How can you tell if ia blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?

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There are M&M shells all over the kitchen floor!



Hello all! I love these joke threads, thanks for the laugh! It has been quite some time!!!! I just wanted to say hello and I have been "lurking" for a while.........

Long time no see!

Good to see you!!!

OK im putting a link to an email flash someone sent me. This GRRRRREAt!!!

I will send this out to each person that sends me these types of emails LOL!!

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-...p-soapbox4.swf

tiggerz, it really is good to see you. My day is brighter now.

Allen, I'm already constipated and my hair is falling out: your threats don't frighten me...Vic

Hi Allen.. I am LMAO over here! that was so funny! thanks again! Love, Desi

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8
year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood
activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan
into operation:


"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.


A few moments passed .. "An ambulance just drove by"


A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he
called out. "Matt is riding a new bike....."


A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving."


"Jason is on his skate board...."


A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex !!"


Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called
out, "How do you know they are having sex ?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

IDIOT SIGHTING: I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.

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IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS .

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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep... From Kansas City !

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IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge. To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

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IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open! His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi
!!! STAY ALERT !!!
They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE!!!

"I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold."
-- Gregory, 5

"Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I
forget why, but scientists are working on it."
-- Olive, 9

"It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to
heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And
then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes."
-- Matthew, 9

"Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do
something else."
-- Mitchell, 7

"My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for
science."
-- Henry, 8

"Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from holy cows."
-- Jack, 6

"Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The
basic message is where you went wrong before you got dead."
-- Daniel, 9

"When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten.
And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado."
-- Reagan, 10

"Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a
tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter."
-- Sara, 6

"Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter."
-- Jared , 8

"All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys
didn't go for it."
-- Antonio, 9

"My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head
start on helping me while she was still down here on earth."
-- Katelynn, 9

"Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the kid
get over it."
-- Vicki, 8

"What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love,
they shoot arrows at them."
-- Sarah, 7

Thanks for the laughs!! I will tell you a true idiots in food service, My DH when to BK to get a cheeseburger and a veggie sandwich for me. He told the kid he did not want any meat on one of the sandwiches, just lettuce, tomatoes and cheese, and to double the amount of each veggie to take the place of the meat..Got both sandwiches, looked both had meat. I did not want meat on one Kid takes sandwich takes the burger out and comes back with wrapped sandwich. Husband looks again bacon on top of veggies Said I said NO MEAT Kid looks at him and said bacon isn't meat!!! The manager was doing paper work at a table near the front, gets up takes the sandwich makes one with no meat and gives the whole order to my huband free with a shake of his head. TRUE STORY!! Carose

Allen and Carose, You two have me over in Ohio! Thanks! I needed these this morning!! Love, Desi

OK, small chuckles:

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can understand them too..

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Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice echo from far, far away...

"We're down here!"

all the best