I knew I wasn't alone in this. Today has been one of the worst days I have had in a long time. I have had to take extra Methadone to try and calm the pain today. I am going to try and get in to see my Dr. tomorrow for some triggerpoint injections.

It is very hard to keep your head on straight with the RSD pain when it is at it's worse. I am hoping this is just a flare from the barometer change and not what my whole winter is going to be like.

I saw my Dr. Monday and he sat with me for over an hour just listening to me and trying to help me cope with the RSD and feeling alone in this mess. Because we look normal people think there is nothing wrong with us. We don't have to be alone to feel alone.

Ada

Ada - You're definitely not alone. I feared all day that I would wind up in the ER tonight, unable to control the pain again.

I think I was able to hold it off by taking my meds closer together and employing every pain management technique I can think of.

What I always try to remind myself of when the pain is at it's worst is that tomorrow could be so much better, you just never know. My 3 children are what keeps me going more then anything tho at times I do feel like they and everyone else I love would be so much better off without me. As grateful as I am for the love and support all of my family shows me, I hate that I have become such a burden to them at times.

I hope the evening has brought you some relief.

Dawn

Ada -

I noticed you mentioned trigger point injections. I was receiving them in my left side and thought they may have been what sped up the spreading of my RSD.

The injections did not really seem to help me but actually increased my pain which was when I began to seriously question my diagnosis of myofascial pain syndrome. I then also tried acupuncture which again seemed to make things worse.

I'm curious how long you have been receiving the injections and if you think they help.

Dawn

I wouldn't try the accupuncture when it was brought up to me. That didn't sound good to me. Too many needles.

I got the tpi's at the U of Denver Hospital back in 91 in my stomach. I was just a guienna pig to them. They never diagnosed me

My PCP started doing them in around 2000. I got him Dr. Hooshmands book for Christmas and it talks about tpi's as one of the treatments of RSD. He doesn't use a big needle though like the Hospital did. He uses Lidocaine, no streroids. They do work for me. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 rounds to do the job. They can help for months too.

When he first started doing them, we did them weekly. Now it's only when I need them. It's time consuming. I think it's why Drs. don't want to do them. It's not like getting 3 steroid shots a year.

I also spent 4 years in PT. That helped a lot too. It helped get me moving again.

I was so bad off by the time we started the injections, I know they didn't make my RSD spread. Had he not been determined to keep me alive I wouldn't have made it. I'm glad he was sure of himself enough to do what he felt would get me better. I have seen too many Drs. that wouldn't try to do anything to help.

How long did you have the tpi's Dawn? It's just like blocks to me, I think a series is better then just one. It gets more meds into you and has a better chance of calming things down.

Ada

There are alot of people who do think of this, and probably more often than is admitted on PC. It is a hard subject to bring up, even with your doctors. I have been releived with some of my pain due to a wonderful surgery I just had. The truth is, I did think of suicide often during the cloud of my pain. Humans can only stand so much. I did reach out. I joined final exit 6 years ago, and will remain a member for the rest of my life. I have alot of life left in me, but when the time comes that I have no quality of life, I will again re-visit choices all humas have. The right to decide for themselves what is right and wrong for them. I do have a phych, that I do talk to, thank God I have him in my corner. He does not think I am crazy at all, nor depressed. I also have faith and pray often. This subject is taboo for most, so forgive me if I offend anyone, that is not my intention. I promote life, but for me personally, I want a choice when I have no quality of life. Please do get council, keep close to your friends and family if you can. Reach out to get help with all your medical problems, and your inner feelings. I will continue to do that for myself too. I will also live each and every day fully.

Anyone who hasn't thought about how great it would be to get away from the pain once and for all is denying the truth, but from my point of view there is something we can do that really works so our brains don't head down this wrong way street.

Instead of allowing your head to focus on the negativity of life, you simply have to do anything and everything to really reevaluate the positive - and trust me, we've go a whole lot more of that than we think.

For all of those who think it can't get any worse, then maybe now's the time turn on the TV and take a lot closer look at how the rest of the world lives. For example there are 2.4 to 2.6 billion people who don't even use or have a toilet (by the way there's only 6 billion on this whole earth). Things like hot showers and a roof over our heads that includes such luxuries such windows, heating and cooling and a refrigerator are unheard of in so many areas. Meanwhile we think nothing of it.

