Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (Complex Regional Pain Syndromes Type I) and Causalgia (Complex Regional Pain Syndromes Type II)(RSD and CRPS)


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Old 09-02-2011, 12:07 PM #1
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Default I can't believe what my husband has been going through

This morning before my husband went to work and confessed that he was beginning to hate his job and I asked him why. He didn't want to tell me at first because he didn't want my symptoms to act up beacuse I have had a horrible 7 days. I talked him into it because I could tell he NEEDED to tell me.
Well apparently for the last 3 years his boss and the other employees have been making fun of me and telling him that I am faking this "RSD stuff" and that I just lay around because I'm lazy. I worked for 24 years as an autism mentor with our board of education and was only 6 years from retirement...why would I quit a job like that if I could do it?! I made way more money than my husband and I had health insurance. Now, because the RSD has spread I have a hard time doing anything except take care of my 10 year old son. We have to pay out of pocket for all my medical expenses because his boss says he won't pay for a "fake" disorder....I was also born with cerebral palsy which none of them believe. What can I do to stop this? My husband is the most wonderful man in the world and I knew something was wrong, but I had no clue it was about me. I am so close to getting my SSDI and that's another thing they gripe about...they are sooo stupid. SSDI is MY money that I worked for for the last 24 years and they are saying that I will live off the govt!!!! I am soooo made that I can't see straight. Someone give me some advice, PLEASE!
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Old 09-02-2011, 12:58 PM #2
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You don't want to hear my advice. Ok, I wont go in that direction (screaming at idiot boss and worthless co-workers). One bit of common sense I learned about people who fake disabilities and or those who are drug seekers is this--they never ever use the excuse that they are ill with RSD, never. Why, because you can't fake it and or not for long. My advice is to educate them the best he can. Me personally, if I was your husband, would confront the boss and set him/her straight with as much reading material/websites/letters from doctors etc. as possible. Try to convince them how unrelenting this condition can be and is and what it is. My co-workers know how passionate I am about this disease because of all the battles I've had on the phone dealing and yelling at insurance companies, wife's former employer, lawyers, her ignorant family, SS, mortgage bankers, bill collectors on and on. The fact I'm a straight forward person who is very serious most of the time. That I don't BS around and they know how much of a fight I was willing to put up in acquiring my wife's rights and benefits so if anything ever happened to me she'd at least have something to help her through her ordeal. My co-workers believe RSD exists. Those in the past who put up the slightest argument about it lost in short order including my own father who does not question the existence of RSD any longer because he got educated from me and reading.
Enough of the rant. All I can say is he needs to educate these people the best he can.
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:32 PM #3
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Maybe your husband should refrain from discussing his personal life at work. I am a little confused about his boss not paying for a "fake " disorder. Why would your husband's boss pay for any medical bills. If your husband has health insurance and you are on it how is your husband's boss involved?

If your husband is concerned about what his co-workers have been saying about your health issues then why did he discuss your application for SSDI?????Just a thought.
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Old 09-02-2011, 02:31 PM #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ballerina View Post
Maybe your husband should refrain from discussing his personal life at work. I am a little confused about his boss not paying for a "fake " disorder. Why would your husband's boss pay for any medical bills. If your husband has health insurance and you are on it how is your husband's boss involved?

If your husband is concerned about what his co-workers have been saying about your health issues then why did he discuss your application for SSDI?????Just a thought.


Obviously..... Your husbands boss has never lived, or had a loved one had to live with RSD!!!! So much I want to say but I will refrain only saying...watch it Mr. Boss.... It could be you next or your wife with this or a relentless disease, do come worse then RSD ??, but anyway.... What comes around .. goes around and he may have to live with this h***.... have fun buddy boy... Let's see what you say then..!

So sorry Cindi...some people are very mean! I would ask your husband not to have any conversation of any kind that even comes close to his personal life ESP. When it comes to you or your illness!

Hugz, Kathy
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:47 PM #5
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Dear Cindi1965 and her husband,
I am very deeply sorry that you both have to go through all this mess. Unfortunately, I have been through it all too. I know how painful it is to you both. I had the worst time in my workplace too. My boss actually walked around limping in front of other people and when asked what he was doing said he was imitating me! I had three reputable people tell me at three different times. I was furious...also my boss was my relative and I have to see him at any family functions!! So, it created a nightmare within my family because he said I was faking it and tried to deny my injury at work. I had to get an attorney, it has ruined my family life, my son's life (who now doesn't want to live has tried to kill himself already and I have to watch this every day). After over six years of giving my family books to read about rsd, emails sent to them to help them understand it all, talking to them numerous times, etc. I have given up on them. I try my hardest not to tell them anything going on in my life or how I am feeling because they are just in denial and are clueless. I have learned that when you are healthy and making money everyone wants to be your friend...but when you are disabled and broke no one wants to have anything to do with you.

I have also been letdown by the medical community. Some of my "highlights" are: being treated like a drug addict when I arrived in the ER for the third time with heightened pain, been told by another doctor that when he was younger he had the same injury as me and he is fine, etc... People just don't get it and never will. I told the last doctor to consider himself blessed that he did not have to go through what I do on a daily basis. I believe your husband's co should be forced to pay for your health needs as that is why you have ins in the first place. I have seen things on the news where businesses will actually fire the working employee so they don't have to pay for the spouse's health bills. Your husband needs to not say anything to his coworkers about your condition as they will never get it. If asked he can say as I do "I am just trying to survive each day while living in pain" OR "Consider yourself blessed that you or your loved ones don't have to go through what my wife does on a daily basis." And leave it at that.

