[dreambeliever128]

My brother has called 3 times today and I just couldn't answer the phone. He called Travis to see if I was ok and Travis called me to check on me. My kids are the only ones I will always answer the phone to.

It's not that I don't want to talk to anyone but I just don't like talking to people. I don't know if that goes with my depression or medical problems either. It's like not being able to leave the house.

I will go for days without answering the phone and I have to make up excuses when I finally do answer to anyone.

My depression is getting worse then better and I chalk it up some to having to go up on my meds. Methadone causes depression and losing Bill has made it worse but I just cannot pull myself up from it.

There are times I won't even answer the door to people. Is it just me or do you guys go through this?

Ada

[allentgamer]

I hibernate in my room, and really dont like to see people either. I cringe when they bring me the phone, or say someone is here to see me.

I think some is depression, but for me it is just not really wanting to be bothered by anyone hardly.

I like when Vic calls though! He is a riot! So Vic this isnt for you bro.

But brothers and sisters, and even kids sometimes. All they want is to pump info out of me. After years of helping these folks, and not getting any reciprocation. Im like go away!

My brother just bought a new pick up, but never ever asks me if I need anything. Even after he lived with me for over 10 years, and I helped him kick crack, heroin, and cocain. My kids think of him more like a brother than I do.

But anyways, yes most of us probably are like that. You might have some depression. I think it goes with the territory.

[WickedGood]

I too will avoid the phone. I have even gone so far as to not answer the door when people have come to visit. Rotten of me? Maybe but I just don't care anymore. Usually these are the insensitive people. Ones that don't try or don't care to understand what I am dealing with these days. And usually these calls start out with "what are you doing"? When I say I'm laying down or something I usually get called a lazy *** or some stupid remark.

I am not a recluse but I just don't have the energy right now to entertain. And that is what they expect of me. And than I get attitutde if I don't. Thank God for Caller ID. What a blessing. It is a result of some sort of depression but still when you feel like crap like we all do hey give us a break?

And than the folks that I have always bent over backwards for, helping them out when they are in need and so forth haven't even so much as asked me how I've been not once in say a year. Isn't that typical. I will be so glad when I can finally move and be closer to my family. I have a wonderful family dynamic but I am so far from them right now. They worry about me alot and that means alot but they need not. I just like knowing they are there when I need them.

Well that's my two cents worth! Chin Up!!!! Mark

[CZZ74]

Yes I share these feeling, I do not answer the phone and have a little pillow I hang on my door that says I am sleeping, it means go away.
Same thing with family in some ways, what i really need help with - no offers. and dont get me wrong I have a loving family. but not regular help in going to the store, not help in wlaking my lab my sweet therapy dog Hannah. NO financial aid from sisters who I have been giving bail outs to for years. well thats just the way it goes. I had a sister stop by last night and I said oh this is great I really need help folding some laundry.. she left her car running said she was too tired and left. I can not tell you how mad this makes me. But anger is not a good thing so I try not to dwell. But frankly it shocks me. they all know, I have 4 sisters who live close by. that it takes me 3 days to clean the house. I work 15 minutes and then have to lay down on heating pads for 45 mins. them up for 15 down for 30-40. and so on.so instead of helping in ways I really need help, they drop of movies and feel better, what can you do? they have their own lives to live. It is just so shocking to me. I have always been a big giver and helper in the farmily. It is like they are all mad at me for being sick. its a real drag.But we find a way to manage.If my husband is away and I have to walk my sweet dog thats it for the day as a huge flare up follows and then I cant make it to the therapy pool. Everyone, my sisters and my husbands famrily who also live very close by know this but still do not help.But what can you do. I only have two friends left I cant alienate my sisters too. thanks for listening. CZZ74 also mbrfz

[Condor]

I am not as socialable as I once was. Have even avoided phone calls from life long friends. It's the 100 pound phone. Very hard to pick up. Makes me feel rotten, but RSD/TOS just takes the smile off my face when the pain gets too bad. Like everyone else here, I have good days and not so good days. On the good days, I feel like talking and going out for awhile. On the not so good days, I just stay in my chair and watch TV or get on the computer and surf around. I have to be careful what I watch on TV, damn shows are all so violent anymore. My nervous system just can't take all that crap. Hope all is well for everyone.
Stephen
AKA Condor

[Brokenwings]

Hello Everyone! I am new to this Forum, but now, I see that I am not "alone"!

I too, have experienced the very same things like not answering the phone, not wanting to socialize, etc.

The thing that has been most dissapointing to me, is the issue of "non-reciprocal" behavior from people who I "thought" were my friends.

Before I got injured and devloped RSD, I literally knocked myself out helping these people with every kind of issue imaginable.

After I developed the RSD, most of my friends, including my long-term boyfriend of over 9 years, were initially very supportive and quite helpful in many ways. UNTIL the realization "hit" that the RSD was not a "temporary" condition, and would likely be PERMANENT.

What a change in their behavior--from outright emotional and verbal abuse, sensing that I was more vulnerable and "defenseless", to BLAME, i.e.--"you aren't trying hard enough to get better", then back-tracking when I TRIED to do be more active, only to suffer a flare-up, by them saying "why do you keep doing that when you KNOW that your arms aren't the same anymore".

Totally a no-win situation!

Frankly, I think our condition brings up buried issues that these "friends" don't have the guts to face. They either gradually fade out of lives, because they feel that we are no longer of "use" to THEM, or, they simply abruptly ABANDON us, like we never really existed at all--because they probably view our needs as INCONVENIENT to THEM. We are not afforded "good credit" for all the wonderful things that we did FOR THEM in the past, when THEY needed our help, friendship and emotional support.

It is no wonder to me, that after having been ABANDONED, that we don't trust people anymore. Why would we want to go through that again?

I would like to believe that there still are kind, compassionate people out in the world, who do not judge us by our physical appearance or the "invisible suffering" that RSD subjects us to. People who UNDERSTAND that at times, we are just too exhausted to participate in "life" for a while. People who RESPECT us, and ADMIRE us for all the challenges and hurdles that we have had to overcome, and who hopefully, will find us as an "inspiration".

After what we have gone through, and will CONTINUE to go through, we DESERVE that!

For now, I still struggle with the thought of exposing myself to potentially inconsiderate people--and yes, thank goodness for caller ID! And, Forums such as this. Somehow, I need to find the self-confidence that I once had so that I CAN resume inviting new people into my life. For me, this is the REAL challenge of RSD...

[LisaM]

Ya know, At first I thought this thread was about whether or not it HURT to talk on the phone...and yeah, since my rsd is in my hands, it DOES. My hands fall asleep, and my hair touching my hands hurts. But then I read that it's ot about that...it's about not even wanting to talk on the phone. And it's funny....cuz I HATE the phone. And my SO is constantly trying to get me on it! It drives me crazy. I always say between him and my son, the phone isn't available most of hte time anyway, so it's not a big deal. But like...if he wants to call and check on his mom he'll try and get ME to call. Or f it's a holiday he'll try to get ME to call to find out what we're to bring. And I fight him, trying to get HIM to call cuz I hate the phone. And his family will keep you on the phone for HOURS while I'm wiggling in my seat trying to find a way to get off the phone. And no matter how many times you say, "Okay, well, I better go now..." they STILL find a way to keep you on. I aks you - if you are talking to someone and they say they have to go, don't you allow them to hang up? I DO! Why dont they???? ?That's why when he phone rings, I don't even look at it. I'll be downstairs in the kitchen, and the phone IN THE KITCHEN will ring. My son will run from UPSTAIRS in his room ALL THE WAY DOWSTAIRS before the third ring finishes. he has to make sure he answers.

I HATE THE PHONE Grrr! LOL!

Thank you SO MUCH for letting me know I'm not weird!

[frogga]

Hi,

I hate the phone too - but it's more from the effort involved in talking and sometimes the bitterness of what my friends are up to that I can't do.

However, when talking about mates, I have been so lucky. My friends are the awesomest. Many of them are friends I have made since getting RSD (Although I have continued to be friends with a couple of people from my pre RSD life). They have accepted the deterioation in my condition and been happy to take over large chunks of caring, to lift, feed, dress or throw me around. They try and include me in everything and they just let me be me... They are brill when my sister is evil and has a temper tantrum whilst getting me dressed and leaves me either in my PJS on the floor (after dropping me) or takes my top off and then storms off.. (Before we moved our house had 4 flights of stairs and my bedroom was at the top, so I had to be carried up and down stairs by mum, mates or my sister - this was also pre carers)... my mates, (Lyd or Nik especially) would drop everything and drive over to mine to give me a hand...

I know I have been so lucky with my mates - they are REALLY brilliant and I feel so blessed to have them. However, I can empathise with the attitude some people have towards this - especailly from my sister who is just... horrible...and totally attention seekingetc. (I suppose that's why she wants to be in the eurovision song contest - and I swear listening to her songs are an abuse of sorts!)

Anyway - I have to agree that sometimes using a phone is so exhausting that I choose not to...

Love

FRxxxxxxx

[HubbyWithRSD]

My hubby does not avoid the phone but it really bugs him when he's resting/napping after therapy and people call and disturb him or wake him up.

He does have a headset for our phone so when people call he does not have to hold it to his ear. That way his arms dont ache.

[WickedGood]

Wow! This thread really has shown just how much we are affected negatively by the insensitivity of others. Only a couple of you mentioned calls from long time friends you hadn't heard from. Most everyone of us talked about the same issues. People who know our situations well but continue to be insensitive to us.

I wonder why that is. Is it their struggle to understand? Ignorance? Innocence to the situation or what? I know personally that the people who seem to bother me the most wether by phone or by unannounced visits are the ones that really don't seem to care about what I am dealing with, rather they are just looking to fill their own curiosity plates so to speak.

I fell like hanging a big sign on my house say "Leave Me To H*** Alone" and putting a message on my phone machine saying that unless you are Publisher's Clearing House or my Doctor "I'm Unavailable".

But than again like Condor said - "I have good days and not so good days. On the good days, I feel like talking and going out for awhile." But that should be at our convenience. Rather than get the ole attitude from them "Oh Now You Feel Like Talking". or Now You Feel Like Visiting".

Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Chin Up Everyone!

Mark