An easter joke - what nationality was Jesus?

There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
(1) He went into his fathers business
(2) He stayed home until he was 33
(3) He thought that his mother was a virgin

But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an African American:
(1) He loved gospel
(2) He called everybody brother
(3) and there was no way that he could get a fair trial

Then again, there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian :
(1) He had wine with every meal
(2) He spoke with his hands
(3) and his mother thought that he was God

And 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish :
(1) He never got married
(2) He was always telling stories
(3) He loved green pastures

And then 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was from Queensland :
(1) He never cut his hair
(2) He walked around barefoot all the time
(3) He started a new religion

As well as 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was American Indian:
(1) He was at peace with nature
(2) He ate a lot of fish
(3) He spoke about the great spirit

However ...... the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus
was a woman -
(these arguments may also be used to prove he was an Army
cook) :
(1) He fed a crowd at a moments notice when there was no food
(2) He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't get it
(3) And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was work
to do.

All the best :)

couldnt let it drop out of sight lol.
 

An email a friend sent me, man ROFL!! :D

The Purina Diet

I have a Labrador Retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog: (DUH!)

On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!!!!

Have you ever felt guilty of thinking how ugly people are for their age?

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new Dentist when I noticed his DDS plaque on the wall with his full name on it.
I rememberd a tall, dark, and handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 odd years ago. Upon seeing him I quickly discarded any such thought that this balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face had been my classmate. HMMMM or could he???

After he examined my teeth I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School. Yes, he gleemed with pride.

When did you graduate, I asked.

He answered in 1959. Why do you asked?

You were in my class, I exclaimed.

He looked closely at me and that ugly S O B asked, " What class did you teach?'

I woulda socked him right in that ugly face :D

.................................................. ...............................

A Short Love Story


A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good, " she replied. "Get your own f'ing blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted loudly, rolled over and went back to sleep. :eek:

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.

One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?" God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?" God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"

.................................................. .................................................. ..

This customer must have RSD :D

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry.

So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Two blondes had locked themselves out of their car. One was standing there fiddleing with the keys trying to get the door unlocked when the other one said, " Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top is down.

A blonde was trying to tell this polock joke to a priest when the Priest stopped her and said, you do know I'm polish don't you.

The blonde then asked, Would you like for me to tell it slower?

The Survivors...
 

Remember when...??? Although this is about growing up in the US, it applies almost identically to old Brits! :)

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED
The 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?! :D

A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass.

From the pulpit, he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?"

All the men inside the Church stood up!

"No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?"

All the women inside the Church stood up!

"No, no, no...what I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?"

All the nuns stood up!

Jeez, Allen, have you gone mad? Did you drop some of that brown acid that people have been warning us about since 1969? It really is a bad trip. Pay attention.

Are you trying to start a religious was between Catholics and Protestants that would make the Shia/Sunni thing appear, by contrast, to be nothing more than a dispute between neighbors over who has to pull the weeds between the stick thingies in those picket fences that clutter that entire country?

Is that your purpose? Well, it's working.

Soon, brazillions of Americans will die because of your intemperate words. We're talking about old people. We're talking about children. We're talking about babies. We're talking about hot little teen-age girls.

Allen, come back from the edge. Reach out and grab the pole of reality I'm holding out to you. I'll pull you back. It's probably too late to save your immortal soul. but I think we can still salvage something from the dreck that you've become.

Your former friend...Vic

I know Im pathetic :p

Why I fired my Secretary.
 

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday.

"I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! "

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.


She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there... on the couch... …………naked.

That's a good one Allen.

Female Hormones in Beer.

Yesterday Scientist in the US revealed that beer contained traces of female hormones.
To prove their point they fed 100 men 12 pts. of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

I probably shouldn't post this here, but this is an RSD forum, and what I'm about to relate has nothing to do with RSD, so where else can I put it?

MI-5, Britain's CIA, has just announced that Al-Qaeda is suddenly overwhelmed with a spin control problem that may threated their entire Spring offensive in Afghanistan.

It appears that someone violated the Islamic rules about calling out the dead, performing a seance to put a grieving mother in touch with her late, suicide bomber son. He spoke with her and gave some alarming news:

According to reliable sources, he told her he had seen the 72 virgins, and that they appeared to be very young, but they were alll fat and ugly. No ****! How else would they have stayed virgins for 1200 years?

While there are no specific numbers, it is reported that volunteers for martyr missions are getting harder to find...

Blonde Kidnapper
 

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM.

Signed, The Blonde.

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.


The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note.

Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Actual newspaper ads from around the country
 

Wont let this topic fall off the page LOL. :winky:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single
Bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat .. Been out a while.
Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.

AND THE BEST ONE :

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes
Excellent condition
$1,000 or best offer
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything

Stress relief that really works
 

Just in case you have a rough day here is a stress management technique recommended in the latest Psychological Journal.

Just follow the seven steps below. This really does work.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under water.

See, it really works.

You're smiling.

A man screwed up and forgot to give his wife an anniversary gift, or even mention that he remembered it.

His justifiably upset wife was not in a forgiving mood:

"When I go outside to pick up the newspaper in the morning, there better be something in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in three seconds" she told him, "Otherwise, you better hide".

The next morning she went outside and there it was: A bright shiny-new scale.

Oh man he better hide for sure then!

I first heard this joke in 1967 and knew instantly that it is one of the best three jokes I have ever heard. I still think of it that way today, even though it is a total metaphor for my life. I still laugh, but now I laugh through the tears.

