Hi everyone,
I have been reading threads on here for a while. My husband was injured at work in April of 2013, days after we conceived our first (and only!) child. Since then he has had surgery to correct a severed ligament, which was really the beginning if his downfall. After that he was diagnosed with CRPS, possible that a doctor upon doing the surgery sliced his nerve. Anyway, to try and summarize the story, he is/was a chef who tripped on a floor tile that was upturned, was in a great deal of pain for seven months before he tapped out of working and was suddenly (big shock) given the opportunity for the surgery he supposedly needed. There were a number of complications after that and now, a year and a half later through all of the workers comp crap, he has been diagnosed by three doctors with CRPS with a variety of "solutions" and a lesser variety of approved treatments to work towards those solutions. About a year ago he was told that he would never go back to cooking again, which was obviously very difficult for him to accept because it is the one thing he has been passionate about as long as he has been passionate about having a career. Now, we are nearing the end of his case- about seven months until it has to be settled based on what our lawyer has told us and what I have researched. He has been on the same medication for more than a year and has, as expected, built a tolerance so that his pills are no longer lasting as long as they once were. As soon as his urine screen came back negative (he eventually got to the point that his norco 10/325's lasted until about four days before his pain management appointment) the insurance cut him off. He's been through withdrawals and is now living with constant pain, I'm not sure which is worse. His insurance has approved another pain management appointment but in the week that we've been calling pain management, they have not been able to get ahold of the insurance company to approve the appointment, so now we sit and wait.
The major point of this post is that my husband is in denial, wants to continue his passion (I can't blame him, we met opening a restaurant together and I can't imagine giving up my choice career) he likes to think that he will be cured and when the claim is over he will be able to go back to doing what he loves, he's short tempered because of his pain, he has been prescribed medications (lyrica, etc) that have caused suicidal thoughts, he couldn't hold our son when he was born but refuses to acknowledge that when the time comes, he may not be in the shape to coach sports, etc etc.
This is very long and I know I am rambling, but the point is, I do everything I can. I pick up slack where I can and I praise him for doing everything that he can- but he is no longer the man I married. I can accept that- I was no angel towards him when I was in labor with our son. But what can I do? What can I do do help him, and to help us?
Workers comp has denied his request for any form of counseling because it isn't a "body part" that is within the realm of his claim.
I love him, I am constantly amazed by everything he does given his pain level, but how do I approach him as far as our future?
I know this was a cluster**** of words and feelings, but that is pretty accurate as far as what I am thinking and feeling every day.
Thank you for any and all input, and again I apologize for the length and the fact that it may be nonsensical.

Okay, give yourself some slack...you were in labor....enough said. But yes, it does take a while to adjust to this monster that lives inside us....I remember when asked for help I felt like a little child, "no I do it..."; I hated having to say...hey can you please help me? Now, I know it's just life; when I can, I do, when I can't I don't push myself any more....I just don't do it or ask for help.
The future isn't over, it's just a new journey...a different page in the journal. With a little one, it's going to be hard on you both; but communication, understanding and a lot of laughter. Plus it's Okay to cry and be mad...in other words expressing of feelings...but don't let the later be the rule of your family unit...
He and you are both welcome her to learn and vent... to share and enjoy.

Welcome Littlewife,

What a crucible of joy and tragedy you have been living in these last two years. You must be worn out. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and love to do everything that you are doing right now. And it IS a loss and a stress for you too.

I think it is too early to know what the future will bring. It can be very challenging not to project too much onto to it but I think you have to take life in small units of time right now. Get through the referrals, get through the case, get through tomorrow. That is enough for the time being. Don't overwhelm yourself with the what if of the unknown if you can avoid it.

Don't give up on possible treatments. I felt awful emotionally on neurontin but better on nortriptyline which takes the edge off the nerve pain. I find topicals helpful on my surgical scars. Anything that dampens the pain some helps the whole system keep from getting so overstimulated. Vit D is helpful for chronic pain and nerve dysfunction. If you are concerned about a nerve having been cut then try to run that down. I had a nerve injury during a minor ortho procedure and had devastating pain that left me whimpering on the couch. Get a nerve conduction study done if you can and see if there are deficits. A plastic surgeon peripheral nerve specialist suspected a neuroma from my symptoms and I ended up having a 3.5 hour revision and nerve repair. It is not perfect, but I am not whimpering on the couch and I can function better than before. My CRPS came from another unrelated procedure.

Community agencies or churches with strong pastoral care departments may provide counseling options at low or no cost. Try to get what support you can, this goes for both of you. It is a heavy load to be the mother of a very young child, care for yourself and care for your husband. You must take care of yourself for your own good and for your family's. Your husband may be in denial for some time before he is able to move on. It is devastating to be doing what you love, feeling great and then suddenly have less than a third of the life you once had. There is anguish and rage and deep sadness. Check into community resources to see what's out there, you can call your area United Way and they can help. Perhaps having the info available could give him a nudge into getting support in this difficult time. It is not a failure to ask for help.

Remember that you are not alone, there are other spouses and caregivers here. Come when you need. Be kind to yourself.

Sending Healing Love,
Littlepaw

Littlewife, my wife has RSD now for 13 years. She injured her wrist in which RSD came about and spread. It took her 2 years to ask me for help, leaving me to wonder what was going on (she kept it all a secret from me). She worked with the disease for 4 years until she couldn't work any longer. As stated earlier, its a journey. Your husband will feel guilty as though he did something wrong or is worthless etc...Stress levels will increase causing more pain. Try to head these off, try to be as stress free as possible. I became her advocate-I went to every one of her doctor appointments. In our situation stress was killing my wife more than the RSD. Stress is very bad for those with nerve conditions, especially with RSD. Eventually things got much much better in our relationship, although her RSD is very well present. Our stress is way down, thus she's able to deal with her pain much better. Also, RSD changes overtime. I can only say from what I've observed is her pain was much more severe-acute in the first few years of her condition (took almost 4 years for diagnoses).

She also built a tolerance to narcotics, got tired of doctors eyeballing and pee testing her as though she was a drug seeker and told them to shove off. She takes vitamines, anti-infamatory drugs, moves around the house as much as she can and ends the day with two Gin and tonics.

Keep in mind WC is a nightmare to deal with for any situation across the board. Its like that with SSDI and some ignorant and lazy doctors. Keep in mind, your family feels like its trapped in a box and no way out. But, your family will get out of the box, things will calm down, but it will take sometime. Just be patient, and keep plugging away dealing with WC.

As far as your husband returning to work? Never say never, it could happen, maybe as a cook, maybe as a owner-manager. Time will tell. Lets pray he does with a big smile on his face!!