I keep beating myself up because I can no longer do simple tasks.

I am in the process of scheduling DBS.Life is just one big hassle,

DX 2005
Symptoms 1999

Its okay I do too. Often I stop part of the way through on regular everyday tasks because I cant take the pain. I understand the frustration and even rage at myself, my situation but I keep trying.

What I am saying is, yes it is true we can't lead normal lives but that doesn't mean we can't lead a good life.

It takes us longer to complete tasks and some things we can't do at all but we try and that is good.

what is DBS?

Deep brain stimulation

I can't believe that it's been 16 months & I'm still in mourning process.
I can't rmember all the stages of grief but i think I've been through most of
them & revisited them again from time to time.
In some ways I've come from the absolute anger (especially at surgeon) to
a kind of acceptance.
I'm commited to trying to find contentment with whatever good I can
still find in life. Still, I feel like somewhat of an empty shell that I need
to find a purpose for.
The hardest thing is when friends & family ask things like what did you do
today? & most days I don't have much eventful to account for. Some days simple tasks are painful & they seem to just not "get it".
I still have my work briefcase in my closet that I still cannot bring
myself to clean out. Some may think "it must be nice to "retire" early &
be disabled." No, not really, I just wasn't ready & certainly
NOT THIS WAY with this monster disease. Thanks for reading!

AZDi, you are speaking for every single one of us I suspect....if not on every day, then on too many days...

Bram x