My blood pressure is boiling right now over what they are doing to you both. They are just idiots. You and your husband (but esp you) need to get rid of the negative things around you and only be around positive as I have had to do. People also don't realize the relentless pain we go through and how it affects every aspect of our lives. Things we used to do within five mins can take us days to do now. I try to pray alot and I laugh at least once a day. That is my medicine haha.

Also, if your husband does not tell anyone a thing about you and then his boss knows and goes and talks to them about it your husband needs to sit his boss down and ask him not to discuss confidential information about your family with the office. My son told me one thing that I decided to try with my family member...he said to ignore him as he ignores me. If others are in the room he will say hello to me and ask how I am doing but if no one is around he doesn't even say hello. It has been very hurtful to me since we used to be really close. So I tried this method out and it does work. If I walk into a room and he is the only one in it I ignore him and then I noticed he says hello to me. I am giving him what he has given me over the years...ignorance. Like someone said earlier "What comes around goes around."

I have also noticed that when things happen to me (or have in the past) family members treat it as no big deal but if something happens to them it is the end of the world because THEY are going through it.

Just do what you both think is best for your family. Maybe when your husband ignores his coworkers they will move on to the next thing to be made fun of. Sounds like they are all just a bunch of bullies to me. Hang in there. I am glad you both have each other to get through this "journey" in your life. I am single and it all has been overwhelming as I have no one to help with finances, parenting, or just for emotional support. It is great to have your husband as your advocate who can fight for you when you are unable to do so. Hope my suggestions can help you both a bit. People are just ignorant and clueless most of the time. Support and love each other and take care of your life.
Best to you both,
kathy d
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Old 09-02-2011, 09:01 PM #6
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I don't want to get into this very deeply right now, because I'm riled!
I WAS the boss, and had my employees, well. OK, too much already.

It DOES seem to me, that some laws have been broken.
I'm wondering, if a good stout letter from an attorney to your husbands boss, (with no other words exchanged, via him or you) to this 'boss', wouldn't shut EVERYTHING down?

It might cost a couple hundred to have this done, unless you have an attorney, but you, and your husband are being incredibly disrespected, and called out for nothing that is your fault!

Lack of education, makes these folks IDIOTS!
Maybe, there is someone there, who has a brain (at your husbands workplace?)

Look up the ADA, and go from there.
The disrespect, and frustration must be incredible!

My Prayers for you, Cindi~!


Pete

asb
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Old 09-02-2011, 11:10 PM #7
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I thought about a lawyer like Pete said for you to get things calmed down but then figured out that it might make matter worse than what they already are. Is there a Human Relations Dept at your husband's work that may be able to step in and guide all involved? I know some small companies don't have a dept. I agree with Pete that ADA should be consulted about what to do and agree that the disrespect they have done towards you both is horrible. They are like a train out of control in that office and need to be stopped. However, I am also afraid like I said that they could make things worse so that he has to quit there. Hard to believe I know. Keep us informed of your progess with this matter. Cindi your husband is so sweet not wanting to tell you all these years so as not to upset your condition. What a guy.
Best of luck,
kathy d
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Old 09-03-2011, 03:39 AM #8
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Dear Cindi -

Sadly, I've heard of too many places where a single trip to HR to complain about a boss sets someone up for outright retaliation if not termination based on completely spurious grounds. I'm with Pete, the matter should be handled as discretely as possible but through an attorney who is recognized for his/her work in representing plaintiff in employment litigation.

Unless your husband can be personally referred to someone with experience in the field, you may want to check out the Martindale-Hubbell search engine at http://www.martindale.com/Find-Lawye...Law-Firms.aspx And if you use the search engine, I would look for attorneys in your area with ratings of "A-V" or "B-V" with a practice area including "Labor and Employment" and preferably a sub-specialty in "Employee Rights." An explanation of the ratings system can be found here http://www.martindale.com/Products_a...w_Ratings.aspx

The site is absolutely free. Martindale-Hubbell has been around for 140 years, primarily providing a publishing peer ratings of attorneys, so that a lawyer could simply consult a single set of books for the names, specialties and ratings of attorneys in every city/county in the country, should s/he need to find local co-counsel quickly. (The firm is now a division of the legal search engine giant Lexis-Nexis, which itself is a division of Reed Elsevier, a publicly traded European publisher, with headquarters in London and Amsterdam.)

And for what it's worth, as to your husband - the employee - it is my sense that it's not so much a matter of ADA violations or the like, as much as state-law based claims of a "hostile work environment," except to the extent your husband's manager has access to what should be your private insurance records, and is then broadcasting his distorted take on that information through the work site, in which case there may be federal claims for HIPPA violations which could then be asserted in your name. Dunno.

Good luck.

Mike
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Old 09-03-2011, 10:42 AM #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ballerina View Post
Maybe your husband should refrain from discussing his personal life at work. I am a little confused about his boss not paying for a "fake " disorder. Why would your husband's boss pay for any medical bills. If your husband has health insurance and you are on it how is your husband's boss involved?

If your husband is concerned about what his co-workers have been saying about your health issues then why did he discuss your application for SSDI?????Just a thought.
I am not on my husband's health insurance...his boss will not consider it at all...I am wait on my disability to go through.
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Old 09-03-2011, 10:56 AM #10
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Do you mean that the health insurance is available to spouses of all employees but you husband's boss is refusing only you and not other spouses?
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