BJ's our Miracle
 

Hi everyone, I'm starting a new thread. As BJ starts this new experience.
She has requested that from now on we all say she is going to have a miracle.

So from now on BJ is our MIRACLE on the Bipolar Forum, and many others.

BJ we all love you, you don't have a clue how many of us you have inspired.
I remember all the trials and tribulations your job have put you through.
But you were a fighter and didn't let it get you down.
I also remember when they weren't fair, and I believe they fired you. You
fought back, and you are back again.

Gosh you are a inspiration to anyone with a mental illness. Because I know
many young adults that think its not possible to go out and do a job.
Let alone have a employer walk all over you. And get up and brush yourself off and say I'M NOT TAKING IT!

I really hope one day when this is all over you'll consider writing a book.

Because many people need to know anything is possible.

I also believe you have some very special angels watching over you.

Especially your mom, she is so PROUD of her BJ.

Donna

Dear BJ,
Welcome to your miracle thread.
People here care about you.

When you can, feel some hope and feel the good energy in your body doing its work for you.

M.

Dear BJ, our girlie,
Yes you are a miracle.
In so many ways you have fought to stay alive, by reaching out for support from your medical health care team. You worked on facing the past, no matter how hard it was for you.
You're dealing with the severe cycles of being bipolar and the trauma of being hospitalized and taking those baby steps along the way to feeling better.
you took your first part of your cpa exam and passed doing well even after ect treatments.
You are a miracle woman for sure.
WE are here for you, ready to listen and encourage you in what ever lies ahead.
WE love you.
bizi

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I keep thinking they haven’t caught it in time or if they did it will come back, like it did for my mom. I also feel a bit isolated. Not because I don't have people who care about me, but because as much support as I have, I am still the one that actually has cancer. The consequences are much different. If all that I am going through doesn't work, I lose my life. The sun doesn't come up the next day for me like it would for everyone else.

Your right Beth, I’ve worked too hard for this. I refuse to let cancer be the thing that takes me down.

I do believe in miracles Donna. My mom called me a miracle baby. I only weighed 3.1 lbs at birth and had to be in an incubator for some time. They didn’t think I’d make it, but I survived and I will survive this.

There must be some support groups at the local hospital that you could go to for support. Or at the clinic so you will not feel so alone in all of this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

SEnding some positive thoughts your way for tomorrow.
(((((((HUGS))))))
you can do this....
bizi

There is a support group at the hospital Beth which I plan on joining. I know that I need to share with people IRL.

I just want this first one over. I have to be there at 10 and they'll give me anti-nausea meds and Benadryl first then start chemo around 11AM. I hope the Benadryl makes me fall asleep because I couldn't sleep at all last night.

hugs to you today
(((((((((HUGS))))))))
bizi

She is done with her first chemo by now...
sending warmth and love her way.

:circlelove::heartthrob::circlelove::heartthrob: :circlelove::heartthrob:
bizi

I've been gone all day, and slept some tonight. But I"ve been thinking of you. Miracle that you are. And all the love we send.

I personally draw strength from your writing here when I'm down.

Thank you for being you

Donna:grouphug:

Dear BJ,

Sending you love.

:hug: :hug: :hug:
M.

(((BJ)))

I'm wondering how you made out yesterday and I sure hope you were able to sleep.

:hug:

I’m still feeling like a wet noodle and can't be upright for more than a few minutes at a time but at least I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, #1 is over. I thought I had an idea of what chemo would be like but I was wrong.

I had to get a shot today to build up my white cells; I can’t remember what it was called, neupo something. She told me it would make me feel achy because it's stimulating the bone marrow and was she ever right. I’ve barely been able to get up from the sofa for a few minutes without feeling so weak. Hooper’s enjoying all the cuddles though.

I really thought I was a strong person and I thought that I could power through anything that I put my mind to, but now I know that strength really has nothing to do with it. It is an oversimplification to say that you can just decide you are going to beat cancer. It is hard-really hard. Harder than anything I have ever done and harder than anything that I ever plan to do again. I have to redefine my definition of strength because the one that I had is not enough.

As soon as I feel a bit better I’ll share how my day went. It was full of waiting, anxious moments and many tears. The chemo nurses were wonderful though and helped me see through.

