First, let me explain how it all began. In January of last year a man broke into my home while I was sleeping. I woke up, approached him and was immediately attacked by him. I'm a big guy, so I fought him (successfully) out of my house and onto the street in front of my home. My then live-in girlfriend called the police, who showed up shortly and arrested the individual. I was only in my pajamas, so I had no shoes on and suffered considerable damage to my poor feet! They were bashed and bruised, and I had a displaced fracture of a pinky toe. I also had a considerable amount of blood from that individual make it's way into my mouth (I'm not a violent person but I will say I at least delivered that jerk a serious beating!).

Within a month the weird nerve pain set in. My feet would ache and burn -- and it was worse at rest. I was in nearly constant pain, and my world quickly took a tumble down the rabbit hole. I lost my girlfriend, quit my job, stopped playing sports -- at 28 years old I felt totally crippled. Doctors couldn't tell me what was going on, so I theorized that I had somehow contracted some sort of horrible neurological disease and that I was on the fast-track for intractable, chronic pain. I felt like life had been yanked right out from under me.

Fast forward a year and I finally saw an amazing pain specialist in Seattle. He quickly diagnosed with me "sympathetically mediated pain." He said I'm borderline CRPS, but he actually thinks I haven't yet hit even stage I of the disorder. For this I am immensely grateful. He said he "hopes" we can beat the pain into remission by aggressively treating it -- the hard part is -- aggressively treating it involves quite the medical roller-coaster ride.

That leads me here, as I'm frankly feeling a little lost and unsure of my prognosis. I've got a few questions I'd like to ask each of you:

1. I'm 28, young and healthy despite my "sympathetically mediated pain". I've actually recently started exercising again and noticed a benefit, so I'm going to continue to do that. I used to love to run -- which I've tried doing again, but sometimes it actually seems to hurt more. Am I doing damage by running "through the pain" -- should I look for a more low-impact exercise routine?

2. My doctor says I'm early stage since I only have pain, some vasomotor instability, and increased sweating in my feet. Does this sound accurate to you guys?

3. My doctor's treatment plan is the following:

6 lower lumbar sympathetic blocks (3 in my right, 3 in my left). I had my second block yesterday and it totally knocked out the pain for a whole day. Today the pain is back and at a 3-4 (better than usual). That leaves me pretty optimistic.

He wants me to take Cymbalta and Lyrica. He says it should provide immediate relief and help get my nervous system back to the proper state. I'm a little worried about side effects? Anyone here taking these? What has your experience been?

Pain psychology to help treat the underlying anxiety and depression accompanying this mess, as well as teach me pain coping skill and resolve any degree of pain which may be created by my (poor) emotional state.

What do you guys think of this treatment plan?

4. What do you guys think my chances are of beating this thing into remission and getting my life back? Will I ever truly feel 100% again? Do you guys know anyone who has beaten this bad boy?

5. Anything else you would suggest to me to help get over this / cope with this?

I really appreciate any advice you can provide.

Hi toe,
I'm no medical professional, but I've definately been on the
treatment "rollercoaster". I feel fortunate because some folks on
here are much worse off & have more trouble getting any relilef & have
lived with it much longer.
I keep looking for a timeline when there just isn't one. Everyone's
different with this.
I think youth is on your side. My P.M. Dr. IS in remission from RSD/CRPS.
(How lucky was I to find her?) She was a young teen however.
They started me on a big cocktail of meds. It's an experimentation
process to see what helps. For me Cymbalta & Lyrica work pretty well.
I had to taper off Lyrica. I'm not in remission but the nerve blocks
help A LOT & in combo with physical therapy.
More later, can't type any more right now.

Hi ToePain love the name!

Sorry you've got this beast to deal with....but....life can still be good, it's just about learning to find and cope with your new limitations, and making the best of what you can still do.

Just for context, I've had CRPS for nearly 3 years, it started in my left knee after an op, and has spread to both feet, my whole left leg and arm, and increasingly in the left side of my torso. Fun and games as we all know. I had to give up my job which was pretty physical, and started doing self-employed work which I enjoy. Unfortunately there's no sick pay lol, but it's better than nothing .

I'll answer your questions ones by one from just my perspective lol

1) exercise is definitely beneficial, so keep doing it....BUT you might find that running is a step too far to start with. It's quite a high impact activity in many ways, and something gentler on your body might be better for a while while you find your new 'normal'! Swimming, rowing, cycling etc are all better for your feet and legs.

