I'm feeling pretty down today, I'm afraid. It probably had a lot to do with the 4th of July holiday, when (as usual, with hosting a family gathering) I always overdo things, and have way too many responsibilities and way too little support, both physically and emotionally.

I have had CRPS for almost 5 years, which set off a firestorm of other autoimmune disorders, including arthritis and fibro, making my life incredibly challenging. My CRPS started in the ball of my left foot, making it too painful to put any kind of pressure on it, which meant I had to give up driving a stick-shift vehicle because I could no longer work the clutch. That was the first thing to get taken away, followed soon thereafter by tennis (my love) or any kind of sports. Even walking became so incredibly painful (even with nerve medications and pain medications with aggressive treatment from my docs) that going for walks with the family got axed. That was difficult too.

Then things have really spiraled downhill the past few months, when I have found myself doing more and more outings in a wheelchair because the CRPS has spread into the ball of my right foot. The wheelchair thing became tough because it didn't fit easily into my vehicle when I had all of my kids in the car too. So I was blessed to have found another vehicle 6 weeks ago, a larger SUV, in which we can fit my wheelchair AND my family for our outings. It has really stunk to face reality of family outings from a wheelchair. To make matters worse, two nights ago I was driving my daughter home in the new SUV and had a harsh awakening that I couldn't effectively push the brake with my newly spread CRPS in my right foot...that the SUV was large and heavy enough that it requires more force to stop it--which I can't do safely.

I had already talked to a local business that installs disabled person hand controls in cars, because I knew this was likely coming. But to have it all come at once, to know not only am I in the wheelchair, but now I have to step up my timetable and hurry to get hand controls has really hit hard.

I don't have much of a support system--I have a husband who doesn't "get it" and pretty much ignores my CRPS and arthritis and who expects me to carry on with business as usual, taking care of the kids and house and him as well as continue working my full-time medical transcription job (which, blessedly, I can do sitting at my computer at home). I have lots of friends, but only one friend who "gets it" (I'm blessed to have her in my life!) and she's incredibly busy with an intense trial of her own at the moment, so I am really struggling to come to terms with my "new normal." I have started seeing a counselor, which I feel like is going to help with helping me adjust, but my heart aches because of my lack of family support to lift me up in this trial and tell me I can do this.

It's discouraging, you know? I guess I just wanted to throw this out there and hope that there were others on this forum who struggle with things like this too, and maybe who can share how they made (make!) it through the reality of this "new normal." I'd love to hear your story so hopefully I can realize I'm not alone in this fight.

~Ali