You take your time BJ, you're our Miracle woman and we'll keep posting even if you can't. You're AMAZING! :D :hug: :grouphug:

Dear BJ,
Your feelings about this are going to go up and down and all around.

You don't have to be strong.
(I actually gave into my bipolar a long time ago. I know that is not the same thing as you are going through)

Don't be strong. Focus on being good enough to survive when you get to the other end of the treatment.

Focus on one day and one task and do what you can. You don't even have to be your best. Do what you can. "Can" is the part you need.

You need to be here with us at the end of this process and you will be.

(I hope some of this make sense.)

M.

Dear Bj,
Thank you for getting back to us.
It sounds like it was a very hard day for you but you made it thru day one and now almost day two.
you can do this we will help you.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

i know it sounds strange but maybe you are finally learning to not be so very hard on yourself. what a painful lesson. i am relieved that the nurses are so humane..thank God you are in warm hands. thank you so much for keeping us informed
bobby

(((((((((((((((BJ)))))))))))))

Thinking about you.... Always in my mind....

I will pray for you... Life is full of miracles, and this is one....

Love to BJ

Donna:grouphug:

more hugs
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Dear BJ,
Every one goes through this differently and each day / phase is going to bring a different perspective.

My work friend has support from his wife and some support at work but he is not really talking about it -- just updating us occassionally about what his next appt is or about his next series is.

I'd feel better if you got hooked up with some support groups. You can probably find more than one. http://bestsmileys.com/friendly/3.gif
You might find the support of other people to be invaluable.
Also, you can offer the other members of the group your support. That is part of the dynamic of a group of course.



M.

Thinking of you today dear bj,
let us here how you are doing when you are up to it.
((((((HUGS))))))))
bizi:hug::hug::hug:

I'm thinking of you too BJ just haven't been on to post.

Donna

BJ IS a Miracle
 

BJ IS a Miracle! She was recently in the throes of her second surgery, and still took the time to answer some of my pressing questions. She is wonderful! billie

She is amazing! I wish I could help her....
bizi

I believe all the thoughts, love and BJ is our miracle are helping her.

I know we all want to be there with her, holding her hand, wiping the
sweat off her face and telling her we love her.

But I think she knows all that. So we can do the next best thing return
to the threads daily, and send the same messages.

BJ is a miracle, but more than that she is our BJ. And she is loved.

BJ we are your family all over the world.

Donna:hug:

:grouphug:

Bump for our girlie,
let us hear from you when you are up to it.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear BJ
 

I am not caught up with this thread yet but i just wanted to leave you a quick note to say i care, and not a day goes by when i don't think about you. seriously.

hang in there sweetie. :hug:

~ waves ~

Dear BJ (((:grouphug:))) :hug::hug::hug: How are you doing?:confused::( I hope that you are with people in a support group. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I will second BF here BJ.... how are you ? when you have the time and feel like doing it, let us know how are you doing...

:hug:

I heard from bj, I hope she will come post here....
bizi

I am dismayed by how lonely an experience cancer is. Nobody wants to hear about your cancer all the time. But I have it every day. Being a cancer patient or a cancer survivor has become a part of who I am and I can't turn it off.

I do not think it is possible for anyone to ever understand how we feel unless they have been through it themselves. Breast cancer is unlike other cancers. It is devastating. Not just because we are faced with our own mortality, most cancer patients feel that. It isn't because we have to go through the barbaric and primitive chemo treatments. A lot of other cancer patients have to deal with the debilitating side effects.

Cancer forces people to face their mortality; it forces people to deal with the dangerous side effects of chemo and the emotional drain that it generates. It forces people to endure invasive surgeries, sometimes multiple surgeries. It forces people to cope with the fatigue from chemo. It makes us reconsider the quality of our lives and the meaning of our lives. And to put a cherry on top you are bipolar.

I feel like crawling under a rock. I’ve been through the worst week of my life with nausea and achiness from the shots I have to give myself to get my WBC count up. I’ve had horrible nightmares of me holding my mom’s hair while she was sick from the chemo. But I’d give anything right now to have that moment back, as painful as it was for her. I know that sounds selfish but she was my mom, she endured what I'm going through. If there was ever a moment I wished for my mom it would be now.

Dear BJ,

It is good to hear from you.
You are doing a good job. You are.
I'm sending prayers and hugs.
M.

