[snowboarder13]

Sometimes the richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten. If you never remember things in your past who is to say you wont make the same mistakes? People today look to the future as if it holds the keys to everything.

But I've been looking at poeple and how they've changed with the times. Lately all I've been seeing are poeple throwing love away and losing their minds. Or maybe its me thats gone crazy because I cant understand why all these people keep hurting eachother, when good love is so hard to come by. So whats the glory in leaving? Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore? And if love never lasts forever, tell me whats forever for?

Its not just love between boyfriends/ girlfriends, husband/ wife, or any other combination that is going to waste. What about children and their parents? I see kids all the time running away because they 'think' they hate their parents or their parents hate them. If you had no choice but to be taken away from your parents or the other way around, you'd understand why I have such a problem with runaways. Dont get me wrong, some kids have to run away just to be safe, but if you run away just because you fought with you mom, then you're the one missing out. Love isnt free, but between parents and their children, well that's as close to free as it's going to get, so take it while you can.

Ten years ago my mom gave me up to Social Services, not because she couldnt care for me, but because she wouldnt. Her love stopped short of what I needed, what any kid needs, and the truth is I never forgave her.

When I say the richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten, its not always the best memories that make life rich. I think that by learning to trust again by looking at why your trust for people went away, is what makes life worth something. By learning to love again, learning the meaning of your life, or learning that setbacks happen for a reason, makes ' Forever' sound like my kind of heaven...

Here's just one of the many stories about my foster homes...
So, I was living on the street again. I had run away for one reason and one reason only; Dave.

I had went against Dave and come home from skateboarding late. After being hit until my skin was raw with welts, I watched Dave turn the belt around in his hands. He started hitting me again, this time with the metal buckle end.
Again and again I screamed, "Don’t! Don’t! I'm sorry I came home late! Please, Dave, don’t!"

As I kept screaming, Dave kept hitting me. That night was the only time Anne said anything in my defense. She came to the doorway, a drink in her hand, "honey your hurting him," she said.
I ran away that night, packed my backpack and jumped out my window.
I was sitting in the park now when I realized something... More haunting than the darkness that surrounded me was the realization that I was alone, totally alone with myself. And it scared me.
The next day I went to school early so I could talk to one of my teachers. We sat in his classroom talking and this was how it began.
"What were your real parents like?"

"I didn’t have a dad. Well he didn’t live with me. I had a step dad though. I remember in first grade I went out for soccer. I had to beg Mom and Mike to come watch me. It was like they were ashamed of me. They finally came after I got mad enough. And then we lost. You'd have thought I was the only one on the team the way Mike acted."

We talked about other things, then the bell rang.

" I was sitting in first period when James Morone tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, " Get in a fight with your Daddy last night, Jere?"

I jumped up, knocked my desk over, picked James up by his shirt and through him against the wall. He got up and we started fighting. Fists flying, and every punch James landed had no effect on me. Mrs. Layne called the principal who came with the security guard on duty. The security guard pulled me away, dragging me all the way to the office. The teacher I talked to that morning, Mr. Scott was there and followed us into Mr. Fields office.
"Learn your place or you'll have a rough time here!" The officer stated as he walked out shaking his head.

"What were you thinking Jeremy? Did our talk mean nothing?" Mr. Scott asked.

"I wasn’t thinking. I just... I need out."

"A lot of people have already paid dearly for your anger and lies. You have bigger problems than getting out of this place. And why don’t you tell Mr. Fields why you have those marks, tell him what you told me."

"Nothing happened!" I yelled looking away.

They both stepped outside the door, but I could still hear them.

"His foster dad beat him last night. We talked about it this morning before the first bell.."

Tears came to my eyes. I though I could trust Mr. Scott!

"I don’t know how life gets so mixed up. Some kids become our most successful citizens, while others crowd our prisons. What’s the difference? Jeremy has will and courage, but also a lot of anger. So what do we do with him? Seriously, I don’t know how to heal emotional and physical damage, scars run deep..." Mr. Fields said softly.

