Just can't do this anymore!
 

Hey everyone,
It's been a while. I just need to let things out and I hope you don't mind. I am suffering from diverticulitis and then am depressed at the same time. I can't stand it anymore, I want OUT! I just can't keep living like this. I am very scared the docs are going to say it's all in my head. I just wonder if that makes them feel better when they can't find the answer?
My depression is getting worse each day that goes by. I just can't do this anymore, my head is saying I want out. I just don't know why I am even supposed to be here in the first place. I believe God has put me here to suffer. I have achieved that goal, I don't want any part of it anymore. I can't go on like this, it's way too HARD!
Maybe am being selfish, and maybe that's what I am. I am many other bad things too but don't want to push myself over the edge right now. I just feel like there is always something wrong with me, it's one thing or another, or then now it's both. Am sick of being sick. :(
Thanks for listening.
:hug: Jen

HI Jen :hug:

I'm sorry to read you're in this nasty headspace again.... :hug: boy, I know how that feels... are you reaching out to talk to anyone there?.... or are you just wanting to vent cuz you know "this, too, shall pass"....

when I first heard that saying above.... I didn't like it.... especially when someone said it to me when I was in the throes of my depression... I still don't really like the saying... even though its true...

do you think you should get yourself to the hospital Jen?
:hug:
Addy

i don't know about the hospital, I haven't been out very long. I am just scared of the unknown I guess. I really want OUT!

Hi Jen. :hug:

Here are some Winconsen numbers that I want you to look at and save. Please look them over, and when you're feeling really low like it seems like you are now, please think about ringing them.

It won't hurt, especially if you'd rather not go to hospital. They exist only to help people like yourself. http://suicidehotlines.com/wisconsin.html

I don't know if you've noticed the Sleepless thread up above, but if I'm online, I'll always chat to people in need, in the wee small hours of the night. If you want to talk to some-one, post a message there and if I'm around, you'll hear back from me within 10-15 minutes, usually.

Sending you some loving hugs.....:hug:

depression
 

Hello Jen, My name is hutch and I am 49 years old. I have suffered from depression almost all my life--on and off (though mostly on). I also suffer from MANY health issues. I feel that depression by far is the most difficult to deal with out of all of them. I really do understand how hopeless you can feel when you are in the myst of it. I also understand how the mental health doctors and system work. To put it bluntly---it sucks! with that being said---there are good doctors out there and you MUST keep looking until you find someone that you feel comfortable with and you know are on your side. Believe me when I say there are some good doctors out there to help!!! You have to realize that you are worth it, and deserve the best care. It took me years to realize this about myself. I was not a very assertive person until I figured this out. Also, don't be so hard on yourself---this is not your fault--you did not ask for this. But as you know life is not a dress rehearsal, so you owe it to yourself to seek out the right doctor who can help you get your life back. Please take my word for it, finding the right doctor is well worth the effort. Take good care of yourself---I wish you all the best in your search for the right doctor for you. hutch

(((Jen))) It sounds like your docs need to update, add to, or change your meds somehow. And I always recommend hunting for a good therapist. Ask around about therapists in your area.

And that diverticulitis. You poor thing. ((hugs)) I have ulcerative colitis and when that flares it makes about everything else more difficult.

And don't forget to baby yourself and do things that you like to do, whether it be soak in a bubble bath or watch a good movie.

I'm sorry you feel so bad. It will get better. :hug:

Just an update
 

Hi everyone, and thank you to those of you who have given me your kind words, and support.
I just got out of my local hospital due to the diverticulitis. I was in 1 night, but couldn't stand it there anymore. I felt like a prisoner, and had to get out so told him i felt better and now am home. I do feel a bit better, at least I think.
As for the depression, am not doing so good. Being in the hospital gave me lots of time to think, not get some good rest, but think. My Psychologist is out this week so won't have anyone to talk to. She is on vacation, will have to wait till next week, which is a bummer. When she goes on vacation I feel like I have been abandoned. I know sounds stupid, but feel that way. I was supposed to have an appointment with my social worker tomorrow, but cancelled because of being in the hospital and didn't know I was going to be able to leave today.
Anyways,
Thanks for listening.
Jen:grouphug:

(((Dearest Jen))):hug:

I have sent you a PM, wrapped in lots of love:Heart:

You have so much value! An incredible amount! You life is important! You have purpose! A joyful life...with your name on it... is awaiting your arrival!

Sent you something...from the depths of my heart... to yours.

I can only hope it helps somehow, some day, in some way.

I understand the temptation to give up... I really do. Yet, doing so is not in your best interest.

Something better awaits you right here... on this earthly plane.

Fight for your life... you will see what I mean!!!

(((Gentle Healing Hugs, Dearest Jen)))):hug::grouphug:

We are all sending you our love, Jen. You are worthy!!!
Your life is worthy!!!!:grouphug:

This is the truth, Jen. "Know"it, even when you may not "feel" it.
You will "feel" it in time.:grouphug:

Dear Jen
 

I understand desperation,emotional crashings,depression,OCD,and panic attacks. I know the feeling of being alone,and disconnected from everyone.Try to take one day at a time. The doctor might be trying to use a bad form of psychology on you.

These doctors are human,and they are going to make mistakes. I've had about 7,or 8 Psychiatrists,and two of them caused a situation where I was not treated right in a Psych Ward. I think that the modern Psych Ward isn't much better then what they had in the dark ages. That caused me to question what in the world did they do that for. They didn't listen,and they jumped to conclusions,and I suffered more for their misunderstandings.

The Lord will bring you up out of this horrible pit. BF:hug::hug::hug:

you can do this. i promise...you can do this.