Your poem is tragic yet beautiful. I feel for you. I hope you find your way soon. The pain of loss, our emotional pain, is often is as painful as what we feel physically as CRPS patients. In fact, it can bring on our physical pain. My hope for you is peace. Thinking about you.

Poor Songbird
 

Oh, poor CRPSongbird. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

A miscarriage is not your fault. I think losing a baby is like trying to hold on to an ice cube. No matter how hard you squeeze trying to hold on it still melts away between your fingers.

You know, they say every day of our life is written in God's book long before we ever come to be. Not everyone views it the same as me, so I generally keep it tucked away in my heart like a secret. However, I know the two I lost are just as much a person as the three I've given birth to. I know they exist. In heaven they will get two know their brother and sisters who ended up staying in this world a bit longer than they did.

I believe even miscarried baby's lives were written in God's book long before they were conceived. So if God knew of a life that wasn't going to be here for very long what a wonderful mom that baby got to live in. Imagine it tucked in your warmth lulling to sleep with the sound of your rhythmic heartbeat. They got to listen to your singing and hear how funny it sounded when you laughted. How marvelous it must have been for them that even though God knew their life was going to be short he still loved them and treated them so special as to give them the gift of a beautiful loving mother like you.

As far as any medication might go, it's quite possible the medication affected both of you in such a positive way that the two of you were together for many more days than if you hadn't been taking any.

Please know I'm so sorry it hurts. Try as best you can to take care of yourself, asking others to help watch over how blue you feel. Don't feel you need to get over this according to someone else's timetable. You take the time you need.

That being said, sometimes feelings can be so strong that their more than anyone should have to feel. Talk to your counselor, doctor, or psychiatrist soon. The longer one feels overwhelmed and doesn't get some professional help the harder it can be to come back from it.

Know you are loved.