[gramE]

I'm a short timer with this chronic stuff.

My season just now is adapting to the commonplace reality of pain being a partner in every thing I do without growing weary and discouraged.

The days after an injection when in disbelief I'm nearly painfree go by so fast, and my desire to sleep through a flare(I know an oxymoron but I can dream)and awaken to a tolerable level on the moan and groan scale seem even welcomed in the face of everyday with pain, every chore with pain, every step with pain, constant examining to see if there is any change, longing to go out but not bad enough to suffer the consequences, wanting to have an overnighter with my grandchildren but knowing the stress is too much, looking for but not finding the vim, vigor, motivation, energy and enthusiasm you had before that day, in my case Jan 13, 2010, it all began.

And when someone, be it professional, family member, or acquaintance, dimishes by a word or two the extent of your suffering, you are seemingly made less. Validation is what we seek, not a pep talk or another challenge just to get over it.

Love covers a lot.

An embrace that says you are still ok with me and what can I do to help. A kind 1/2 hour chat on the phone to fill a long afternoon. Someone to walk beside me into church, regardless of how slow I go. Leaving me in the dust just highlights my snail-like pace. Asking how I am and wanting the short answer and hanging around for the long one, relieves me of some pent up frustration. Saved me some money on a counseling session.

Maybe I can get the courage to write this and somehow publish it in my local paper. I'm not the only one with chronic pain, and I'm sure I'm not the only one being left in the dust to walk alone into the church.

Ok, I think I'm done venting, but I don't know if I did it in the right forum. Psalm 147 says God does not delight in the feet of man. Oh, how I needed the comfort that verse brought. He delights in those who fear and obey Him. I'm learning to obey in the mundane everyday duties of life.

with a heart of gratitude and hope,
pat e