Mr Jones had worked hard for the company and was finally rewarded with a promotion and bump in salary. He bought a new car, the first NEW car he had ever bought. He was driving to the insurance company when a gust of wind blew a newspaper over his windshield.

After the firemen extricated him from the car; after looking at what had once been a $28,000 dream come true and was now litter that he had to pay to have it removed, Jones shrugged: "It's only a car" he told himself.

He knew the smoldering pile of wood was his house even before the taxi dropped him off. He wandered around, kicking rubble and charcoal out of the way once in a while, then noticed the note pinned to the front door. It was charred but readable:

"Dear Jones; while you were busy with that damn company and your career, I met a man who cares about me. I'm taking my kids with me. Sincerely; your ex-wife, Mrs Jones (soon to be Smith)."

Jones shrugged. "I'm only 45, I can build a new life" he told himself.

He took his share of the insurance payout and bought a desert island. No more cars, wives, children, jobs; life would be good.

During the next 15 years, Jones learned everything there is to know about crops that grow on islands. He had the best fruit and vegetables south of Hawaii, and ships would regularly drop anchor and but stuff.

Jones was making tons of money, but he hadn't thought of building a bank on his island so the best he could do was stash the money under the bed. The pile got so high he ended up buying a bunk bed.

Then one dark morning the biggest typhoon to ever hit the Pacific Ocean chose his island. Yup, when Jones came to, he was floating in the water and there was no land anyplace. His island had sunk.

After swimming 9 miles, Jones finally dragged his body onto a beach. Spitting out sand, salt water and seaweed, Jones looked up at Heaven.

"Why?" He asked. "Why me? Why always me?"

The sun reappeared from behind a cloud; rays of sunbeams splashed his body as he lay there.... Then a VOICE

I DUNNO JONES....THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT ****** ME OFF.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the Moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously, but he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
An official government translator was summoned. After HE finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these assholes. They've come to steal your land."

:D :D :D

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned." :eek:

Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to
hit?

Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring
up,even twenty miles away?

Do you remember hearing that, before the December tsunami struck
Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at
breakneck speed?

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs - have keen
insights into the Truth.

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible
disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a good ol' hound dog just KNOWS when something isn't
right

when impending doom is upon us . . .






http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y15...amer/doggy.jpg

What makes these so sad is that Mobil/Exxon declared a $26 Billion dollar profit this year

Here is round two! The scary part is this will make a lot of things prices go sky high, not just fuel. It is really a cryin shame!

very funny video
 

This video is priceless! Old lady versus fast car - let's hear it for this amazing woman!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWTieYeVtfc
all the best :)

Brunette jokes from a blonde
 

What do you call a date with a brunette ? ............................................



Brown bagging it.


What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? .................................................. ...............


Invisible.

I couldn't resist especially after the M&M joke!
Hope all are well, CZ

One more blonde joke....
 

How can you tell if ia blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?

-----

There are M&M shells all over the kitchen floor!



Hello all! I love these joke threads, thanks for the laugh! It has been quite some time!!!! I just wanted to say hello and I have been "lurking" for a while.........

Tigg!!!
 

Long time no see!

Good to see you!!!

OK im putting a link to an email flash someone sent me. This GRRRRREAt!!!

I will send this out to each person that sends me these types of emails LOL!! :winky:

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-...p-soapbox4.swf

tiggerz, it really is good to see you. My day is brighter now.

Allen, I'm already constipated and my hair is falling out: your threats don't frighten me...Vic

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8
year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood
activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan
into operation:


"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.


A few moments passed .. "An ambulance just drove by"


A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he
called out. "Matt is riding a new bike....."


A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving."


"Jason is on his skate board...."


A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex !!"


Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called
out, "How do you know they are having sex ?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."


:icecream: :ROTFLMAO:

IDIOT SIGHTING: I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep... From Kansas City !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge. To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open! His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi
!!! STAY ALERT !!!
They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE!!!

"I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold."
-- Gregory, 5

"Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I
forget why, but scientists are working on it."
-- Olive, 9

"It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to
heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And
then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes."
-- Matthew, 9

"Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do
something else."
-- Mitchell, 7

"My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for
science."
-- Henry, 8

"Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from holy cows."
-- Jack, 6

"Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The
basic message is where you went wrong before you got dead."
-- Daniel, 9

"When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten.
And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado."
-- Reagan, 10

"Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a
tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter."
-- Sara, 6

"Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter."
-- Jared , 8

"All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys
didn't go for it."
-- Antonio, 9

"My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head
start on helping me while she was still down here on earth."
-- Katelynn, 9

"Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the kid
get over it."
-- Vicki, 8

"What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love,
they shoot arrows at them."
-- Sarah, 7

:)

Allen
 

Thanks for the laughs!! I will tell you a true idiots in food service, My DH when to BK to get a cheeseburger and a veggie sandwich for me. He told the kid he did not want any meat on one of the sandwiches, just lettuce, tomatoes and cheese, and to double the amount of each veggie to take the place of the meat..Got both sandwiches, looked both had meat. I did not want meat on one :eek: Kid takes sandwich takes the burger out and comes back with wrapped sandwich. Husband looks again bacon on top of veggies Said I said NO MEAT Kid looks at him and said bacon isn't meat!!! The manager was doing paper work at a table near the front, gets up takes the sandwich makes one with no meat and gives the whole order to my huband free with a shake of his head. TRUE STORY!!:rolleyes: Carose

OK, small chuckles:

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

---------------------------------------------

Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can understand them too..

---------------------------------------------

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice echo from far, far away...

"We're down here!"

all the best :D