Originally Posted by ballerina

Maybe your husband should refrain from discussing his personal life at work. I am a little confused about his boss not paying for a "fake " disorder. Why would your husband's boss pay for any medical bills. If your husband has health insurance and you are on it how is your husband's boss involved?

If your husband is concerned about what his co-workers have been saying about your health issues then why did he discuss your application for SSDI?????Just a thought.

Originally Posted by fmichael

Dear Cindi -

Sadly, I've heard of too many places where a single trip to HR to complain about a boss sets someone up for outright retaliation if not termination based on completely spurious grounds. I'm with Pete, the matter should be handled as discretely as possible but through an attorney who is recognized for his/her work in representing plaintiff in employment litigation.

Unless your husband can be personally referred to someone with experience in the field, you may want to check out the Martindale-Hubbell search engine at http://www.martindale.com/Find-Lawye...Law-Firms.aspx And if you use the search engine, I would look for attorneys in your area with ratings of "A-V" or "B-V" with a practice area including "Labor and Employment" and preferably a sub-specialty in "Employee Rights." An explanation of the ratings system can be found here http://www.martindale.com/Products_a...w_Ratings.aspx

The site is absolutely free. Martindale-Hubbell has been around for 140 years, primarily providing a publishing peer ratings of attorneys, so that a lawyer could simply consult a single set of books for the names, specialties and ratings of attorneys in every city/county in the country, should s/he need to find local co-counsel quickly. (The firm is now a division of the legal search engine giant Lexis-Nexis, which itself is a division of Reed Elsevier, a publicly traded European publisher, with headquarters in London and Amsterdam.)

And for what it's worth, as to your husband - the employee - it is my sense that it's not so much a matter of ADA violations or the like, as much as state-law based claims of a "hostile work environment," except to the extent your husband's manager has access to what should be your private insurance records, and is then broadcasting his distorted take on that information through the work site, in which case there may be federal claims for HIPPA violations which could then be asserted in your name. Dunno.

Good luck.

Mike

Originally Posted by kathy d

Dear Cindi1965 and her husband,
I am very deeply sorry that you both have to go through all this mess. Unfortunately, I have been through it all too. I know how painful it is to you both. I had the worst time in my workplace too. My boss actually walked around limping in front of other people and when asked what he was doing said he was imitating me! I had three reputable people tell me at three different times. I was furious...also my boss was my relative and I have to see him at any family functions!! So, it created a nightmare within my family because he said I was faking it and tried to deny my injury at work. I had to get an attorney, it has ruined my family life, my son's life (who now doesn't want to live has tried to kill himself already and I have to watch this every day). After over six years of giving my family books to read about rsd, emails sent to them to help them understand it all, talking to them numerous times, etc. I have given up on them. I try my hardest not to tell them anything going on in my life or how I am feeling because they are just in denial and are clueless. I have learned that when you are healthy and making money everyone wants to be your friend...but when you are disabled and broke no one wants to have anything to do with you.

I have also been letdown by the medical community. Some of my "highlights" are: being treated like a drug addict when I arrived in the ER for the third time with heightened pain, been told by another doctor that when he was younger he had the same injury as me and he is fine, etc... People just don't get it and never will. I told the last doctor to consider himself blessed that he did not have to go through what I do on a daily basis. I believe your husband's co should be forced to pay for your health needs as that is why you have ins in the first place. I have seen things on the news where businesses will actually fire the working employee so they don't have to pay for the spouse's health bills. Your husband needs to not say anything to his coworkers about your condition as they will never get it. If asked he can say as I do "I am just trying to survive each day while living in pain" OR "Consider yourself blessed that you or your loved ones don't have to go through what my wife does on a daily basis." And leave it at that.

My blood pressure is boiling right now over what they are doing to you both. They are just idiots. You and your husband (but esp you) need to get rid of the negative things around you and only be around positive as I have had to do. People also don't realize the relentless pain we go through and how it affects every aspect of our lives. Things we used to do within five mins can take us days to do now. I try to pray alot and I laugh at least once a day. That is my medicine haha.

Also, if your husband does not tell anyone a thing about you and then his boss knows and goes and talks to them about it your husband needs to sit his boss down and ask him not to discuss confidential information about your family with the office. My son told me one thing that I decided to try with my family member...he said to ignore him as he ignores me. If others are in the room he will say hello to me and ask how I am doing but if no one is around he doesn't even say hello. It has been very hurtful to me since we used to be really close. So I tried this method out and it does work. If I walk into a room and he is the only one in it I ignore him and then I noticed he says hello to me. I am giving him what he has given me over the years...ignorance. Like someone said earlier "What comes around goes around."

I have also noticed that when things happen to me (or have in the past) family members treat it as no big deal but if something happens to them it is the end of the world because THEY are going through it.

Just do what you both think is best for your family. Maybe when your husband ignores his coworkers they will move on to the next thing to be made fun of. Sounds like they are all just a bunch of bullies to me. Hang in there. I am glad you both have each other to get through this "journey" in your life. I am single and it all has been overwhelming as I have no one to help with finances, parenting, or just for emotional support. It is great to have your husband as your advocate who can fight for you when you are unable to do so. Hope my suggestions can help you both a bit. People are just ignorant and clueless most of the time. Support and love each other and take care of your life.
Best to you both,
kathy d

Originally Posted by ballerina

Just curious, what reason did your husband's boss give for refusing to put you on his healthcare insurance?

Originally Posted by ballerina

Still confused. This doesn't make sense. Is it the boss who claims that it is too expensive to put you on the insurance or your husband who feels it is too expensive to purchase.

If it is your husband's boss is he claiming it is too expensive too to put all spouses on the plan or just you?