2) I kind of know what he means, but I'd be wary of any mention of stages, as they have been shown to be inaccurate. This disease varies wildly between individuals, and symptoms can vary both in how bad they are, and whether they are present at all. The best thing you can do is to read up about the condition, sticking only to reputable sites and steering clear of any photos.

3) The treatment plan sounds pretty good to start with. The lumbar blocks can be effective for some people, especially if started early on, but others end up stopping them because they don't work so well. It's an individual thing. Just listen to your own body and go by its reaction and how you feel - don't give in to pressure from doctors about what they think you should do. It's important to be in control of what happens to you. Question, research and decide for yourself. It's your body and your pain!
Lyrica is my drug of choice, both for the long term pain and stabbing pains, and because it's fairly gentle on my stomach and mind lol! I've tried lots of other meds and lyrica is the best so far. That's just me though - it's important that you find what's right for you. Just don't expect miracles - most drugs can take the edge off the pain, or reduce certain sensations, but not much takes it all away...harsh but true.
The pain management counselling type of treatment is very important IMHO. I was very sceptical, but learning to deal with the psychological aspects of having a chronic pain condition, especially one so poorly understood, is invaluable. I have an hour a day most days where I do a set of CRPS management - physio exercises, massage and meditation. It all helps with the pain a lot more than any meds! I use the Mindfulness meditations, they are on YouTube for free

5) after more than a year, it is unlikely that you will be cured. Folk who manage to beat this normally get aggressive treatment within the first 3-6 months, and the disease just seems to stop - sadly that just doesn't happen for too many people. BUT this is manageable. It's just about those awful words, acceptance, coping and pacing. You do have to find your new level and then keep pushing on everyday to maintain what you have and try to slowly improve. It's important not to try to do too much at a time - small, steady steps will get you a lot further! Avoid doing loads on a 'good' day, because we then tend to suffer for the next couple of days after. Better to try to do a similar level of activity every day, whether good or bad, and then add to it a little at a time, varying it when you have to. It gives you a lot more scope for a day out when you can.

Feeling 100% again may never happen. But you'll find you can still have a great time at 80%. As I found recently when I herniated a disc in my back you have to be glad of, and deal with, what you have now, because it can get worse, stuff happens, and you don't want to have wasted the days waiting for things to get better, because in all honesty, this might be a good day now. Just not as good as you would like! Your old perceptions of wellness have to go out of the window, and you need to find your new good and bad. I find that psychologically I cope a lot better when I'm not constantly comparing how I feel now with how I used to feel before CRPS.

6) other things to try.....unperfumed Epsom salts, a few tablespoons either in a warm bath or wrapped in a damp cloth and applied to your skin when it burns. The magnesium is very good for us, and used regularly it improves the sensitivity and burning.

One last thing......NO ICE EVER AGAIN ON YOUR BODY. No matter who tells you to....physios, docs, nurses. Just don't do it. For swelling use NSAIDs and elevation, not ice. Ice affects our already crappy skin and circulation, and causes permanent damage and increased pain. Not worth it, believe me. Steer clear of any extremes of temperature, because your skin just can't deal with it the way it used to.

Soooooooooo sorry about all that. But it's best to get as much info as you can now, and let it all sink in. Just remember that you will always see more negative than positive stories on the Internet, because folk who are doing ok just don't need the support of sites like this!

Keep posting and asking questions. You will have some black times, but plenty of good ones too. Find a smile every day, and do the things you enjoy as much as you can. Don't let this thing take away your fun, or change who you are. You can find new ways to do some things, and replace stuff you can't do any more with new interests and pursuits. Sounds naff and trite I know, but it's true. Stay in touch with your friends, educate your family, and speak out if you need people to accommodate any new needs you have. Ask for help if you need it too, often people just don't know what to do for the best, so they do nothing. It's easy to take that the wrong way!

I wish you nothing but the best with this. You might not beat this, but you can certainly climb on top of it and quiet it down. Stay positive and never give up.

Bram

Hi Toe, I'm sorry you have rsd and at such a young age no less. I've had it for over three years and I'm 49. Mine started in wrist after I broke it and had a closed reduction. My symptoms were immobility of wrist and fingers and shoulder. Dark red to purple color on my hand to my wrist. You could see a line where the rsd stopped on my wrist. I had severe internal pain, but the sensitivity to touch and burning pain came a few years later. As did the sweating. I've had eight nerveblocks, three surgeries and lost a tooth, cracked a couple more and lost some hair since then. I have had spread to all my limbs and stomach and mouth. I am in constant pain and have gotten fibromyalgia a few years later as well. I lost my gallbladder and stones a few days ago and had a oopherctomy and hysterectomy a few years ago. My ortho dr sent me three months after diaganosed to a pm dr. He started me on the nerveblocks and neuronten and continuted the percocet that the ortho dr prescribed to me. I went to pt three times a week for six months and a neurologist who had me on high does of prednisone for two months. I also see a psychiatrist every three months. He prescribes xanax and zoloft for me. I tried cymbalta and felt extrememly depressed from it so I went back on xananx which helps a little with my panic attacks. I've never treid lyrica though. The neurontin and percs and xananx and zoloft and vit d for osteopnia and osptearthiritis I have now in my hips to help to avoid thin bones, because breaking bones can cause possible spread of rsd. The pills I take every day to help keep my rsd pain under control helps me to function a little and get out of bed each day. It has taken a toll on my stomach though. I stopped taking Advil because that was really irritating my stomach. I'm hoping I can cut back on the percs once the weather warms up. Cold and rsd don't mix well. Everything I tried helped a little to keep rsd pain and spread under control, but this past year I have been told by some of my drs that they suspect rsd spread in my arms and feet. Excessive dark hair growth and redness and swelling, burning and pain are the symptms and lack of movment are the sysmptom. atrophy. You caught yours early and I will pray you go into remission. My pm dr has seen it happen to some and has seen spread in others. There is no ryhym or reason. Keep doing pt but make sure they don't ice your arm after each session. Ice is Bad for Rsd. Prednisone helped me more than nerve blcks to get some movement back. But can be take only short term. My pm want me to try scs but my neruologist ssaid no for fear of risk of infection. I also have scoliosis, so it scared me too mcuh so I didn't do it. It's only good for the first two years anyway and I had two surgeries at the time done so was in no shape anyway. I think having a good team of drs, the support of family and friends like the friends on this forum and learning as much as you can about rsd like on the internet (rsd hope is a good one), and never giving up and taking one day at a time is the key to surviving and hopefully going into remission. I have found a pain psycholoigist to help cope with rsd. I think it's great that you found one. Water therapy slow paced is great too. I will pray that you go into remission and that you can resume the life you had. But no matter what happen, you are never alone, as long as you have a good support system. The people on this forum are the best and are always there for you if you need them. I know because they are always there when I need them. You will find that you are stronger than you think you are in your journey with rsd and you will be okay because you always have a friend me and the others here on this forum. Take care my friend. With love,Renee. PS sorry about typos, my fingers are very stiff today and my brain is fuzzy due to lack of sleep.

First, let me explain how it all began. In January of last year a man broke into my home while I was sleeping. I woke up, approached him and was immediately attacked by him. I'm a big guy, so I fought him (successfully) out of my house and onto the street in front of my home. My then live-in girlfriend called the police, who showed up shortly and arrested the individual. I was only in my pajamas, so I had no shoes on and suffered considerable damage to my poor feet! They were bashed and bruised, and I had a displaced fracture of a pinky toe. I also had a considerable amount of blood from that individual make it's way into my mouth (I'm not a violent person but I will say I at least delivered that jerk a serious beating!).

Within a month the weird nerve pain set in. My feet would ache and burn -- and it was worse at rest. I was in nearly constant pain, and my world quickly took a tumble down the rabbit hole. I lost my girlfriend, quit my job, stopped playing sports -- at 28 years old I felt totally crippled. Doctors couldn't tell me what was going on, so I theorized that I had somehow contracted some sort of horrible neurological disease and that I was on the fast-track for intractable, chronic pain. I felt like life had been yanked right out from under me.

Ugh – sucks. Suuuuuucks!!!!! Been there. Never more alone then there. Here is better than there.

That’s a way more impressive story than most of us here though

Fast forward a year and I finally saw an amazing pain specialist in Seattle. He quickly diagnosed with me "sympathetically mediated pain." He said I'm borderline CRPS, but he actually thinks I haven't yet hit even stage I of the disorder. For this I am immensely grateful. He said he "hopes" we can beat the pain into remission by aggressively treating it -- the hard part is -- aggressively treating it involves quite the medical roller-coaster ride.

That leads me here, as I'm frankly feeling a little lost and unsure of my prognosis. I've got a few questions I'd like to ask each of you:

1. I'm 28, young and healthy despite my "sympathetically mediated pain". I've actually recently started exercising again and noticed a benefit, so I'm going to continue to do that. I used to love to run -- which I've tried doing again, but sometimes it actually seems to hurt more. Am I doing damage by running "through the pain" -- should I look for a more low-impact exercise routine?

To me, the Move It Or Lose It Rule applies. This, however, is one of major paradoxes of CRPS. Overdoing it will send pain levels through the roof. Not doing anything makes it hurt worse, as you’ve already discovered.

No one can say if this is “classic” RSD/CRPS any better than your doctor. If it is indeed RSD, you caught this thing at what appears to be an early stage and at a young age. The fact that it sounds like things haven’t progressed beyond the original site in the past year and has “stabilized,” more or less, is a very promising sign.

I personally would go more low impact. In addition to what Bram has described, walking will give you all the benefits, get you outside, and likely result in less pain and more healing at the early stage. But it’s on you, Toe! Do what YOU think benefits you.

2. My doctor says I'm early stage since I only have pain, some vasomotor instability, and increased sweating in my feet. Does this sound accurate to you guys?

Yes – those are some of the more pertinent symptoms. But stages and symptoms vary bigtime. I’d say you’re still in great shape though. For reference and comparison’s sake, here are mine copied and pasted from my old pain journal (in no particular order):

1) Constant deep burning pain average level 9 out of 10 when dependent (foot down). Pain level highest in entire foot but also in Achilles, calf, and lower hamstring.
2) In dependent position, bloodflow pooled up entire limb until right leg from the knee down turned a deep shade of purple.
3) Insomnia. Pain level increased at night.
4) In elevated position, pain level decreased to 7 out of 10.
5) General swelling along entire foot and ankle.
6) Intermittent electric shock type stabbing pain.
7) Scaliness/skin flaking.
8) Skin temperature 5-10 degrees hotter.
9) Constant sweating.
10) Intermittent muscle spasms.
11) Loss of motor control.
12) Extreme sensitivity to cold.
13) Extreme sensitivity to “sharp” touch, i.e. fingernails.
14) Extreme sensitivity to unexpected touch.
15) Sensitivity to bedsheets.
16) Sensitivity to ceiling fan.

3. My doctor's treatment plan is the following:

6 lower lumbar sympathetic blocks (3 in my right, 3 in my left). I had my second block yesterday and it totally knocked out the pain for a whole day. Today the pain is back and at a 3-4 (better than usual). That leaves me pretty optimistic.

He wants me to take Cymbalta and Lyrica. He says it should provide immediate relief and help get my nervous system back to the proper state. I'm a little worried about side effects? Anyone here taking these? What has your experience been?

Pain psychology to help treat the underlying anxiety and depression accompanying this mess, as well as teach me pain coping skill and resolve any degree of pain which may be created by my (poor) emotional state.

What do you guys think of this treatment plan?

My experience was similar.

When I was first diagnosed, I went to a CRPS/RSD specialist at a teaching hospital and he recommended the same regimen of lumbar sympathetic blocks. At that point I was already making some steady progress on my own with self-directed physical rehab, major dietary/environmental changes, desensitivation techniques, meditation, and mirror therapy.
My original doctor and team would not write me a PT referral until I started the nerve blocks to “get the pain under control first.” The specialist at the teaching hospital said the same. I really wanted guided PT ASAP but it was not in the cards. So I had to go it on my own.

My choice was to not undergo the blocks since my instinct told me that my case of RSD resulted from the popliteal nerve block that was done as part of my ankle surgery that resulted in RSD in the first place. So… I may have had an extreme personal bias towards the general medical establishment at that point

As far as drug regimen goes – that is highly individual. Antidepressants were prescribed but I elected not to proceed with them. I went on gabapentin and narcotics. The narcotics relieved the pain at first but more and more became necessary to achieve any effect. Gabapentin didn’t do anything for me and insomnia was a side effect of both.

I felt the intuitive need to wean off of both and did so over the course of several weeks. Quitting narcotics was a very tough business

Second point: I view the physical “cause” of RSD (and many of our physical ailments, for that matter) as the excess production of free radicals from an original trauma site. Then they’re free to circulate throughout the bloodstream and wreak havoc on the rest of your body. The impact depends on the initial state of the immune system, which can be compromised without our knowing due to a wide variety of stress factors. I know thought I was in a great state of health prior to developing RSD, but looking back I know it was just the outside physical shell - inside was another matter.

Regardless – I believe that the best option for remission or cure is to eliminate those free radicals from the body so it can what it does naturally and start to actually heal itself.

There’s a former poster on here and some other sites named VICC that had it right from the start. I love that man.

My early treatment protocol medication-wise was based on the following study (and lots of other research):
http://www.rsds.org/pdfsall/treatmen...ee-radical.pdf
99.99% pure grade DMSO mixed 50-50 with vegetable glycerin on the site 3-5x daily for 90 days, and NAC 600 mg 3x daily for 60 days was the protocol I used. If I was later stage, I would be looking into hyperbaric oxygen therapy. And deep levels of meditation.

4. What do you guys think my chances are of beating this thing into remission and getting my life back? Will I ever truly feel 100% again? Do you guys know anyone who has beaten this bad boy?

Toe I Love your attitude and the answer is a resounding yes. All I wanted when I was first diagnosed was to find SOMEBODY that had beaten it. You gotta really look hard to find that.

This time last year, I couldn’t walk. I am now blessedly 100% RSD symptom free, and have been for 7 months. I don’t call it “remission;” I call it “being in good health.” I feel a major difference in the thoughts that result from those two descriptions. (I also feel that consciousness causes reality and not the other way around, so I've learned to be very aware about what I think - consciously, subconsciously, and unconsciously. But that's a whole 'nother ball o' wax.)

Back at it - I do have lingering nerve damage in the top of my foot, but it is just mild numbness and has been gradually going away over time. Them thangs have taken a looong time to regenerate.

5. Anything else you would suggest to me to help get over this / cope with this?

This ain’t your standard medical advice and I am certainly not a medical professional so take any input from me with a grain of salt. Shoot me an email at PaulEndrum42@gmail.com any time you want to talk or vent.

I also echo a LOT of what Bram says above. Plus she’s friggin’ articulate and caring and upbeat and really knows her stuff! She could turn out to be one of those people that beats the whole thing despite what she says, even a couple years in

And Renee. Renee is one of a kind and I’ve seen her reach out and comfort so many people in the short time I’ve been on here – her own pain be damned. One day her heart is going to encompass the entire world and heal it all at once. Fact.

Thanks Vision for those nice things you said about me and Bram. You are so sweet and you make me smile with your kindness and also your sense of humor. You are also very special just like everyone else here. You are caring and kind and funny and always try to see the positive out of everything. You also try to help others use our minds to help try to heal the emotional pain we are going through with rsd as well as try to help heal the physical pain that rsd brings to us every day. You mind exercises are very helpful in doing that and I wanted to than you for suggesting it. I hope you as well as everyone else is doing better today. I'm trying to stay calm and heal and be positive. It's not always easy, but with your mind exercises and the kindness from you and everyone else here, it makes it easier to deal with rsd's affect on our everyday lives. I am praying that today will be a better day for all of us. Thanks again for the kind words. And don't forget how special you are too. With love, Renee.

toepain2013,

Boy can I relate. My CRPS started in my big toe, a complication from multiple surgeries on it.

*I soak my foot in lukewarm water (at least) once a day. Adding epsom salts can be helpful too. That seems to help even though it sounds counter-intuitive to put a hot foot in warm water! No warmer than lukewarm though. Actual hydrotherapy is even better. I swim in a lake (when it's not frozen like it is now in Minnesota!).

*After the soak, I perform physical therapy (taught to me by my physical therapist and my podiatrist) at least once a day. Including some simple yoga. It is nothing that complicated, just general range of motion exercises and stretches for both the foot and all of my lower body. This allows me to "MOVE" the limb, which I think is the cornerstone to control. Not moving the limb is not a good thing!!

*My mainstay medication is Gabapentin (the generic of Neurontin) I had some undesirable side effects with the gabapentin but they went away over time except for some nausea on and off. Although it isn't real powerful, over the counter naproxen sodium (ALEVE) helps with my inflammation and pain and is inexpensive and generally tolerated pretty well although you should take it with food to avoid bothering your stomach. I take 440 mg naproxen twice a day. Cymbalta and Lyrica are both drugs that has helped some with CRPS and might be worth considering. Some generics of Cymbalta are now available at a significant price reduction. But personally I would take only one to start with and see if it helps. If you start with both of them and feel better, you won't know which one is helping you! Medications can be a very unique thing with CRPS. What works for one may or may not work for another. Some experimenting with types of meds and dosages is almost always on the menu.

*Blocks are a great thing if they help and you are seeing some relief so I would continue them. They unfortunately didn't help me.

*My mantra is "use but do not overuse"......too much too soon is not a good thing and can set you back. I would be very leery about running at this point. You can get all the exercise that foot and your body needs without a lot of weight-bearing exercise. I used to be a semi-pro water-skier so I can relate to how much you miss your activities. My main activities now are swimming (great for CRPS), stationary biking and short walks.

*I agree with NO ICE! Many (including me) take some extra vitamin C to help prevent spread. I take a 500 mg supplement daily

*I also practice meditation to help with chronic pain control. A good book about this is "The Mindfulness Solution to Pain Control" by Jackie Gardner-Nix. It's hard to describe in a paragraph but there are techniques that can actually change the way the brain processes and perceives pain. It has helped me, although it is a work in progress. But any complementary therapy is worth considering. Click on this link and scroll down to healing practices A-Z. Some of these techniques can be very, very helpful with CRPS!

http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/

As you can see, the folks here are great sources of information and compassion. It's a nice circle of friends who truly understand how you feel. Good luck to you, welcome to the forum and be sure to keep us updated!

Thank you all so much for your compassion and support, it really helps to talk to people about all of this. It's just been so much to take on.

Something I'm really struggling with is not worrying that my CRPS is an indicator of bigger health issue. On bad days (like today for instance), I find myself thinking that there's got to be something to explain what's going on -- some infectious or nefarious process that will translate into larger, systemic issues as I age.

I self-correct pretty quickly and remind myself that I've been tested for literally everything under the sun and that doctors are good at identifying the things you really need to worry about...but man, when I hurt, it's hard to believe that I am actually healthy. It also causes me to avoid any kind of dating (despite being single and quite lonely) as I feel "broken" and like no young woman should have to tolerate my limitations / health problems.

Anyway, that's just a dump of where my head is this evening. Again, thanks for listening, the good advice and the compassion. This place is a lifesaver.

Here's to all of us either getting to a pain-free or a manageable-pain state. Much love and warm wishes!

ToePain.....give yourself a major break here. You have as much and more to offer somebody else than so-called 'normal' people. Everyone has problems that they carry around with them day-to-day - its just that yours is something you know about and is a physical limitation. There are plenty of folk out there who look 'normal' but have all sorts of far more relationship-damaging issues, like an inability to commit to one person, a nasty temper, a childhood problem that they dwell on and can't get past, selfishness, a belief that women are only useful behind a kitchen sink , a cruel streak, and many many more... Each one of those is more of a problem to a relationship than your CRPS will ever be.

You seem like a decent guy. Have some belief in yourself and don't ever let your CRPS stop you from something like this. Do you know what women want most of all? A guy who is honest about themselves, who hides no dark secrets, who has an open heart and a sense of humour, isn't critical of us, and who will be faithful and true. All those cliched old-fashioned values lol We just want to be loved and valued. Same as you.

I'm not saying its not going to have an impact, but for the right woman, that impact will not be the brick wall you imagine. Obviously don't bombard a new date with all the CRPS stuff within the first ten minutes lol, but you can certainly mention it briefly and then see how things go before letting her have the full picture gradually over a few dates. If you talk about it so much that it seems like a major deal to you then yes, of course it will be a scary thing for someone new to hear, but if you talk honestly but show her that there's a lot more to you than your CRPS, she won't think of it is as such a major issue either.

Health issues come into relationships at one time or another anyway. Yes of course you might get other health problems over time, but so might anyone. Don't dwell too much on what might happen....now is precious and here to be enjoyed where and when we can.

Sorry to go on, it's just that I can't bear to hear you say those things!! Give yourself a chance here. Don't close that door.

Good luck. I know it's not easy, but life is out there and you deserve it as much as anyone else.

Bram.

Hi Bramble,

Thanks a lot for your encouragement. Something really clicked when I read what you said.

It's interesting -- I've struggled with relationships throughout my life. Ironically, having always been in fantastic health (I'm an athlete, err, was) I always pursued whomever I wanted to frequently ended up in pretty shallow relationships without true substance.

This could, in some sense, be a blessing -- as it'll help weed out the individuals who don't care about me in the manner that the should.

Here's to a reduced-pain Monday for all of us.