Even those trying to keep up with my soap-opera life may benefit from a brief rehash:

On Thanksgiving night, 2005, I had to go to an ER to have a severe infection treated; very painful and ended with the ER doc offering to prescribe five 5mg vicodin for the pain. I told him that I knew enough about pain to know that the cutting he did was going to need more than 25mg of hydrocodone.

He gave me the Arrogant Doctor Frown and told me that he knew more about pain than me, and "That's all you're going to get"

I replied that I was lucky enough to have a doc who didn't enjoy seeing his patient's suffer, then showed him my bottle of oxycodone. It would still hurt, but not as bad as he was willing to see me hurt. But that isn't the story.

At my last visit with my neuro (Aug, 2005), my weight had dropped to 156 pounds; enough to make me decide to eat more. It was 3 months later and there was a scale in the ER, so I asked a nurse to weigh me.

I thought it read 128 pounds, but everyone now agrees it had to have been 138, anyway, I freaked out. I had been making myself eat more for three months and lost 28 pounds (actually 18).

For the next year I fed myself like a Christmas turkey, and by Jan of this year, my weight had gone down to 126 pounds. I had already decided that I was probably going to lose this fight and that when I got too weak to live at home I would end my life; but I wasn't giving up yet.

I focused on forgiving my wife for some things in the past and on forgiving myself for being so stupid as to get myself disabled twice. I had been suffering emotionally, and mere words can't describe how much; anyway, I still don't understand exactly what forgiveness means, but the little I did learn helped me.

In April, I weighed 129 pounds. It was the first time I had gained weight since some time before August, 2005, when I discovered I was down to 156 (I weighed nearly 220 when I was hurt in June, 1995).

Well, yesterday I saw my neuro again, and I am really happy to announce that I now weigh 138 pounds.

I know that isn't a good weight for someone 6 feet tall, but it beats the Hell out of 126 pounds. I'm sure it will continue upward, and I'm grateful for that.

Anyway, the 300 mile r/t to see my doc always leaves me with extra pain for 3 or 4 days, and this is only day 2, so I don't feel much like typing. I did want to share my good news, however...Vic

That's fantastic, Vicc! WTG!! I know all about the subject, sad to say. I had finally got myself up to 105 lbs, but now I'm back down to 92, grrr. One thing I've noticed, tho... we don't get much sympathy from people when we are underweight... they think they'd rather have our problems than be overweight.

Have the dr.s ever tried you on Marinol? For me, an old hippie pothead chick, the recommended dosages don't cut it, but there are ways around that.... I use my whole days worth at once! I get to spend about 4 hours eating whatever I can get down, and being rather high at the same time, lol. Hey, we ALL deserve to be happy once in a while, don't we? That also keeps me in my seat, so I don't burn off the calories I consumed.

I hope the travel pains aren't too bad this trip, but maybe you'll need a few of these anyway.

That calls for a round of....................

Hi Vic! I just want you to know that I truly enjoyed your story! I couldn't wait until you got to the end! I was in awe reading this.. wow, you have been through a lot! That dumb doc. though should have given you a shot of demerol!! what an ars!! LOL Sorry you had to go through that! As for the weight gain.."yea" Love, Desi

way to go! it's nice to see something positive!!!! i will do a little dance for you!

shalom, my friend.
ang

Vic,
that is wonderful news. take each day at a time and keep eating. We are all here for you.
hugs
Mary

Great news!! Pray things continue to look up for you MarriageBuilders.com has some insightful messages on Can't we just forgive and forget plus may other meaningful subjects-not preachy. We all do things we wish we could do over , but if a lesson is learned and we grow and become a better person that could be a form of forgiveness to ourselves. Anyway, I already ate a bowl of ice cream to celebrate your weight gain, if you join all of us in a big bowl of ice cream every night the pounds may continue to creep up on you!! Take care Buddy Carose