Help or NO Help?
 

I have followed a few threads over the years in this forum about:

1. What to say when people ask stupid question/think they should see you in a wheelchair tomorrow/way too personal/etc.

2. The people above or friends or family want to help in some way.

I don't know...maybe it is old age or the antidepressants that evoke my reaction (those little white pills make me very mellow indeed:D).

I wanted to start a new thread so that I do not take away from any one thread of its own target/vent.

I HATE this disease and wish I was the stupid person asking the question rather than being the target of the question. That being said, I cannot control their action only my reaction.

So I answer whatever questions in a kind manner. In part, it depends on whether I LIKE that person as to how much detail I go into. Those who are just irritating get short answers and I make a get away. Somehow the bathroom always seems to be calling my name and I just hope that irritating person does not follow me into the stall!:eek:

Secondly, people want to help. It can be YOUR gift to them to accept help. It makes them feel good, useful. And there may be a day that you want help and since you have denied them, you may find they are not there when you truly NEED company/friendship/errands.

Accepting help does not make you helpless. There is no badge of honor for being independent until you cannot function.

MS is horrible. My ANGER is more with myself than any well meaning stupid person or friend that needs to do something when THEY think you are in need.

I guess I just reflect back to myself. I have asked PLENTY of stupid questions and have been permitted to help friends.

There for the grace of God go I.

Just my philosophy. :)

Good thoughts. Thanks for posting them.

gmi

I would have clicked the "thanks" button three times if they had let me. Amen.

When I see those threads, I always assume that there is some specific reason for the rant and the goal is to get like-minded replies.

In all honesty, I can come up with a quick quip but rarely use them myself.

I think it's super important to remember that this online community is a miniscule microcosm of an already finite population. The next layer is that we're not always of a mind to post things about how a kind stranger held a door, lifted groceries, or how a friend went out of his/her way to grab a gallon of milk or bring in our mail.

No matter where we go in this world, there are people doing and saying stupid things. With this disease, we tend to encounter those special moments a little more often.

When those threads come up, I receive them as a sort of invitation to the playground of our minds. I honestly don't believe that anyone feels as sharply as those goofy posts make it seem.

yeah Cindy. I think you are totally right.

I think I posted one of those threads about six months after I was first dx (2007) (regarding the stupid things people may say) because I was shocked by the comments. Maybe I am becoming more mellow too or more used to them because they no longer bother me in the same way that they did. I have never been annoyed when someone offers to help me.:) It just makes me wish I would have offered to help individuals more in the past.

Whuh!! You didn't think my "Bah and Blah..I hate MS in the Summer" thread was serimous..huh huh..:mad: :D

Talk about not meaning to be mean but stupid anywa. Don't just happen to us MS people. DS had 2 friends over, one says to kid of divorced parents, the Mom a really bad alcoholic who's been arrested, in rehabs, taken away in ambulances incoherent and screaming , kid says (Like a 17 YEAR OLD WOULD SAY) " Your Mom is really crazy, huh?" That's one of those things you can say about your own. family member. no body else can. That Mom's boy's face fell. "All moms are crazy" I said to fill the silence and to illustrate my point chased my own son in my wheelchair. Sometimes I don't know whose pain is greatest.

It's just life. One day you can be mad at the world, the next your fine with anything anyone says and the next day your indifferent. I think the threads posted are just that, a day of frustration or what not.

This is a place we can come and say whatever, whenever, however and know that there will be at least one person who gets it that day.

I love this place. :hug: