[gramE]

In the last 10 days, I have experienced 3 panic attacks. Last week a near panic attack, I recognized it was coming and diverted myself by reading a magazine out loud to my husband, and got to a point where I could remove myself from the stress inducing situation.

The second came after my SSDI physical on Tues, I was anxious a bit and in some pain but the nurse and the dr were very, very compassionate and accomodating. But when I left I knew something was coming and it did when I got home. Shaking, stuttering, unable to complete my thoughts, but I new what was going on. I had a cup of tea and a bagel and a few pills and slept for about 2 1/2 hours(which is about my max for sleeping any night.)

I took my normal evening med but those neurons were at high speed so I sat here and wrote three letters until about 530am. And rested/slept until 8:30. but I didn't get up out of bed until 1145 because I just felt funny. I made my pot of tea at noon and had my breakfast and sat until 1 which is about my normal routine, but I needed to go to the bank and it was Wed when some of my former coworkers all have lunch at Bob's around 230/3 in the same town as my bank.

I headed out, still feeling funny about 130 and before I got 2 miles I was shaking all over. Now I carry denial with me like most women carry handbags, so I kept heading to my first stop which was to see a friend who is a librarian at school, but I knew quickly, well not quickly enough that I was going down, down, down. I got to a country church and pulled in. Called my doc, answering mach. Called my son, answering mach.

By now I am shaking uncontrollably, but my son calls back and agrees to meet me where I am. I am stuttering severely, unable to find my words. He wants to take me to the hospital, I agree but want to speak to my RSD doc first to see if he thinks it is related. A few phone calls and we were able to get him directly and he said take me home and give me some xanax and call back in an hour. So we did all that, Double the xanax I would normally take and it didn't even knock me out, but it did calm down the shakes.

Here we are this morning, I'm still edgy, don't really want to talk to anyone, go anywhere, or do anything that will for me to make a decision or choice. I'm safe here, except maybe from myself. My Dr appt is Monday.

Is this normal when RSD is progressing? I must say that my husband and I have noticed in the last 2-3 weeks my short term memory is so getting worse and I have done some things that I thought I was doing correctly at the time but I wasn't. I am having more pain, discoloration and swelling in my feet and it is time to schedule my next nerve block which is basically the treatment I've had so far, 3 nerve blocks, plus clonindine, xanax and zanaflex.

I myself feel like this started snowballing last week when we had a big snow storm and cold temps and I needed to wear sock and boots to a SSDI exam. I don't wear socks and shoes, but these boots are warm and 3 1/2 sizes bigger than I wore before the accident and I was going to a clinic in a town I'd never been to, so I didn't know if I'd have to walk in snow or if the building would be cold or what. But the boots caused me pain, stress, anxiety, more pain, more stress, and more anxiety. More than I had experience before when wearing them. And it took me a couple of days to recover under the covers.

So all of you wise, experienced RSDer's out there, can you help me understand what is happening and what to ask my doc about. I might even call him again today. I'm pretty sure I've lost my driving privileges.

Thanks to all for the sharing and comfort you offer. Even if I don't comment on a thread, I almost always glean some wisdom and advice from it.

a little shaky, inside and out,
pat e

[gramE]

ok, now how bad is my short-term memory, I just tried to post this and it said I needed to hit the reply button. I had already posted and didn't remember.

Reality is such a bitter pill.

[SandyRI]

Have you tried Mindfulness? There are a couple of websites I have saved, I am going to post them...the Univ of Cal site has MP3 files that you can click on and there are meditations that you just chill and listen to....give it a try. I needed it badly when I first got sick. My Psych gave me these links, and I used them for months. FMichael also has written extensively about this subject in the past (you can search his posts)

Please take care...thinking of you XOXOX Sandy

this is UMass:

http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx...d&itemid=41254

This is Univ of Cal:

http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx...d&itemid=41254

Originally Posted by gramE

ok, now how bad is my short-term memory, I just tried to post this and it said I needed to hit the reply button. I had already posted and didn't remember.

Reality is such a bitter pill.

[DeesRSD]

hi pat

I too get panic attacks, which before RSD I didnt. I remember the first one and it scared the living bejeevies out of me, I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. Now since living with them over the years, you know when one is coming.

The only thing that seems to work on me lately is valium, I was rx'd this for the charlie horses (my words) and burning in my back, and realized that hey, I havent had an attack since being on this. So I tell my primary doc this and he suggests going off them for a week and see what happens, yup panic attacks again with a vengence; so after seeing me in a full blown attack, he put me back on them.

I dont like being on meds, but until I can this under control again, I'll do what I have too. I really should of been back to Dr L by now but I have been putting it off for one reason or another.

sorry, Im rambing. Your not alone in this and Im always a message away if you want to talk. Do I think its all related to RSD, absofrigginlutely < said to make you smile

wish I could be more helpful, but hang in there my friend, we'll get through these too k.

Dee

[Dr. Smith]

gramE,

There's something very positive/hopeful here. Panic attacks are usually irrational, yet you've handled everything very rationally and intelligently, from staving off the first attacks, to recognizing the onset (and what it was), to pulling over, to acknowledging the wisdom of not driving (at the moment), to analyzing and talking about it. A lot of people just completely freak out, but it sounds to me like you didn't actually panic at all.

Often, doctors just treat the symptoms (prescribe some pills) because they're not trained to go further, and it's the easy temporary fix until they refer you to a counselor. It sounds like you're also taking the next logical step and trying to figure out if it's chemical (the disease or brain chemistry) or psychological.

You're doing pretty darn good. Hang in there; I think you'll beat this part.

Doc

[gramE]

As I was sitting in my car beside my adult son, who is wise and knowledgable, he asked me a list of questions one would as a person in my distress, and he learned enough to recognize that I was lucid, which he told the Dr. Then he asked me if I was fearful. He thought maybe this was precipitated by a specific incident. I responded by saying, in a small stuttering and stammering voice that include timeouts for words to get from my brain to my mouth, "which basket wins the ballgame, the first one or the last second buzzer beater?". Both are equally crucial to the point total.

In the first incident, where I avoided the panic, the trip to see the psychologist required footwear. Now I don't do footwear, skin is my footwear of choice. But, (doesn't matter if it has one T or two buts are almost always big!) large snowfall, cold temps, unfamiliarity with the area/clinic I was going to required me to protect my feet from snow, ice, and cold. These boots, bought at my neurologist's suggestion, were 3 sizes bigger than my normal size to compensate for my inability to tolerate any thing on my foot/ankle/lower leg. I wear, when required by law or weather, socks that are men's size 10-13 with the top cut off and clips made to loosen the part that will touch my ankle.

I was not anxious about this exam, yet 5 minutes after "adorning" my feet my disposition/personality changed. Agitated, irritated, shouting at my husband that if I didn't get out of this house I was going to panic. I was in major pain in my feet and ankles and I could feel a headache coming. In the car, which is such a delightful place to be with an agitated, irritable post-menopausal woman in pain and quickly acquiring a headache, we stopped at the mailbox. YES, God was going ahead of us, there was a new copy of Saveur magazine. Distraction is one of the tools in my 'medicine box', so my husband got to listen to me read aloud for nearly one hour from this cooking magazine. Better to hear my voice in an organized, purposeful mission instead of me continually asking (maybe shouting) at him if he knew(he does) how bad I hate socks and shoes.

Well, we got there, did the exam, and got back to the car where I immediately removed said footwear. Not to worry I had brought some that while normally looked upon with scorn, now seemed rather benign.

I'm not sure I recovered from that episode but the reality is I am coming to the threshold of a cane, a walker and beyond. And in my game of life this seems like the full-court buzzer beating shot that goes in and the game you thought you were winning suddenly you've lost. I've been keeping this to myself(my husband and I are one in that) now there will be no hiding a cane or a walker. So much adjustment.

At a time when we thought adventure and trips with grandchildren would be consuming our lives, we are not destitute but finding two dimes to rub together is difficult. Borrowing from children, buying groceries and gas with plastic, doing without what we thought were necessities and some still are, Netflix and cousin Bob's popcorn, soup, soup, soup, these are our adventure right now. We are owed money, but I'm thinking that there is a battle in the heavenlies for that answer to prayer. Nobody's bitter here, I'm just having a bit of trouble adjusting to the change of plans, and who knows my husband might even grow fond of hearing me read aloud to him. And I've discovered I can play scrabble via words free with my children and the game can last for days, they don't have to adjust their day to entertain me, we can do it wirelessly. Sports occupy a big part of the grandkids lives, but they are willing when gramps needs a break at entertaining me the are willing to come and babysit me.

Dear Sandy, thanks for the links, meditation, music are a part of my repertoire to avoid the pill thing.

Dear Dee, Absofreakinlutely thanks for the smile. I'll take a hit of endorphins any way I can get them. I didn't feel like I was having a heart attack but I was hyperventilating.

Dr. Smith, Your opinions are sounder than some I've heard from the real thing, but thank you. It is difficult to understand that this is connected to the RSD and at the same time when everything comes at once it is hard to separate it.

trying to reset my panic button,
pat

[SandyRI]

don't ever give up trying to find a treatment that works...it took me years to get (somewhat) back on my feet. The first few years were definitely the hardest. Find a good lawyer to help you with WC issues. WC Courts can order insurance companies to pay for treatments -such as ketamine - in full. It takes time, and persistence, and a lot of endurance.

The RSDSA website is a great resource. Hang in there!

XOXOX. Sandy


[/B]

Originally Posted by gramE

As I was sitting in my car beside my adult son, who is wise and knowledgable, he asked me a list of questions one would as a person in my distress, and he learned enough to recognize that I was lucid, which he told the Dr. Then he asked me if I was fearful. He thought maybe this was precipitated by a specific incident. I responded by saying, in a small stuttering and stammering voice that include timeouts for words to get from my brain to my mouth, "which basket wins the ballgame, the first one or the last second buzzer beater?". Both are equally crucial to the point total.

In the first incident, where I avoided the panic, the trip to see the psychologist required footwear. Now I don't do footwear, skin is my footwear of choice. But, (doesn't matter if it has one T or two buts are almost always big!) large snowfall, cold temps, unfamiliarity with the area/clinic I was going to required me to protect my feet from snow, ice, and cold. These boots, bought at my neurologist's suggestion, were 3 sizes bigger than my normal size to compensate for my inability to tolerate any thing on my foot/ankle/lower leg. I wear, when required by law or weather, socks that are men's size 10-13 with the top cut off and clips made to loosen the part that will touch my ankle.

I was not anxious about this exam, yet 5 minutes after "adorning" my feet my disposition/personality changed. Agitated, irritated, shouting at my husband that if I didn't get out of this house I was going to panic. I was in major pain in my feet and ankles and I could feel a headache coming. In the car, which is such a delightful place to be with an agitated, irritable post-menopausal woman in pain and quickly acquiring a headache, we stopped at the mailbox. YES, God was going ahead of us, there was a new copy of Saveur magazine. Distraction is one of the tools in my 'medicine box', so my husband got to listen to me read aloud for nearly one hour from this cooking magazine. Better to hear my voice in an organized, purposeful mission instead of me continually asking (maybe shouting) at him if he knew(he does) how bad I hate socks and shoes.

Well, we got there, did the exam, and got back to the car where I immediately removed said footwear. Not to worry I had brought some that while normally looked upon with scorn, now seemed rather benign.

I'm not sure I recovered from that episode but the reality is I am coming to the threshold of a cane, a walker and beyond. And in my game of life this seems like the full-court buzzer beating shot that goes in and the game you thought you were winning suddenly you've lost. I've been keeping this to myself(my husband and I are one in that) now there will be no hiding a cane or a walker. So much adjustment.

At a time when we thought adventure and trips with grandchildren would be consuming our lives, we are not destitute but finding two dimes to rub together is difficult. Borrowing from children, buying groceries and gas with plastic, doing without what we thought were necessities and some still are, Netflix and cousin Bob's popcorn, soup, soup, soup, these are our adventure right now. We are owed money, but I'm thinking that there is a battle in the heavenlies for that answer to prayer. Nobody's bitter here, I'm just having a bit of trouble adjusting to the change of plans, and who knows my husband might even grow fond of hearing me read aloud to him. And I've discovered I can play scrabble via words free with my children and the game can last for days, they don't have to adjust their day to entertain me, we can do it wirelessly. Sports occupy a big part of the grandkids lives, but they are willing when gramps needs a break at entertaining me the are willing to come and babysit me.

Dear Sandy, thanks for the links, meditation, music are a part of my repertoire to avoid the pill thing.

Dear Dee, Absofreakinlutely thanks for the smile. I'll take a hit of endorphins any way I can get them. I didn't feel like I was having a heart attack but I was hyperventilating.

Dr. Smith, Your opinions are sounder than some I've heard from the real thing, but thank you. It is difficult to understand that this is connected to the RSD and at the same time when everything comes at once it is hard to separate it.

trying to reset my panic button,
pat

[gramE]

I have a lawyer and a half. The second one has advised me, we just haven't decided to retain him yet. WC is US Dept of Labor which is why my first lawyer won't take that case. The second lawyer said they make their own judgements, cannot go to a civil court or mediation. My Nat'l union rep is trying, finally, to help. SSDI has been the smoothest process of all. But all of that is a heavy load, I just can't 'walk' away from. I do try to do much research on my own, but that in itself can overwhelm you, and I just have to walk away.
Thanks bunches,
pat

[peppermintpatty]

"Normal"? I don't know.

Have I had them? Yes. Did I ever have one prior to getting CRPS. Nope.

I can so relate, if that helps. For my latest one, my car was just barely scraped in a parking garage, yet I was so rattled I couldn't even figure out how to dial my mobile phone. When I finally figured it out, my hands were shaking so badly that I accidentally hit the speed dial for my daughter twice (who was at school, no less!). Fortunately my caregiver was driving. There's no way I could have driven home after that.

What I've found to help the most is to simply surround myself with as much information as possible and keep in mind that I'm simply not the person I used to be. Could I run into a store before? Yes. Now I need to plan to make sure it's not too crowded, etc. Just part of dealing with the disease.

As for the memory issues, I wish I had better advice. The only thing I can say that I do reliably is note EVERYTHING. I don't know if you're a pen and paper person or a technology person. If you're pen & paper, carry it everywhere and jot things down. If you're technology (I use a DROID phone), download an app like Remember the Milk and note everything. I keep different lists on my phone, from grocery lists to questions I want to ask my various doctors to wish list items & measurements of various items. It's not how I'd like to be, or what I used to be, but it is the reality of what I am now.

Hang in there and please know that you are not alone.

[SandyRI]

Well WC doesn't go civil court or mediation because they to Workers comp court. Don't let your lawyer freak you out -sure WC sucks, but you have a solid case (like I did). It may take you some time, but you CAN win.

All this crap is overwhelming at first..I used to just sit and cry. And I never cried before I had RSD. I live several hundred miles from my parents and siblings, and if one of them called me I couldn't even speak on the phone. I would just cry once I heard their voices...ugh. I was truly a mess.

I have to say that it just gets a little better over time. You get used to the new you, etc. I still cry, but not as often...

XOXOX Sandy

Originally Posted by gramE

I have a lawyer and a half. The second one has advised me, we just haven't decided to retain him yet. WC is US Dept of Labor which is why my first lawyer won't take that case. The second lawyer said they make their own judgements, cannot go to a civil court or mediation. My Nat'l union rep is trying, finally, to help. SSDI has been the smoothest process of all. But all of that is a heavy load, I just can't 'walk' away from. I do try to do much research on my own, but that in itself can overwhelm you, and I just have to walk away.
Thanks bunches,
pat