Boy...these past few weeks (well...the entire year really) have been quite a rollercoater for me. My RSD has gotten so much worse since this time last year, spreading from just being in my ankle to being now in my whole upper body. I was confined to a wheel chair and unable to even stand for months, bounced around from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was going on, and finally felt like I was on the right track once I found a compassionate doctor who is willing to take on the challenge of managing my medications, getting my symptoms under control, and get me back to functioning like a normal human being. Well...I AM on the right track.

But a couple of weeks ago I found out the appeal decision on my work comp injury went down SIGNIFICANTLY (work appealed is, not me) and that sent me into a tail spin emotionally. Not really the decision itself which is disappointing but definitely worth fighting...but the attitude of my attorney which is now frustratingly pessimistic. I understand it to a degree because he just lost a lot of money, but man up and fight is my response and instead he's acting like a scared little puppy with its tail between its legs. That's more disappointing than just a bad appeal decision. Then work comp stopped sending me TTD checks...which is frustrating because they have fallen behind as much as 4 weeks before for no reason and I can never tell if they are cutting me off or just behind. Apparently my attorney can't either so in the mean time I am in limbo with no money...and until I know for sure if they are just behind or terminating benefits I can't really work on a resolution except to have plans in place for either situation.

But I spent the last week putting all of that out of my mind and refocusing on my health and things are now improving. I know my lawyer doesn't care about my health, work comp certainly doesn't, and I just need to keep reminding myself of what is the most important thing. I hate when I start to let these other things get to me..I feel like I should know better but sometimes I just lose my control of those feelings. But then I think to myself that worst case scenario I lose my job and have no money but if I have my health (such as it is) and am surrounded by people who love me I am still really very lucky. So that's where I need to keep myself. If I let myself REALLY go down into the pits then I could lose everything and that would really suck.

Just needed to vent a little bit. Sometimes I live so much inside my head and I need to let it all out so I can really move on and put these things behind me. Thanks, everyone, for always being there to listen and help me cope with this pain and all that comes with it.