Hey guys,
I just needed to rant a bit. Right now I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. I'm in college and trying to manage this and it is just taking all of my strength and I'm often feeling behind in school. Im not going to take any time off, but I have had to cut back my hours because I'm so worn by my pain and the emotional stress it's causing. It makes me feel really bad to do this because I want to do work and learn but I just can't manage my pain and a full work load. Most of the time I can't get to sleep because I'm flaring up too much that anything sets it off. It's embarrassing to be in class and having to be flinching and moving about to try to escape the pain. I feel raw and run down. My mom and boyfriend are really worried and I don't know what to do to ease their worry because it is really scaring me how frequently I am having bad flare days. I just feel like I can't catch a break. Its so hard to constantly be fighting to stay positive when your insides are attacking you. How do you guys deal with it when it gets to this point? Any advice would be great, I'm just feeling so alone in this and like a burden to my friends and family. Thanks for reading and any advice.

Hi Sponnie,
I think ranting is a good way of letting off steam so never hold back.
As far as dealing with all the crap we go through it's a never ending battle.
There's not a one fits all solution. We just do the best we can.
I get flare ups too like we all do.
The key I believe is finding our individual triggers and try to avoid them.
Some triggers are harder to avoid than others.
Try not to feel so alone. You always got us.
One secret I find is realizing that folks not going through this monster quit can't grasp what we're going through. It's probably as frustrating to them as it is to us.
Are you under some sort of doctors care? I can't remember.
Please feel free to rant away. And stay in touch...

Hi Spoonie,

Sorry you are going through such a rough time. It certainly can be exhausting and makes it hard to focus. We all feel overwhelmed at times. I take it you dropped some classes to lighten your load? Never anything wrong with that, it will give more strength to your other efforts. Have you talked to the Office for Students with Disabilities? They may be able to help with extended project time, allowing pass/fail on some classes etc. Are there counseling services at your school? Having a therapist to take things to can be very helpful. I find that I feel better when I have "a plan". It gives me something to focus on and a reminder that there are still options that might help. For instance I'll remind myself that I haven't seen specialist X yet or we still haven't tried neurontin/lyrica/TCAs etc. or if I am waiting for results of any diagnostics or just waiting to get something ordered I can remind myself that there is help and information coming. Somehow I find this useful in quieting my overactive mind on an intellectual level and it makes me feel more in control. Do what you can and need to do to lessen your stress and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Relieving stress brings down hormones and neurotransmitters that can worsen pain. Wearing yourself out does not help you get better. It can be very hard to take a step back and care for yourself when you want to push too hard but you have to strike a balance of too much and too little activity. Keep fighting but remember to do it gently.
Sending more healing love, Littlepaw

Thanks for support Russell! Yeah there do seem to be a lot for people that just don't get it, and I get that. It is just hard. No, I'm not really under doctor's care at the moment, we kinda just started getting into doctors who take me and my pain seriously. Thanks for being there

Hey littlepaw,

Yes they do have a disabilities office here and I have some accommodations with them. We do have a counseling center but, they aren't the best. I went to them before for anxiety help and we didn't really mesh well. I may try another place for counseling because that does seem like a good idea. Sometimes it's hard not to push yourself you know? But I get what you're saying. That's why I dropped some classes, to try and get my pain under control as much as possible. Thanks for the support.

Spoonie,

Glad to hear you are tapped into some of your school resources. With counseling it is really important to have a therapist you feel is a good fit for you. I can't recommend highly enough working with someone with an interest/specialty in chronic pain, trauma, health issues. I worked with a wonderful therapist who really helped me feel less distressed and panicked. She had certifications in EMDR and hypnosis which were both helpful. I found her on the Psychology Today site, they have a great list and each therapist puts down their expertise. Also some pain practices have therapists on staff.

good luck! Littlepaw

Sorry to hear that you are going through all of this, I really hope things improve soon

Like you, I am also in college and know how hard it is to remain focused when in so much pain. I only started in September but have already missed quite a lot of time off due to flares, an operation etc.

I'm not sure how things work in the US and if you have any support in place, but here in the UK, students with a disability can get grants etc to help towards their studying. It helped me as I was able to get lift passes so I didn't have to use stairs, programmes to type for me on the computer etc. I am also allowed 20 percent additional time during exams, as and when required.

Are your lecturers supportive? For me, some are great, others not so much. It is difficult trying to get people to understand. I'd try speaking to your lecturers, opening up and telling them your concerns.

Also, pace yourself! Don't try doing everything all at once... and also don't leave things to the last minute (easier said than done I know!)! I find that if I pace my workload out, it is easier to manage then if I try and cram everything all together at once.

I'm glad you have a supportive mom and boyfriend, it sure helps a lot. If you need anyone to talk to that understands things, I am here.

Also, credit to you for not letting this nasty illness ruin your life and still continuing with studying!!!

Alison