Many a time I've been committed when they had control of me and I really didn't need to be committed. I am very capable of signing myself in the hospital if I were to ever need it. I'm so hurt and angry at this cousin for fishing for my where abouts. And for my whole family to say stuff like, "are you alright?" instead of, "how are you doing?" angers me. If I don't want to be their puppet when they pull the strings they act like I'm not alright.

i'm sorry barbara
 

You know "are you alright" and "how are you doing" are so subtly different. but you are right they are different. it would be my wish that it were a simple matter of phrasing. you know, that could be.

HOWEVER, since there is history with your family not acting in your best interest, i can surely appreciate your being wary of such questions and such differences in how something is phrased. i too am very attune to how something is stated... and the possible implications.

on the other hand, don't take anything for certain. perhaps your cousin just used "the wrong words." i am NOT suggesting you give out your address. just that perhaps you suspend judgement, while at the same time protecting yourself (by not giving out your address).

i would like to hope that perhaps your cousin was not put up to making this call by your brothers or any malintent.

but i do understand how it can seem that way, and certainly, there is no telling.

i'm sorry this has come down on you as well. even if it were just a feeling of doubt. like you don't have enough crud with your neighbors :(

:hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves. My brothers have seemed to be behind getting others trying to get information out of me before.

I just want my family to leave me alone. They are controlling abusive people. I have been told by more than one counselor to leave them alone and not have them in my life. If there were any chance that they are not unhealthy for me I would grab it but I've long ago lost any hope of that. I really am fine without them. I've moved past the need of having or thinking I want them in my life.

My oldest brother is very abusive. One time I got yelled and screamed at by him for asking him to hold on while I saw who was on the other phone line. That is just one of thousands of incidents of his abusive behavior. He's told me one time I was a pain in the butt for not being able to drive where they wanted me to like at other family's places. When he told me that I had not even asked for a ride but had set up paid transportation at my expense to my younger brother's house. Now I have friends more than willing to drive me places and they are not even family. I married an abusive man because that was what I was use to with my family. I'm breaking away from those people who are unhealthy for me and my family is one of those people.

Sounds like you have set up some healthy boundaries.
good for you barb.
beth

Dear Barbara,

Your bothers are weird. It is good that you have managed to stay away from them.

Keep embracing the good in your life.

M

Thank you Beth and Mari. Yes, my brothers are weird. It's sad too that they use me having BP as as excuse to other family members to their advantage.