I'm a cancer survivor BJ....twice, and I know all about people not wanting to hear ... when all you want to do is talk.

I know how it feels to be made feel like all you're doing is thinking and talking about yourself.

I know that people really don't want to listen, and I do wonder if maybe they're afraid they'll catch the cancer off you, just by talking (or getting too close)! :rolleyes:

I know what it's like to simply hope for a friendly ear; one that will actually listen without judging.

Please know that I'm here for you anytime you need some-one to talk to who's been there too BJ.

I didn't have chemo, but I did have major surgery, and I do have to have regular checks, because both the types I had are likely to reoccur.

I don't have BP but I do have MS, and I guess that no matter what the particular cross we each have to bear, it seems that having cancer on top of another chronic illness, just makes it that bit harder to cope.

Hang in there BJ. You're being brave, and each of us are here for you... standing by you.... lending that ear :hug:

Dear BJ,
Thank you for writing to us.
Thank you for being honest.
Thank you for trusting us with your words...your feelings.
I am honored that you are with us today.
I can't tell you that I understand what you are going thru because I can't.
But I can tell you that we share some things in common.
We are women trying to hang on to our identity.......
We are sisters who have lost a brother to suicide....
We have bipolar and have to deal with the rollar coaster ride of emotions....
WE have this mental illness and have to deal with the stigma that this brings to us....
Even so,
We are part of a village of people here who care about us.
You are part of this village.
Please don't forget about us.
love
bizi

Bj

I can add that I too am hear and I am always willing to listen. I want you to now that. I may not know what its like to have cancer, but I do now what its like to have fear.

And I have a sister who had cancer and I know how much having others listen matters.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear BJ
 

Hugs. I've seen Christina Applegate on Oprah,and other programs talking about her bout with breast Cancer. It must be awful,on top of everything else.

((((Hugs))) from me to you. Your in the Lords hands. You are going through sufferings sort of like Job,in the book of Job in the Bible. He never lost his faith through it all. BF :hug::hug::grouphug::hug::hug:

Dear BJ
 

It is true we do not really "understand" ... much like my talking about mood extremes to someone who has not had them ... does not understand.

The mortality aspect is another thing as you point out. But I have been hoping your faith will help carry you through that. No matter what happens.

I hope you have found a group of people you can share with who also have cancer and perhaps specifically breast cancer, so that they will understand in a more intimate way. On the other hand, I will say, each person's way of experiencing these things is a little different... so to some degree, each person does face mortality alone.

As for us. Well. We may not be able to stop the process, stop your cancer, any more than i could stop a bus that was able to hit me head on. But i can try to jump out of the way. That is really the difference about facing mortality. I have been in mortal or severer physical danger before but it has been only in split seconds. they were terrifying and obviously i got out. The difference is cancer traps you in those split seconds. It doesn't let you get out. It's a big bus that is perpetually about to run you over. I guess that's the best i can do in terms of analogy.

As for the physical suffering... no i cannot imagine. I have tried. I have tried to imagine putting together all the aspects you've talked about but have not lived it. But I LISTEN, and I TRY. I WANT TO. Just like all of us here.

Sometimes i don't post more because i feel like it's putting pressure on you to post, and i don't want you to have more pressures. But even if i don't / cannot fully understand, i am not sick of you or hearing about your burden and all of the baggage it carries.

Trust me, you are a lot more "sick of your suffering" - coz you are IN IT - than I or the rest of us are. We are available to you. Right along with your support group if you found one. If you have the energy, and if you want to, I would like to have a daily update from you.

It doesn't matter if it sounds like the one from the day before. The fact is two days lived a certain way are different than one day lived that way. 40 days lived a certain way are different than 2 days. See what i mean?

You are a dear person. Please do not push us away for fear of being pushed away.

Please post to us. Talk to us about the mundane the not so mundane, the stitches, the holding of hair, the fatigue, the pain, the fear, the different fears. Tell us all about that perpetually about to hit you bus.

We care about you BJ and we will not get tired of you. I worry when i don't hear from you.

And please hold on to hope, and to your faith. I hope you are not in despair. Are you?

:heartthrob: :grouphug: :heartthrob:

~ waves ~

Footsteps In The Sand
 

(((((((((((BJ))))))))))

Im here for you... anytime you want to talk, I will listen....

Keeping you in my prayers...

Take care.