They both walked back in. I stood up but Mr. Scott pushed me back down, putting his hand on my chest where one of the welts was. I winced.

"I'm leaving, just let me leave!"

"Jeremy, we're giving you another chance. So..."

"I don’t want another chance!" I screamed and ran out.

Mr. Scott ran after me yelling, "Go ahead and try it. Try manipulating a storm or lying to your hunger! Try cheating the cold! Let us help you. You don’t have to live on the streets. JEREMY!"

So here I am now, up in a tree in Zeigler Park. Total darkness surrounds me as I try to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I cant because of the welts across my chest, back and arms. Another sleepless night I guess...

[AintSoBad]

Jeremy,
I hope and pray, that this story is from the past. As you said, it's just one story..

"You are wise beyond your years, J., So Long as you can keep your anger at bay and bring your love to surface!"

You are bright, and well spoken.
I'd be happy to have you as a son!

Bad People, do bad things. As you know, because your note testifies to that.
But, you don't quite make it "Full Circle"....
Tell us?
How are you doing now, how did you get out of that tree, and what did you do?
I'm certain, that somebody was able to see the worth in you!
I'd figure that you're smarter than lots of folks 2-3 times your age, but, when you speak about your foster parents.. oh my goodness.
Could it be that they were dealing with their own anger in all the wrong ways?
Don't repeat that mistake!

I, like you, wish this world could be more perfect, where your note started.
Us humans, seem to fall apart on day to day levels, and I don't understand it.
Life is terribly complex, and, unless you fit down that 'straight and narrow',
it's a tuff walk, this life we live.

Heartfelt best wishes, and love to you Jeremy!

Pete

PS That hatred and anger that you're holding for mom and Dave? Lose it! It's burning deep inside you, and it'll do you wrong!

[CZZ74]

Jeremy,
I am so sorry you are suffering, something like this - I imagine is always with you in one way or another.
When you said you learn to trust then to love again. i can not begin to imagine the strength this must take,
Why these trials happen to some of us and not to others, I guess its like constantly asking why we have rsd. I dont know but for me I am sure God has a purpose, that belief is one way i cope.

Your suffering is beyond what I can imagine as I have not been in that situaltion all I can do from here is tell you how much I admire you for being here, for having the courage to share your story even though you may often still be in the tree.

Having read your post I am sure you are loved by many now .

Thank you for sharing your story, it reminds me to be thankful, and really reading it makes me feel humble for when i do complain about small things.
thank you again praying for the very best for you. cz

[snowboarder13]

I did get out of the tree and that was in the past but yet still here in the future. As a foster kid I dont ever feel at home, I'm always expecting to be moved again...

[CZZ74]

Originally Posted by snowboarder13

I did get out of the tree and that was in the past but yet still here in the future. As a foster kid I dont ever feel at home, I'm always expecting to be moved again...

Snowboarder, I didnt realize this was in real time, it makes your post even more dear to me. keep talking here to us, we can at least offer compassion, support and some people who will truly listen, beyond that we will have the most important and effective gift to offer, our prayers. i pray if you are moved that it turns out to be a great situaltion one that perhaps you didnt think was possible, that is what I will be praying for .
To have rsd on top of all of this, may I ask if your needs are being met in regard to your rsd? thanks cz

[snowboarder13]

Originally Posted by CZZ74

Snowboarder, I didnt realize this was in real time, it makes your post even more dear to me. keep talking here to us, we can at least offer compassion, support and some people who will truly listen, beyond that we will have the most important and effective gift to offer, our prayers. i pray if you are moved that it turns out to be a great situaltion one that perhaps you didnt think was possible, that is what I will be praying for .
To have rsd on top of all of this, may I ask if your needs are being met in regard to your rsd? thanks cz

Hoenstly they arent. Not really anyway. I deal with the doctors on my own. Ocasionally one of my friends parents will come with me but other than that no.