By staying focused on the good we have in life, we then shove out the bad.

One last thing: The easiest way to move out those thoughts of just checking out is by getting our head out of "how I'm doing" and instead start looking at how we can do something for someone else instead. There's nothing that can heal the heart faster than through the selfless acts of kindness for another human being. I don't care how handicapped a person is, there's ALWAYS something we can do for someone else if we really want to bad enough. As we're focusing on others our minds quickly fade away from our trivial little problems of the day, and yes most of them really are trivial when you compare what it would be like without our health care and social system that at least is trying to help us day to day. Meanwhile we get a dose of inner joy because we hopefully made at least a little difference in someone else's life.

Suicide doesn't make sense. Self deliverance does, but there's a million miles between the two. Suicide is an act of selfish "I'm unhappy and I don't like the way things turned out." Self deliverance is when a person is gasping for breath with ALS and they're tired of not being able to breath because those muscles don't work anymore.

Life really isn't half as bad as we make it out to be. Now of course all it takes it the smarts to realize it. Meanwhile this old gimp with all sorts of implants and missing body parts is off to figure out what I'm going to do next so I can keep myself from staying focused on myself for the rest of the day. Personally I can't think of a more boring topic. Meanwhile I know that I'd love to learn more about someone else. How about you?

I bring it up probably once a week. I have mentioned it to my therapist and he said"what else are you going to do?" implying that the pain is so bad that planning my death is about all that is in my control to stop my pain. I have gotten a great life insurance policy and I am constantly thinking of the best way to end my hell without loosing my insurance. I need my children to get my insurance money, I am a single mother and all they have. So I continue to live, work as much as I can, take a bunch of pills-shots-accupunture anything that will help, and plan for the best way to end this hell. I'm sure that almost everyone with RSD (well if it's as bad as mine) has felt this way atleast some of the time. The only thing I can really do is take one day at a time....today I'm pretty good, today there are no plans

Bob, you do have a point. There are people who are worse off then we are. I think of people fighting cancer when I think of people worse off. There are also people who have other debilitating diseases that make them worse off.

What we are dealing with though is that our illness isn't being acknowledged like others to the point that we are getting what we need to get through the worst times. Cancer patients have chemo, radiation and cancer is very acknowledged and the patients get as much help as they can to get through whatever part of it they are going through.

The scale shows RSD pain is higher then most pains out there. The weather has changed here and has thrown me into a tizzy. We lay in bed at night when our pain is the only thing we can think of laying there and trying to get it to calm down to a point to where we can sleep and not go nuts from it or commit suicide from the pain. I took Methadone last night and finally got to sleep with my sleeping med. I was still in pain this morning and I called Diana and we chatted and talked for quite awhile. I think when we are at our worst we do have to reach out to someone to help us get our mind off of it.

I keep busy and it still doesn't help when I am in my worst pain so I know others have to be the same way.

Knowing that others are worse off then me is one reason that i don't go out and scream, what the hell part of this do people not get, I'm in pain. So I scream it inside. It's not an easy feat for us to bite our tongues and see how much worse others are. I'll admit I have trouble doing it.

I have God in my corner too but he's leaving an awlfully lot up to me. Strength is not always one of my better virtues.

Ada

to mention a few little diddys...'Life is what you make of it'..oh how about..'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger'.. and 'it's not about the cards you have been dealt..it's about how you play them is what matters'!

I am such a fan of helping my heart feel better, just as Bobinjeffmo said.. share whats in your heart..As painful and debillating as it is..reach out to others and share a smile.. this could make someone elses day.. sure as heck my heart is on the floor.. this does my heart good..I can feel it when my heart is heading for the floor..We all hate that feeling eh'?? Well it does take alot of will and drive to counterbalance that feeling by doing something nice for some one else..ultimately, I always feel better..It could be as little as holding the door open for someone..share a smile or say you look nice.. We do have our days..we will have our days..days of sadness and feeling jipped but where is that going for us?? Dig deep..past our sad feelings and reach out to others...because it really is about dealing with the cards we have been dealt..personally, I have learned so much about myself since RSD has entered my life..good things, that I would not want to trade for anything in the world..One of which is each and everyone of you reading this post!!

Bless you all and much love, Kathy