Howdy yall,
Maybe it is my young age or the fact that my mind wants to do more than my body is able but tonight I am done crying for myself I am just pure ****** and mad. I worked like every young fresh from college girl should just to be injured by my job which I loved. I sit here tonight on the verge of losing it because I can't get medically cleared to go back. I have more medical bills pilling up every day that I can't pay. CRPS has taken my life from me and I feel so alone. I can't function like I used to there no more rides on motorcycles, no more hiking, can't grocery shop, can't volunteer, can't teach, these things are gone from me. I won't be dancing in the rain I wont be wearing high heels at my best friends wedding I am 26 and told I need a cane or walker and I am so isolated. This was not my life I worked so hard for this is not who I am and I am so mad. I know I can't be the only one out there that feels like this. The only young women who has given her life up because of pain, muscle spasms, falling, and exhaustion from every day tasks. I can't live with getting spinal injections once a week being on meds so I can't even keep my eyes open. This just leaves me mad.

Do any of you feel this way?
How do you tell others who don't understand?
Do you still dream of a cute pair of high heels that you won't ever be able to wear?

Hi Rialynn, I'm sorry you are suffering with rsd. You are so young too. I felt isolated and alone and shell shocked when I first got it. I was afraid to walk outside with my dog or even down the stairs for fear of falling and causing spread. I am still very careful trying not to fall but have learned to work through my fears with my psychiatrist and some good shoes with good traction on them was well as yak traks in the winter months. I still get nervous, but can't stay in the house and be afraid to move. So yes, I feel the same way you do. It's like the grieving process. You go through anger, bargaining, denial, depression and then acceptance. Well, at least something like that. My therapist told me about this. It takes time to accept that your life you planned to have has significantly changed and time to be able to cope with the medical bills that pile up. But you will see a light at the end of the tunnel in time and though it may show a different life then you planned at the other end of the tunnel, it will still be a good life and make you a stronger person for it. I go by the old motto One Day at a Time because RSD changes every day and there's research being done to find a cure so that's good. Having made friends on this forum have helped me to feel less isolated and alone and I've learned alot about myself and what others are going through and also about new procedures that help some people with rsd which gives me hope, like with Tessa. She's tried something that is helping her and has given me hope again. So try to take it a day at a time and know that you are not alone. I am always here if you need a friend as well as everyone else here. The people here are all awesome and a great support system.
As for the high heels, I used to love them, but now I wear flats only. But I wear Clarks shoes and I love them. They are very comfortable and stylish. They are my little secret addiction. I love love love Clarks shoes. Anyway, try to not stress though it's hard at times. Stress causes rsd to flare and you don't want that. I will pray that you will feel better soon both emotionally and physically. From your friend, Renee.

First off, let me say that I totally understand. In fact, this morning I woke up with an immense amount of anger. It isn't fair that some of us have to deal with this -- particularly those of us that are young and haven't yet realized our full potential.

I am also young like you. I'm 28, just about to turn 29. I've been struggling with CRPS for a 14 months now, and it's really taken it's toll. Just about everything in my life has changed, and it's all been really hard to accept. The hardest thing for me involved giving up soccer. I've always been an athlete -- one of the guys who could play back to back soccer games without subbing out. The guy everyone identified as the ultimate athlete. Now I can barely play any sports (though I swim like a champ -- everyone is amazed at how long I can swim) -- but I can't tell you how much I miss playing competative sports.

I've also really struggled with the fact that I'm single. How do I date when I can barely make it through the day? How to I muster the self confidence and think that I'm worth someone's affection when I feel broken, depressed and not worth anyone's time.

I will say, however, that negative energy (whether stress or depression) is something each of us have to work immensely to contain and manage. It's ok and totally normal to be sad, angry, overwhelmed, etc -- confronting the challenges that CRPS isn't easy for anyone. But we have to do our best to accept the challenges and overcome them -- ultimately it'll make us a stronger person.

Personally I've only begun to accept the way my life has changed, but something that keeps me going is acknowledging what a strong person I'll become as I overcome this. It sounds crazy, but this disease has already made me a better person. I'm never frustrated with little things anymore (like irritable coworkers, barking dogs or crying babies). I smile at everyone on the street in hopes that it'll brighten their day -- or help anyone that needs anything. CRPS has in this way been a blessing in disguise -- the things I took for granted I now value immensely, and I no longer fret the small things. It may have taken away my ability to wear Vans sneakers or play soccer -- but it's made me a stronger person mentally and a better person socially.

Just know that there's others like you out there and we're all in this together. We're going to win and live happy, healthy lives -- even if it involves a lot of challenges.

If you happen to be in Seattle I'd love to grab a cup of coffee or something and share our stories.

Stay strong and don't hesitate to reach out if you need support.

This month is my 14 year anniversary with RSD. It makes me sad because I lost the life I once had, but at the same time I have become a very strong person. I did find that stress is a pain causer, so now I dont sweat the small stuff, and actually learned that everything is a choice.

We make a choice to be mad, or happy or sad. I choose to be happy.....always. Some days it isnt easy, but I found if I keep at it, I will be happy.

Railynn, I totally miss all the things you mentioned. There is a mourning time after having the RSD come into our lives because we did lose our old life. The new one aint so great, but if you focus on all the things you cant do.....it makes it worse.

I wish that both of you never ever heard of RSD, and never ever felt the pain it brings. I hope and pray that you are the ones that beat the RSD and get your old life back. It has happened. In fact the sooner that they find you have RSD, and start treating it. The better the odds of beating it back into remission.

I keep everyone in this forum in my prayers......I wish there was more I could do.

Well said allen

I still have times when I get very sad or angry and mourn the things I've lost, but over time I've learnt that as Allen says, it just ain't worth it . Hard though it is, you do find other things to do to replace some of the lost stuff (not the same, but hey, better than nowt), things to occupy yourself, keep your mind active even if your body can't be, keep your spirits up even when you feel like crap. The human mind is amazing in its capacity to deal with crap and still keep us upright.

Just the other day, I found an old pair of my heels. Two years ago that would have reduced me to a hopeless damp rag of a girl, weeping for her lost youth. Now I shrug, think 'yeah that sucks', and move on.

All the self-discipline and positive thoughts in the world don't help on those black days when you kind of fall into a well of bad thoughts, and we all have those at times....but those days end. And tomorrow the sun comes up again I keep telling myself that lol.

We understand, and you're not alone with those thoughts. Just remember that those strong emotions can use as much energy as anything else. Don't let the cripsy stuff win - banish those blues with some uplifting, defiant sing-along music, a bar of chocolate or a glass of wine, and two fingers (or whatever hand gesture fits ) to the crips. Usually helps me. Not always lol, but usually .

Take care of yourself. You are still worth a lot, even with CRPS. You still have much to contribute and achieve, despite CRPS. Look at things from a different angle and sometimes there is something else there that you couldn't see before, just waiting to be conquered Go get 'em.

Bram

I'm ****** every day of my life. I wish I could strangle the man that caused mine. It was something that never should have happened. I have no social life because I can't leave my room. I live in my bedroom can't get much worse for me. I will never have a relationship, marriage kids. I was VERY active. That's done. I have RSD in my right leg but I get cramps, twitching, tingling in both of my arms/hands and my good leg. That started this last January. After 8 years all these new symptoms started. Now I'm really ****** off I'm really starting to feel sorry for myself. My trick is I try to stay as busy as I can while still laying on my bed.

I'm on a 4 day flare up so i'm a little angrier then normal.

Hang in there!!!

I am sorry you are going through this. I do understand. I will just give you a lot of hugs.
I do hope you can find some peace in this situation.