Krank, I must respond also for a couple reasons. !st one being I have recently been diagnosed with CRPS, obviously not to the extent as you and many others here have had to live with. I searched on line for a long time to find answers, which I accept I will never find one that is acceptable, but then stumbled onto this forum and realized that maybe I really wasn't searching for answers, but just a place to belong. I have only been on here for about 2 weeks and try to engage in as much communication as I can because it is true, our family and friends can't imagine the daily ups and downs we face. Each day may bring a new feeling whether it be physical or mental or even both. I have shut down also and feel alone, but i think that is my own doing, not anybody elses. I try everything my doctors suggest, yet it does get tiring when failure is often the result. Do I feel like giving up? Sure, but I won't do that, which brings me to my 2nd reason for replying. I have suicide in my family. My mom found her father dead from suicide, when she was only 13 years old. To this day, her life is so messed up, so he not only did the selfish thing, he destroyed his children's lives as well.

There is hope beyond the pain and frustrations. Share what ever you want. Send private messages too. This is the place to come where people understand, do not judge and do not get tired of hearing about the illness. I have learned so much, even though only being here 2 weeks. Being here helps with the very bad days!

You are not alone~always remember that!!

Hi
 

I had my jacket on -keys in pocket and ready to Leave today. My husband stopped me...I am not sure if I would have gone thru with it but glad now that I did not. Thankfully i have a wonderful sister who talked me back into life...Just got so frustrated when I woke up this am and noticed the RSD had spread more- every day..so unfair. Unlike most of you I am not a believer so I have to think of my family and my son.....and this beautiful world.

dont be sorry for posting
 

..........

DONT BE SORRY FOR LETTING OUT YOUR FEARS AND FEELINGS....... "
(quote)I have nothing left to contribute....nothing left to prove as I become more and more irrelevent to my so called friends, family and anyone else...the fight is over for me... >>
nothing is over for you- your wife needs you!!!!!!!!!:grouphug:

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are NOT irrelevant. Your wife needs you more than you realize. You sound like you are dealing with many stressors at the moment, which can really aggravate the pain and dampen our optimism. Sometimes the medications we take for RSD can also contribute to feelings of hopelessness and despair (I know after I started taking Lyrica I went into a severe depression; many of these meds have black-box warning labels on them now). Please talk to a professional about how you are feeling. And this may sound ridiculous, but is it possible for you to take your wife on a vacation somewhere warm for a bit? I thought I read in another post that you're from MN? I live there, too, and this has been the worst winter that I can remember in a long time.

Hi I am sorry for your loss of family members and your pain. I can relate to a lot of how you feel but we must try to find the smallest piece of hope left inside of us. Sometimes I have to take minute by minute to get through the day. If you want an email buddy I am here along with I know many others.Sending warm thoughts

Dear Krank

i cant add any more to what the wonderful folks who posted here before me.

i have internal rsd. i live with 80lbs of swelling on my abdomen, there is no way to reduce it. last weekend the pain over took me and i wound up in the hospital for 4 days to get me stable again. i had time to think. my husband who is my care taker was at home telling me how much he missed me ad how lonely he was without me.

i thought he would be happy to have a few days break from not caring for me. he has health issues too that cause him pain. i was laying in the hospital pretty depressed by my circumstance. i may never get out of this situation. a pain doctor came in to see me and lectured me on doing water exercises!! i thought i cant even get to the bathroom on my own and you want me to swim?
he explained that fighting this disease with exercise was the only way i could try to change my life. its the last thing i wanted to hear. but i guess if i want something different i have to try even though i know it will be hard to get to the pool, and i will be embarrassed because im very deformed...if i want a chance to change how i feel and maybe not be such a burden to my husband.....well its going to hurt, but i have to find the strength to try.

Im sorry for your losses and the struggles on your family!

Krank, find some way to do something different today to change whatever your normal day routine is. Just know that there are many more folks just like you who understand completely what you are living with and we need you here to help us go on. we do get strength from eachother here.
Just one hour at a time some days....
I care ...we all care
Lori

Honestly I dont know how to thank you all...I just want to feel whole again...like I'm worth something...I really dont know how everyone hangs on....the death of my brother and then my mother in January...I just cant take it anymore...even though we were miles apart my brother and my mother and me were very close...they encouraged me and knew me so well that I felt I was worth something...Their gone and Im still here watching my body rot...Im not sure anyone knows just what I've done...I love the outside and I loved to go go go...If I wasnt doing something I was like a wolf in a cage...thats why I joined the Army...I was a combat engineer and then I wasnt satisfied with that so I went to Atomic Demolition school...When I was at Fort Belvior they asked me to take the honor of guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier...I just couldnt see myself walking in circles for four years...So they shipped me to Fort Hood Tx in the 8th engineer Battalion...I really didnt like that job because I just sat around and Drove Generals around base...the only thing I liked was carrying the Battalion guide on for the monthly Battalion run...I ran 5 miles carrying a 60 lb flag in front of me...I dont know why Im writing about this because thats all done...and no matter what Ive done ....I can no longer do...in my mind I cant slow down and with the meds im just in a fog....That day was a very bad day I almost hung myself...I dont know what stopped me...no matter how I tried I couldnt get the rope over the truss in my garage and the pain was absolutely insane...Im sorry for worrying everyone...but I found out that I have a family and its right here....thank you all...God Bless

Dear Krank

reading your new post made my day! We have to encourage one another...we all have days like you had...you just have to push on one hour at a time. I live near Ft Belvoir...Leesburg VA. I work from home selling office supplies to the govt. One of my dearest accounts is serving the Army at Walter Reed hospital.
Its my joy to serve those who serve our country. Thank you for your time of service!

We all live in our memories of what we use to be able to do. I use to be one of the top female office supply sales reps on the East coast. when i got sick everything fell apart, my business went down hill...i lost my home, then lost my job. now i live in an apartment and work from home and im trying to rebuild my business but just dont have the energy and ability that i use to. but i keep pushing on and try to get my sales up. my boss gave me 90 days to get my sales up starting jan 1st. i have 2 more weeks till he reviews me again. Going from being a top sales person to be given a 90 day warning is just unbelievable to me...like its not even the same person. that day i got the warning i wanted to die...i just wanted out. after talking it out with my hubby...i have just dug in and have tried my best...time will tell

thanks for posting
Lori

Krank, Thank you so much for your service to our country. I am sure glad that that rope trick did not work out for you. Sometimes, I think, you just have to take it minute by minute to get through the day. I really hope that you can find a psychologist that you can develop a rapport with, you might just be surprised how much just talking to someone else can help. peace to you my friend, Lisa

I've been thinking a lot about you, Krank, and I was very happy to see your new post. Please know that a lot of positive energy and prayers are being sent your way.