[catra121]

Well...the day has almost arrived for my long awaited appointment with a pain management doctor. I see him tomorrow. It took over a month to get approval from work comp to even SCHEDULE this appointment and then the earliest appointment they had was 4 weeks out...but I'm finally at the end of my wait.

Is it crazy that I am super nervous about this appointment? My last two appointments didn't go well (ie...the doctors had absolutely nothing to offer me either in diagnosis or treatment). That is what I am scared about more than anything...a repeat of, "I have no idea and no plan to help."

I don't THINK that will be the case. I mean...I have waited this long for the appointment in part because this is a doctor at a teaching hospital who is one of the top guys in this area for RSD (from what I have heard). Not that I think my pain is RSD in THIS case...but the other doctors seem so afraid of the RSD diagnosis that I feel I need to see someone who is familiar enough with it to not be scared off making a different diagnosis and who also understands the complications that the RSD itself can cause in terms of treatment options and recovery. I feel like I made a good decision in choosing this as the doctor for me to see...but tomorrow I will find out if it really was worth the wait.

All that to say that I am just a little stressed because I have put so much faith and hope in this doctor who I have never met and in his ability to help me get past the struggles I've had since I fell off that ladder in October. I know from experience that putting that sort of faith into any individual or treatment is dangerous...because if it doesn't work out I will feel crushed and don't know what I will do...but honestly it is the only thing that has kept me going these past two months as I suffer without any answers or light at the end of this tunnel.

I'm sorry for being quiet lately...I visit every day (usually several times a day) but haven't felt up to too much posting because of all this fear and stress. It makes me a little sad to see how quiet the forum has been lately...but I have a feeling we are all going through some difficult times. This is still the only place I feel comfortable being completely honest about my fears and concerns as I go through this process of trying to get things under control.

I feel so bad about how my current situation is affecting those around me. My daughter is wonderful and she makes me so happy...but I can't do as much with her as I want to and it kills me to have to have helpers around or send her to daycare more than I want to because I can't take care of her. I know SHE doesn't know these things but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that.

My boyfriend...he is great but I feel bad for not being able to do more. He is SO tired...it's been a long almost 7 months since my fall off that ladder and these last few months I can really see how it is affecting him. He's frustrated by the situation. He doesn't want me to hurt myself more or cause me more pain...but he's tired of doing everything himself too and he wants help. Sometimes he vents...and it makes me feel bad...but I definitely understand the need to do it. After all...I have you guys to vent to and he really doesn't have anyone but me.

And there's also my tendency to get short with people. I am in pain, I am frustrated, I hate the way things are going these days...and sometimes I snap at people who in no way deserve it. Everyone is understanding...and in truth it rarely progresses to the point of thoughts leaving my head by way of my mouth...but it has happened a few times and that's not the person I want to be.

So yeah...sorry for the verbal diarrhea of thoughts and emotions...just trying to clear my head before this appointment tomorrow morning.

I hope everyone is in a better place than me at the moment. Wish me luck tomorrow...hopefully I get some forward movement in diagnosis and treatment. I don't expect miracles and answers to all the questions...just a doctor who is dedicated to helping me FIND those answers and get back to the life I had before I fell off that ladder and messed up my shoulder and neck.

Take care everyone.

[zinnia]

Catra,

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It is good to hear from you. I understand putting your hopes in a new doctor, as I have done that too, and have not had very good experiences. Mostly because they do not know about RSD. Nothing wrong with hoping for the best. It is always good to be open and optimistic. It is understandable to be nervous, you have waited so long. It sounds like this should be a good doctor to go to. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I wish you the best.
peace
zinnia

[Hopeless]

Good luck with your appt. tomorrow. Hope it goes well. Also hope you will let us know how it went. Sure hope you won't be disappointed.

Thanks for your post. Really enjoyed reading it.

[NurseKris]

I hope your appointment today went well! I know how hard it can be to see a new doctor.

I don't have any children so I can't imagine the difficulty involved in battling this while trying to raise your little girl. Even though physically you may have limitations but the love you have for her has no limits.

When we are in pain it can be so difficult not to snap at those around us. Sometimes I get so frustrated I take it out on my husband even though it really has nothing to do with it. I know I have told him on several occasions it's not really me talking but the pain.

I try to visit the site every day as well and I try to comment but there has been several days I just can't form a thought. Hopefully, I can start posting more as my pain goes down and the fog lifts from my brain.

Let us know how your appointment goes!

[catra121]

Just poppping in for a very quick update since I am so much pain after today's visit. It was like an exercise in torture...poked and prodded and grabbed and so many other things. All necessary for diagnosis I'm sure but darn...I am in some serious pain. Good news (I guess??) is that the dr has some ideas about what is causing the pain. He thinks I have peripheral neuropathy and wants to do some tests for that. He wants an mri of my spine and doesn't understand why no one has done this yet (me too) because he thinks something there might be pressing on a nerve, causing the pain in my neck, shoulder, and arm. He put me on lyrica, something to help me sleep, and meloxicam. I go back june 8th (soonest they could get me in) for a skin punch test and to follow up on test results and how meds are working, and also to see a psychologist (who he wanted me to see today but she said she was too busy). So that's short version...my bath is ready so hopefully will feel well enough to post more details later. Feeling optimistic at this point though...dr seemed to really listen and want to help me sort through this.

[zinnia]

Catra,

Thanks for the update. Sorry you are in so much pain. Hope you feel better soon. Sounds like a step in the right direction. I am glad you were encouraged by the doctor visit. It sure helps to find a doctor who will listen. It all sounds encouraging. Take care.
peace
zinnia

[Hopeless]

Many thanks for updating us when you were in pain. Hope you will soon feel better.