Yesterday I kind of lost it, and it all started Friday when the mail came.
Let me back up a few weeks back first...

A few weeks back, my husband and I finally had the chance to make the official change of address on our identifications and our insurance. Somewhere in that process, the state, county, insurance company, I don't really know who, realized that we do not make enough money to be able to afford our own health insurance, so my husband, and only my husband, was put on Medicaid without ever applying for it. Friday he received his notice and Saturday, his card.

We both believe in earning the things that we have, but in this past year plus, I have not been able to work due to recovering from surgery which led to CRPS going out of control, and so our savings is pretty much gone. Right now I am at the point that if the state decided that they wanted to step in and help us at a time that we really need it, I would. After all, that is why it is there and one of the reasons why a certain percentage has been taken out of our paychecks every week for our entire working lives.

Here is where I have a problem. Our insurance is in my husbands name. According to the person I spoke with yesterday, I would have to apply for my own policy, a policy separate from the one that I am on now. Until then, I will continue on the policy I am on. She was not sure how co-pays and such would carry over. She did not know if I would have to get new referrals, or if old ones would seamlessly carry on to the new policy. She could not tell me if there would be any more delays in the process of getting ready to go in for the SCS trial... Basically, she didn't have many answers for too many of my questions.

We are both fed up and frustrated. I am tired of not being able to do much of anything and being in constant unbearable pain every day. My husband is tired of seeing me in that much pain every day and having to take over doing the things that I can no longer do. We have been looking for a doctor that we can work with and very recently found one that has a treatment plan that we are agreeing on. We really do not want any further delays in a treatment that may lower the pain to bearable levels and get me back on my feet again, but it seems like we were given yet another obstacle in the way of that. An obstacle that I can not find any answers on getting around. I don't want to see an opportunity pass by that would help my husband out immensely, but neither of us want any more delays.

So, what do we do? Do we decline my husband's chance at Medicaid. Do we pass up on perhaps one of his only chances at getting a hearing aid, a chance at getting his teeth fixed which needed to be done years ago? Pass up on those opportunities because of our desperate desire to possibly lower my pain levels earlier instead of later?