I should preface this by saying that I do know I have a lot to be grateful for. While my pain control isn't where I'd like it to be, it's soooooo much better than it was a few years ago. And I have a big vacation coming up ! I leave for a week in Key West for a parrothead convention on Monday.....Woo Hoo !

My vacation plans are part of the problem. I'm trying to get the house a little picked up so my 'babysitters' for my 14 and 16 yo old boys won't be totally disgusted. While my house is not quite bad enough for an episode of 'Hoarders' we could definitely star in an episode of 'Clean House' Trying to engage my kids to help is like pulling teeth. I ask them to take some of their stuff to their room and they pick it up only to dump it the next room over......out of my sight temporarily. If I could easily move around from room to room to follow them, I could have done the job myself !

Now some of the mess is mine.....and I have been trying hard to work on that, but my efforts have been hampered. My husband already left for the trip. He went a week early to go fishing. Not that he would do any of the cleaning, but normally he would be the one going to the grocery store, cooking dinner, and driving the kids to all of their activities. Monday I spent the whole day driving around. My 14 yo's friend's father passed away, so I got him dismissed from school, took him to the funeral mass, then the burial, then the 'post party' I had an hour to collapse at home then off to bring the 16yo to guitar lessons......all the while not able to take pain meds because I was driving, causing a massive flare. Tuesday night spent an hour waiting for the 14 yo after football practice, only to eventually find out he got a ride home from someone else. Tonight it was trying to get the 16yo to unpack the dishwasher, so it could be loaded again to clear some room so I could make dinner when I got home from the football pickup, only to have it still not done when I got home.......and both of the bitching because dinner was so late.

After dinner, when I asked for some help picking up, my 16yo INFORMED me that "this you being sick thing is really getting old. It was okay in the beginning, but we are sick of doing crap for you that mother's are supposed to be able to do......we are not your servants."

Hey. I am sorry for the stresses you have on top of the pain. I hope the trip to the keys is good. I am not a parent but to all those who are while dealing with RSD I give you so much credit. I can't even imagine how hard that is. A few thoughts one I am sorry your children are trying to make you feel guilty. Obviously I am not there but to me regardless of RSD or not kids should have certain chores and responsiblities. Could you and your kids sit down and have a family chat? I think communication is so key and also setting out guidelines. When your husband is gone is there a friend or other parents that could help you? Like a carpool? Well wishing you some easier times

Hello Finz...

Iam sorry for your fustrations..They are so real..Our kids, mine ... girl-16 and boy-14.. Well, say no more..The best descriptive word is self centerness.... not that one day they won't turn their actions and feelings around ... but right now it is all about them..Do you find they go hot and cold in the receptiveness of your illness..Ours do..some times I could squeeze the dikkens out of them and others..depending on their mood..they are not so squeezeable..thats when I lose it and insist on their help. Nobody..I repeat nobody ... knows what pain and discomfort we deal with daily... every minute of the day...everyday! And I wouldn't want them to... But just toss us a bone and fake it..right?? Mostly, I want to say is I understand your situation..wishing I could do what I was able to before RSD..don't beat yourself up over this..as it will cause you more pain and exaustion before leaving for your well deserved trip..One day our kids will get it..even spouses.. please, don't take what they said to heart..let it roll right off because tomorrow they could have tears for you, chalk it up to only words....let the appearence of your house go..only doing what you can with little help from others..in the mean time, your sitter knows you are not feeling so well and I am sure she'll 'overlook' it..Just have a wonderful time..and take each day as it comes..

Much love, Kathy

I do know part of this is my fault.....or mine and my husband's. There is no set chore schedule except for bringing out trash and recycling. The 14 yo is also supposed to unpack the dishwasher, but he is seldom home when it needs to be done so hubby usually does it. All 4 of us have kind of given up on the house......and I realize the kids are just following the adults lead.

We do need a family sit down. Unfortunately, I get little support from my husband who ridicules any plan I come up with......"Oh, what stupid idea does mom want us to try out now"..........

So I feel bad because there are 'family issues' and because I'm broken and can't do what I want to do.......and I let them get away with too much because I feel guilty.

I also get that teens are lazy, but it's the total lack of empathy from them right now that's killing me....the "So what if you're in pain, get over it" sentiment.

Don't these idiots realize that I'm the one who does the Christmas shopping !!!!

I know two kids who won't be making it to their Halloween parties this weekend !

Whats taring me up inside right now are your words, crys out for help..as this is not you..You are always so light and supportive of us all..Always so indearing and you now need us..and we are here, no matter what! I think when somthing as devestating as RSD hits..it places such a downward spin on our families..some do re-group in time..but it takes patience and understanding and sympathies mostly on our families end of it..Yes, they are going thru alot but oh god..we are going thru more!! Hold in there as we all feel the broken and know exactly where you are coming from... Bless you finz!!

Tlak more and get it out with us..Iam here waiting..

Love, Kathy

They are not your servants??? So perhaps YOU are not their chauffeur, chef, and maid. Let them take care of themselves for a change while you take care of YOURSELF. It's the only way they are going to learn that you are important, too.

It sounds like your husband may have set a tone of disrespect in the household, which they naturally adapted. Only by sticking up for yourself are you going to start to win some battles. Respect is earned. You say you waited for your kid to get out of football practice, only to learn that he got a ride from someone else?? Time for some tough love. Let him walk home next time!! And you were in PAIN?? What a little ####head!!

That said, I have 2 ####heads of my own!! My 16 yo would try the patience of a saint!! But honestly, if he pulled a stunt like that, it would happen only ONCE. I would NEVER show up to pick him up again. He could walk home, or quit football for all I care....

