Everything is dark right now...
 

Sorry guys.

Im having a bad moment right now, here in my room....

It is one of those days when I hate myself.... I hate to look me in a mirror... I hate my life.... Wish i could change everything... I feel angry... I think I have done several mistakes and that they cant be solved...

One of those moments when Im not sure God exists... I dont think he listens to me in case he really exists...

I just... dont know... everything I think about, makes me cry, makes me want to quit...

I cant stand my parents... My father has another family and he has never accepted it....
I have always wanted a boyfriend, but in 25 years, I have had any...
My friends, I dont know if they are real... or if they are only "mates".... but not friends...

Everybody seems to be living their lifes and Im not included....

Im sick all the time... When Im not depressed, I have pain... When I cant sleep, nobody cares... my mother is always in her world, she thinks Im crazy, she thinks I exaggerate everything....

My father only thinks about money....

I dont have siblings... My 4 granparents died...

In my family the words "depression", "suicide", are just... stupidities... exaggerations... nothing serious...

I feel like everybody is tired of me...

I dont have money to go and see my doc... My skin hurts, my nose bleeds... I cant open my eyes coz they are too dry...

I just wish I was somebody else....

Tired of myself...

I wish I could simply turn off the light and never need to turn it on again...

Thanks for reading.

Don't be sorry! Never feel bad about reaching out for help or for support.

I daresay you've noticed by now, but we're very good at support here. It's one of the things that we do best! :grouphug:

We may not always have the answers to your problems, but we will always have a shoulder for you to lean on; always have an ear that will listen; always have arms to wray around you in a loving hug!

I'm so sorry that you're feeling down at the moment BlueMajo, and believe it or not I understand, because I've been there myself.

Reading through your post, I can relate to so much of what you've written....... have felt so many of the feelings that you feel now.

You have friends here that care. .... people understand when you said .....I understand that you don't literally mean turning out the lights; I understand that it goes deeper than that.

Please know that we're here for you. We're here to give you a shoulder to lean on........ to listen when you need to talk.

Sending you hugs BlueMajo. :hug:

Please feel better soon.

I'm so sorry you are so blue, BlueMajo.

My brother doesn't believe in depression. He doesn't understand that you can't just "get over it." So I asked him about a couple of anxiety attacks that landed him in the hospital. They thought something must be wrong with his heart, but no, it was anxiety. I turned it around and told him next time to just "get over it."

Last weekend I saw a giant billboard that read: "You don't just tell someone with cancer to 'snap out of it.' Depression is real."

Isn't there some way or someone to educate your parents so that they understand? A therapist? A doctor? A book?

I'm so sorry you don't have a grandparent to talk to. Have you tried to track down any friends from school? You need someone to talk to -- not necessarily about depression, but someone to meet for lunch and chat.

The best advice I can offer is to get some sleep. The sun will rise in the morning and lift your spirits. Do you have a hobby? Maybe plan a trip to buy new supplies tomorrow. Shopping always lifts MY spirits, I know! ;)

I hope you will check in tomorrow and let us know if you are doing better. :hug:

Does writing about things help you to release some of those feelings?
It works for me, sometimes I write a whole post and then feel better just by getting it out, so i don't even submit it.
But you have 24 hrs to edit or delete a post...

((BlueMajo)) Please never feel sorry for posting what you feel, what is in your heart. That takes GREAT courage, and is something you should be proud of:hug: Reaching out, takes more strength than keeping it buried. I am glad you were able to feel safe enough here to reach out:hug:

I am sorry for all the pain you are feeling, physical and emotional :( It must be difficult feeling as you are and not having your family support. You have family right here, and we will help you in any way we can:hug:

I know nothing of the health care plans where you live, but most places do offer assistance to those who can not afford medical care. Is there anything like that you can look into?

I wish I was in a better place right now myself so I could try to spin you a world of pixies and rainbows. :rolleyes: From your post, I gather you have had these feelings before? What were you able to do to get yourself out of this funk? Is there anything I/we can do to help? Sometimes, just knowing you are not alone, and that other people will simply listen to you is so valuable. We are really great listeners here:hug:

Keeping you in my thoughts ((Blue)) :hug: Nikki

Thank you so much for your messages ! They mean a lot to me. I really appreciate them :) Really...
I think I will give sleep a try since tomorrow is my professional exam and somehow I have to do it...

Thank you !

((Blue)) you are most welcome. As ((twink)) said, sleep is always good for clearing your head. I am headed to bed myself, but wanted to stick around to make sure you were ok. :hug: Thanks for posting! Best of luck on your exam tomorrow. Know that we are always here for you:hug: Keeping you in my thoughts:hug:

I'm sure I speak for many when I say good luck with your exam tomorrow.

I went back to school when I was 37 years old and got myself a Science Degree, so I understand the pressure that you're under with important exams looming.

Just try and remember the out come WHEN you pass..... not IF you pass, but when!

I'll be thinking of you, so please come back tomorrow evening and let me know how you think you went. OK?

Hugs for now, and as much support as I can muster up to help you through tomorrow. :hug:

Bluemajo:hug:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7hDn...eature=related


There are many here in this forum who will respond, when you need a helping hand.


David
:hug:

Thinking of you, BlueMajo. :hug:
I'm so very sorry you're in such pain. :(
Best wishes for your exam. I hope you got some much needed sleep. Please check in to let us know you're alright there.