Wy would someone do this? Espeically someone who loves you?
 

Why . . . not wy. . . I was so upset I didn't see this until I posted it. . .


I don't think it was directed at me, there would be no reason, but today my partner so severely pruned all our rose bushes that they may die. My big blooming Carefree Delights and my round and lovely Pink Meidilands are gone! I can't even bear to look out the front door right now. . . it is so ugly out there. Why would she do this even though we have books that say not to cut them back until winter? She knows better. All she could say is she couldn't work around them . . . so she trimmed them.

They are gone. . . the one sight I could count on every day. . .

I have never screamed like I did when I looked outside. . . she came running probably expecting to see my arm dangling and bloody or a huge spider devouring my foot or something. . . I really freaked. The one thing I could count on daily to be bright and beautiful . . . and now they are gone. I really flipped out . . .

Am I being too sensitive. . . . or should I worry that she wasn't thinking straight when she went beyond trimming, and took almost all the foliage and all the buds and blooms off of our roses? I am so depressed right now. . . .

Hmmm...
If she knows how you love seeing the roses out the window...
and she didn't even mention wanting to trim them ...???

either she got very frustrated at the bushes and cut them wayyy back out of anger at the moment
or she was being passive aggressive... about something else:(

I am sorry this happened to you ...In my 41yrs of marriage I have seen my husband do some pretty amazing and sometimes hurtful things.
He really can get inconsiderate when ill, or highly stressed.
On a daily basis he is a nice considerate guy...That was a major reason we got together and have lasted this long.

I think stress can make a person do things they would not normally do.

When I get stressed I tend to yell and it is over... he acts it out.
When he had a terrible boss years ago, it was hard living with him sometimes..He'd be so distracted at home and lose his normal self at times. He has always been a quiet type, and I have tried to open communication skills for him and it did work some.

I don't know what else to say...I can only come at this situation you are having from my own experience and point of view.

We all get stressed in different ways. We are all human and show it sometimes. Or having a bad stupid gardening moment (gardeners not prone to do) or a shout- out, passive aggressive? Talk.

I don't know how long a relationship you two have, or how long at this place, with those roses.

First let me tell you, they will probably live.


I know, that is NOT the point though.

My dh and I have an agreement about the yard though - he stays on HIS side of the land scape timbers, and I stay on MINE.

:D

If he weed whips off the top of my flowers, he knows I'm gonna tell him WHAT. And I don't mess up the grass. It's about respect, not the lawn.

I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think those were YOURS and if they were in somebody's way, somebody should have asked what to do about it, and not just hacked them to bits. Somebody owes you an explanation and an appology.

If her car was in your way, would it be okay if you just rammed it with yours? I don't think she'd think so!



:eek:

WE have cooled down and discussed what happened, and she truly did not relate the time of year to the trim she thought they needed. I reminded her that these two roses are different because they don't require that they be so groomed as do hybrids and teas. And yes, they probably will survive. . . .

It is the loss of the foliage and blooms at a time of year they are their best. . . I am still amazed how much pleasure I get from these easy-care roses. I will miss them. I know the biggest shock was based on the fact that within the last week I had remarked how very beautiful they had become and how much I enjoy them. There was no ill will intended.

Go from here and see what happens. With DH I have found out the hard way I must be very explicit in everything, l leave nothing/ no stone or subject unturned. No gray areas. "Do NOT touch my roses. Problem? See me first. As a team we'll figure it out."

I would think DH was lying if he said he didn't know now was wrong time to trim. Anyone who doesn't know beginning of summer is wrong time to trim shouldn't be trimming. Even I know that and I know not to weed, I always don't ID correctly. JMHO.

I was of the same mind, but I'm glad you said it first. That is the MO of the passive/aggressive. They don't confront you. They don't engage if you confront them. They just use all the gas in your car, and if you call him/her on it, "Oh, did I? Gee, so sorry! It won't happen again." Only it does. Or next time, they *accidentaly hack all your roses down.

"Well how was I supposed to know you don't cut them when they are full of flowers, in mid July?"

Yeah right. Like a 5 yr old doesn't know that.

:rolleyes:

That's the very definition of passive/aggressive behavior.

Ask me how I know - 25 yrs with one. They are like the jealous little dog who can't speak, and so she pees on the carpet to get revenge.

They are like the spiteful, spoiled children who doodle *I hate Mommy* because they've been sent to their room.

Sorry, but I think your friend is going to keep exhibiting these behaviors. Doing your laundry and accidently bleaching or shrinking things. Things will go missing, and she won't have a clue where they went if you ask her. If she makes some mistake, she will always have some great explaination, some justification.

Even you will feel it's you're fault - you are too sensitive. You must be. Everyone else thinks she's wonderful, don't they? She never says an unkind word in front of others, I would bet. She's charming and nice. So it must just be you....

You know, I really hope I'm wrong. But I saw myself in your post. 25 yrs + of *Why did he do that?* then thinking, *Why am I so sensitive* when he had some perfectly rational excuse.

I always thought it was me.

People who love you, real friends... they don't need all the excuses and rationalizations.

maybe she has ocd