Anyone who hasn't admitted they wish they could go to sleep hasn't had the RSD get bad enough yet, but if it does - I'm sure all people do think about what good is there in waking up tomorrow morning. To me the important question is why a person is tired of living.

I know I hate the financial waste of resources. In our situation, my damage has and continues to cost us a small fortune. That money could be better used on something else I'm sure. Then there's the physical waste. So many people have to waste their energies keeping us up and going when they should be out enjoying their own lives. Then there's the question about when we're still living v/s just being a body with a pulse especially when all you've got to face each day is pain, pain and more pain.

While I know I don't have the answers, I don't think there's anything unhealthy about admitting there does come a point where enough is enough. I have talked with my doctors very openly about this and I've been told that anytime I want to stop taking the medications that are keeping me alive, they'll back up my decision. In this situation we're not talking about suicide, we're only talking about moving my medical care to a palliative care approach which will in time end my life. I know I feel that for those where it's just medical care keeping us alive, there's nothing wrong with stopping all this nonsense. Now if I were to actually talk about ending my own life, then I'd be at risk of loosing all of my pain medication due to federal mandates and such that's are out of my control, hence the reason this is such a scary topic.

For those who feel they're being forced to be alive even though they don't want to, please look into the various palliative support groups and learn more about how to change your approach to care. All books/lives have their final chapter and to me I'm the only person who has the right to choose when that chapter has arrived. Meanwhile, make sure you're getting positive support along the way. Believe it or not, there are many medical providers who also agree that we're no longer using medicine as a way of creating a better life, but instead only that we just keep extending it. I'm proud this topic has finally being brought up for all to admit and talk about.

wow, for some reason i headed to this page tonight......
hi ada, miss talking with you....
as for the topic here, frank has been going to va for medical care lately.......they sent him to a doctor thursday, to discuss his depression......(remember mr. macho man?) he has been in such misery that he is having a harder time hiding it.....why does he try? i don't know....but he has said he thinks about suicide often, but won't go ahead with it because he won't hurt me like that......
i remember all the others on the old board, and miss them...i know who michael is talking of about the young girl..that was awfully sad....she felt no one believed her....so sad....
vicc is still missed for his knowledge and sharing....i too loved the road trips.....still see mark in the coconut bra......
i should participate more in this group again..i miss the closeness that we had, altho i do talk on the phone with several ladies still........
have a great night.............................
claudia

I know you are there if I need you. I was just thinking of you a few minutes ago when I read a joke you sent me. Everyone says you send the best ones. LOL
Sorry about Frank. I do hope he finds the councelling he needs to get through this. It is important.
I think support groups are good to a degree but you have all of the people in the group that have the RSD so it sometimes turns into a pity party. A lot of times too a lot are just not able to make it to the meetings. We tried it here, I did meet several people though and continue to talk to them.
I'm learning that I have to find other things to keep my mind off of the RSD, such as volenteering.
I do realize though that an RSD patient has to get to a certain place in their lives before they can do anything to get their mind off of the pain. They have to have the right medical treatment and councelling. A lot don't seem to find that. Going to different Drs. seem to be something we have to do. I finally quit going to them when I realized I had one right in my back yard, my PCP. The PM's I saw were jokes. Pill pushers, SCS pushers, and anything that benefits their pockets. I feel like people need to find that Dr. that is in it for something besides big money.
Bob I disagree that people lose their meds by talking about suicide. I have seen addicts that are getting meds for their pain. If you have a councellor and Dr. that work together I wouldn't think that would be a problem. I know a lot of people getting councelling and on heavy duty meds in my life. If that feeling gets out there then no one will seek help for their depression. How many lives could be saved if this topic is brought to life to get the help for someone who needs it?

Ada

When I was very young (6 or so) I considered suicide as a rational reaction to a life where everything might go wrong and would necessarilly be followed by death anyway. After weighing the evidence it seemed one must make the decision to live and stick to it. But this monster saps the will and lessens the reasons to go on. First you mourn for the health and life you lost then you have to come to grips with the idea that you might have to reneg on your decision to live.

I've never felt like I was close to ending it all but it's a thought that crosses my mind very frequently.

There are a few ways I deal with this. First I've got a plan A that involves a do-it-yourself "cure" for the disease. This should at least buy me a few months and will be much more difficult than suicide so it moves it away from me. Secondly I try more and more to concentrate on what I can still do. I was very powerful and now one handed, I am in some ways even more powerful. I still have things to do and things to enjoy. I'm still in contact with many of my friends and family. I did not lose "all" of my health, just much of it. One doesn't have to be "tossed upon the rocks" if one swims out of the surf.