You may want to schedule some counseling for yourself. I did. I needed to get my head on straight after I got so sick with RSD. There's so much that I needed help figuring out, especially the kids (not that I was very good with them to start with!!) The dynamics are just so different when you are sick and need help.

I truly understand where you are coming from, and wish you the very best of luck. And have an awesome time in Key West!! Go chill and forget all about your problems - and let the babaysitter clean up your house!!

XOXOX Sandy

I truly understand. I have a teenage daughter who tries my patience on a daily basis. She is 19 and I ask her almost daily how old she is, because I swear most of the time she acts like a spoiled 5 yr old. Anyway I do understand and somedays if I hear her muttering one more time under her breath how she has to do it because I'm too lazy to do it, I just might snap. I have come to the point that I do what I can do and if my daughter or husband can't understand that than it is their problem. My husband isn't always supportive and I often feel like I'm the middle between them trying to keep the peace. I try to ignore most of her comments but my husband can't or won't and takes everything personally, so between him threatening to leave if she doesn't act like he thinks she should and her telling him he should leave they try my patience. We created most of the problem we've never really made her do anything to help. We tried years ago with the chore list but she didn't do half of them or did them half way so we stopped giving allowance trying to teach her she was responsible for completing things and if she didn't then she didn't get to do the things she wanted to do.

What amazed me the most was recently we visited a friend in Minnesota who also has rsd and recently came out of remission and to hear my daughter talk about what I go through on a daily basis was truly touching, but then she acts like she does towards me, maybe it's just her being a teenager and it is all about her in her mind. I don't know but I do know underneath her behavior she does see what I go through and understands a little. Hang in there they probably understand and get a lot more than they let on.

Thank you friends !

Last night I was so upset.....and I know that you all understand how that makes the pain even worse. It was definitely a no sleep night.

Kathy, I still was up after 8 and saw your second post. I didn't make it through the first sentence before I burst out crying again......and went to lay down and snuggle up with my dog. I suddenly felt very peaceful and felt consoled by your words. I really felt the love from a cyber friend.....and know that you all do understand what the pain of rsd is like as well as the frustration of dealing with it.

I slept during the day and have not done any 'work' around the house, so I feel much better now.....physically and mentally. At one point this morning I actually went and double checked my pill box to make sure I hadn't forgotten to put my antidepressants in there, because I was feeling like I was back in my 'dark period' before Zoloft and rsd help.

And ,yes Sandy, I do see a counselor.....although she was away on vacation this week, the nerve of her ! I am in a better place than I was 24 hours ago though......and know that I can't change the past, but I sure as heck can change the chore schedule for the future.

I tried a new tactic this evening. This morning I reminded them that they still had to finish cleaning up from last nights dinner either before school or after. My husband usually serves dinner promptly at 5 pm. By 7 pm, the 16 yo was starving and looking for dinner. My usual would be to yell, or start taking away electronics to punish for not doing his work, but I just calmy said, "Oh, we're having chicken caesar salad, but I need the salad bowl to make it. Unfortunately, someone forgot to run the dishwasher or clean off the counter, so I can't make it yet. He just walked away.....but by 8:30 he and his brother started working.

For some comic relief.......16 yo plays guitar and bass and had several very large amps and speakers in the family room. I said they had to be moved, to his room or the garage or I would put them outside and not care if they were rained on. While I was still in bed today, he moved them. It really was like he thought he should get an award for being so brilliant because he thought of the bright idea of putting them under the dining room table, where they are hidden by the tablecloth. I went to check out his work and they were hidden. Unfortunately, he left the chairs all scattered all over the room. I went to pull the chairs back up to/under the table.....they don't fit ! So they just stick out taking up a huge amount of room. He really truely can't figure out why I don't like his new arrangement !

Thank you friends for your support !

Finz sometimes a person needs a good cry to get the emotions out. I do agree that stress does impact us a lot. I am having a lot of family problems too and the range of emotions I am feeling is very hard. It is like it takes all my strength to fight the daily pain so to take on more is hard.
I am glad you are feeling in a better place. Has your family ever thought of doing family therapy or could maybe your current therapist have a session with everyone? I did this with my family and for us it did not work out so great but I don't regret doing it.I learned a lot about how I feel and how to cope better. I also know families that it really helped. I think when something impacts a family to talk about the feelings,what each person needs are,etc can really help.
Hope today is better

You're not the maid. Either the family works together or they're probably tearing it apart. Why worry about Christmas shopping? It sounds like there are other things that warrant your labors instead. Maybe it's time the kids and even your husband take a closer look at their responsibilities as a cohesive unit instead of you rewarding them for having done nothing.

Ironically enough you're being forced to live in a home that's what some might call in a constant state of confusion which only makes your health problems worse. If there's anything I've learned about being chronically disabled, it's that the more organized I am, the easier it is to live daily life. When I think about how much time you waste each day hunting high and low for things you should be able to just lay your hands on, it makes me want to cry.

Maybe it's time to teach your family a little cause and effect? The reason your lifestyle is less than comfortable is because the family won't work together or is that work at all? The effects are that things only get worse over time, not better. It's always easier to keep a clean house clean than it is to clean a dirty house. I never really clean our place, but my wife and me are constantly putting around and taking care of things as they hit instead of putting it off till tomorrow that never really comes.

While there's not doubt you need a vacation, it sounds like some priorities need to be realigned. How can anyone have a good time anyplace else when they know they're coming home to a blooming mess they haven't taken care of in the first place? Today my heart really does go out to you. Now go and find the baseball bat and see if you can motivate anyone to start living life in a more organized manner. Bob.