[CRPSsongbird]

So it's been a little over a week since I had the D&C. My depression was getting so bad I talked to my OB's office, and they put me on an antidepressant and very strong anti anxiety medications. It's helping a little but I am not sure if that's a good thing as I just feel kind of numb about it all.

My arm has started really acting up today. What a nice addition to everything else. I'm trying to just stay calm and relax so I can hopefully prevent a full out flare up. We'll see.

I'm supposed to make an appointment to see a counselor soon, I'm hoping that will help. I also made the decision to take my old job back. Financially it is the best thing. I get almost 2 dollars more an hour and It's much closer to my home. Like 10 minutes away. The job I really liked, but just cant face right now was about 40 miles away, and I was spending close to 130 buck every to week in gas for minimum wage.

I was trying to apply for a supervisor position that would have made staying there possible. But unfortunately the position was posted and filled while I was out for my miscarriage....

So that's about it. I still feel depressed, but it's odd, like its there but masked...I really wanted my baby, but know I wont. Last might while trying to sleep I cried because I knew that down the line I could've held my baby in my arms, and it made me feel so empty.

But, I know I have to stay strong and get through it for my daughter. It's just still so hard....It just seems like I can never get a break.