Sometimes it's very difficult to enjoy anything and my heart goes out to those whose pain and anguish make it difficult. This condition might not get better but it seems we can learn to control our reaction to it. Perhaps this last doesn't apply to us all equally but where there's life there's hope.

People here are an inspiration to me quite often. If you guys can make it then it should be easy for me.

Hi Ada, as you asked the question; "What I want to ask is what percentage of people with the RSD do you believe thinks about this with what they are going through." Well this is a sensitive but rational question, in my opinion, I think a high percentage if not all at one time or another has this thought ponder in their mind. For me, I have been dealing with this pain for almost ten years, not always severe, but there. I recall a few years ago I told my husband that I really just wanted to die. But really I just wanted to live...just not with the pain, the lifestyle changes, the mental challenges, the family, the treatment plan...etc. It is to say the least a very degrading demoralizing illness that you just can't make peace with. And I still have days where I just want to sleep so I don't have to deal with the pain but unfortunately, I, like everyone else on this board have sleep problems. But to answer your question, I would never take my own life, I know that. I believe that is not my choice. God knows what I go through on a daily basis and when he chooses for me to not suffer any longer I will go home and that I have made peace with. Who knows maybe we are all part of a greater plan, he chose us for this experience. I have chosen to ride it out with dignity and grace, not anger and frustration (although somedays I have to put myself in check!!) We are so much more than just this illness, we are mothers, wives, sisters, brothers, cousins, unique individuals with an enormous amount of compassion and creative to survive. When I think or hear the word RSD, I think of STRENGTH and LOVE, and those are two qualities that I can live with. God Bless

Jeanie

I so have to agree with Jeanie.. She has said it so eliqently in that our choice in how we care out our days living with RSD is certainly our option but only God should have the right to call us home..and only when the rolladex spins and bam..!! Up comes our number.. that will happen and we will be on our way.. I understand our patience and strength is put to the test with our illness, on a daily basis..no doubt..And do you not agree with me when I say I hate it when someone says..Kath, look around..others have it worse .. no doubt, that is true but it does not help my pain level knowing that...but when the sunsets and we bed ourselves down for another night of sleeplessness.. we still have to be thankful for all that we are and for all that we have.. never to sell ourselves short..as RSD is only part of who I am.. I couldn't imagine not being here and enjoying what I still have..even with RSD...RSD has only enriched life and taught me to realize that life is wonderful and only the simple free stuff is what really matters...my view of my llife now has changed..for the better.. the race is over..now its time to smell the pretty flowers and share a smile with others, (even thru my pain) with others who can't appreciate all that they have...

Bless you all.... for you are stronger than your know...live for today..pray for tomorrow and place yesterday in your memory bank...


Love, Kathy

I'm up to take Devin to school. He got his first deer with a bow Sat. 2 years ago he got his first one with a gun. Dustin got his first one at 14 too.

Jeanie, I think you are right most do think of it at one time or another with RSD. I know I have and still do at times. I talked to my Dr. Friday evening about it. It's an open book with us. It's just something that when I am at my worst with the pain, it really does cross my mind. I know it does others and some moreso then others.

I just had someone tell me that God had a reason for me being here a few days ago. I haven't figured it out yet. That line is as common as " you look great" with RSD.

As far as sleeping, I finally ask my Dr. for some sleeping meds a few months ago. They seem to help. I do know there is a difference in brands too. Steve gave me the red ones and some white ones last month due to not having enough of the red ones in, the white ones work a lot better. It's a generic form of Ambien.

I've been in councelling for 10 years and it has helped me come a long way. I do think that some people also feel ashamed of the fact that they need it. I know I was glad when Bill started going a few heres before he passed.

If you have lost people in your life to suicide then you do tend to ask about how many people think about it? With or without RSD.

Ada

No, I've thought about it plenty. I don't see how anyone with this nightmare could possibly not look at it as an option.

I too think of this offten. I have lost friends, friends of friends, and friends family to suiside. I could never do it but I do think of it. Being 26 and not able to work full-time on s.s. cant walk very well/long ect...

When the pain is unrelenting and way off the charts, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wished I could just die to stop it. There's also plenty of times where I feel horribly depressed over how this has taken over my life. What keeps me going is my 3 wonderful children and a fiancee who is an absolute angel, of course that's a point of depression to as I feel he deserves more.

I would talk about it with a psychologist but the last one I met just wanted me to use imagery to make my pain go away as she decided it was all emotional and with no physical basis.

I doubt anyone who has these thoughts is alone and I tend to think it would be more of a rarity if someone with this nightmare of a disease did not have those thoughts at times.