I have to say...I am quite a wreck this morning. In an hour and a half I have an appointment to finally get the results of my shoulder MRI to find out where we go with treatment for this awful shoulder pain I have had since I fell off the top of that ladder back in October.

My biggest fear is not surgery...it is that there is nothing more to do than what I have been doing. The pain is not getting better...nothing helps much except rest but with a 15 months old in the house there's a limit to how much rest I can give my shoulder. My quality of life is awful right now...I can't go out because I can't use the walker that I need because of the RSD so I am basically trapped in the house except for doctor appointments (which are few and far between) and dropping off/picking up my daughter from daycare. Taking baths is one of the biggest things that helps my RSD...and I can't take them more than once every few days because the whole process is SO painful for my shoulder. I don't eat much because quite frankly getting food ready (even making a sandwich) is painful. I try rationing my activities to limit the amount of pain I end up in each day...but 90-100% of that activity is spent taking care of my daughter and not me. I'm not sleeping hardly at all...many many sleepless nights due to pain. The RSD is flaring and the shoulder pain is terrible.

I try so very hard to power through like I do with the RSD...and it's killing me. I really feel like I have hit my limit with how much I can handle...the only light at the end of the tunnel being this appointment and the hope that I will finally get a solid treatment plan and an idea of just how long this is supposed to last. If there is an end in sight...I can make it...but if it's still up in the air or ends up just being yet another thing I just have to accept in life then I just don't know what I will do. I find myself getting so angry all the time. I never act on the anger or lash out at the people I get angry at...I know it's just the pain...but I can recognize that it's there and I am just so frustrated by the whole situation.

Sigh...sorry to unload...I try to always stay positive and it has gotten me through a lot...but I feel like things are just slipping out of control and I'm struggling. Wish me luck that today I can get some answers.

Dear Catra,

You maintain such strength and beauty throughout your fight, you are an inspiration. I wish you were not going through so much and that your days were easier and you had pain less. I hope your appointment brings you answers and a firm plan for improvement. Let us know what you find out.

I am going to carry you around with me today and am sending hugs and healing thoughts,

Love to you Catra. I've read just about every one of your posts and you've got to be one of the strongest and toughest people I've ever come across. You've helped me a lot and given me hope when I had none - thank you.

Catra,

Forgive me if you read this suggestion from me before, I am such a mess these days I don't have much wherewithal to keep track of anything, but if you could get an infared heating pad it might help. I found getting in and out of the tub and then getting dressed added too much pain, strain and fear of injury, but I found the heating pad is easy to use and provided relief.The one my sister loaned me has jade discs.

I went through a stretch of using this pad multiple times during the day and night, not bathing for days, but using baby wipes and dry shampoo in a feeble attempt to keep up appearances. I'll watch for your update.

Sigh...what I was afraid of...the MRI didn't show anything so they did a cortisone shot (OMG...I am in AGONY)...and I follow up in 2.5 weeks with their "shoulder specialist" to see where we go from here. More waiting...no answers...and now worse pain (though hopefully that will subside and lead to some relief in my shoulder pain). I actually completely lost it and cried after he gave me the shot in my shoulder. It hurts so bad and I couldn't help it. I NEVER cry...even when the pain is a 10...the most I usually have are a few tears at the corners of my eyes...but this was an all out tears streaming down my face, nose running sort of cry. I'm sure a combination of the pain and the frustration of the entire situation. I know there's nothing to do but pick myself back up and keep going...but I'm just so drained...

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I will check out the infared heating pad BioBased...I don't remember seeing that suggestion before so I will look into it. I need something to help...I've been using a heated blanket which helps...but not quite the same as that encompassing warmth that I get from the baths.

Take care everyone...hopefully my next update is a more positive one.

Catra,

You are without a doubt, the strongest willed person I know of on here. I know you will get through this. It may take some time and pain along the way, but anyone who is able to have a baby girl while dealing with CRPS, that says a whole lot about the strength and will you have. Until they figure out what is going on with your shoulder and the pain and frustration subsides, I will hold you in my thoughts.

Warm healing hugs

Catra,

My husband had to return the pad today to my sister who needed it after she badly strained her shoulder shoveling. The pad isn't cheap, but it is effective. I think we need to buy our own.

The one below is a larger size, there is a smaller one. I think the smaller is fine if you have a small isolated target area, like your knee, neck, shoulder, etc. I needed the bigger one for my butt, hip area. The heat penetrates to the bone.

http://www.amazon.com/UTK-Features-I...sc+heating+pad

Hi Catra,

Mixed blessing on the MRI. At least there's nothing truly heinous on it.

I had wondered if they might give you a cortisone shot. My husband has had them twice in his shoulder (of course he doesn't have CRPS) for rotator cuff pain. They were helpful both times.

There is sometimes "steroid flare" where people react to crystalization of the steroid and it can feel rotten for a bit, 3 days maybe? I have had multiple of these in my surgical field and can attest to initial discomfort but it always followed with relief. Hopefully yours will kick in soon and calm things down.

I apologize to you for taking so very long to see your post and to replay to it. I'm struggling badly with my CRPS right now, which is really no excuse. You are carrying a much heavier load than I am right now. It just isn't fair that a quality person like yourself is carrying such a heavy load. It brings tears to my eyes. I am praying for you. I wish I could make your hardship just disappear.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words and thoughts. My mind is in a little bit better spot right now...not my pain because the shoulder was at a steady 8 most of the time unless at rest for long stretches of time...and since the shot this afternoon its at a CONSTANT 10 regardless of whether I am using the arm or not. Its 2am and I just can't seem to fall asleep no matter how tired I am and pain meds are not helping (or if they are heaven help me if they stop). But I am trying to be optimistic about the shot helping after a few days...it's so easy to get caught in the doom and gloom so I'm trying to drag myself out of it. The boyfriend is off tomorrow so hopefully he can manage baby duty all day so I can rest the arm. I hate putting so much on him...but there's just no way I can do much tomorrow if tonight is any judge.

Anyway...just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your kind words and support. I know so many have it worse than me...I guess it's just hard to have worked so hard to regain a sense of normalcy in your life and have all that fall to pieces because of a new setback. Plus...I was really looking forward to taking the baby to Disney this April and that's just not very likely at this point. I know...not a prioroty right now...but I've been collecting Disney gift cards as birthday and Christmas Gifts since my daughter was born to save up for this trip this year and really wanted to go during the flower and garden festival. But oh well...maybe by September I'll be better which is less crowded anyway. The shoulder will hopefully be better by then.

Hopefully this shoulder specialist will have an answer and a plan for me. I almost feel like I'm back on my initial RSD path again with the doctors...but this pain doesn't feel like RSD and that has me optimistic that there is a way to address this pain and recover from it. So...fingers crossed and keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming...it means so much to me to have you all here for support.