[InHisHands]

OK, working on this article for a brochure *supposing* I could go to Arkansas. Do you think it should be shortened? How does it sound? How will people take it? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!

Here it is:

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From an active teenager grooming several dogs a week in addition to writing, running, training her own dog, playing cello, tenor recorder & piano and doing many other activities... Vanessa's life is turned upside down, when a rare, chronic severe pain syndrome developed, called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), also known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. At age 17, she is nearly unable to walk, frequently bed bound as well as in severe chronic pain. But things may make a huge turn around with a newly developed treatment called Ketamine. Ketamine is an anesthetic, which has been being researched the past few years by neurologists and pain specialists who deal with RSD. It can actually improve the pain by 80% (in the norm) but has given 100% relief as well!

So what is Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy(RSD)? RSD is a syndrome that develops after an injury. This injury can occur to any part of the body, including legs, arms, head, face, back, etc.... The body's normal response to any injury is for the nerves to signal pain. This response does a number of things. First a reflex occurs in the spinal cord, which signals if a leg or an arm is injured the limb is withdrawn from whatever is causing the injury such as a hot stove. Secondly, the blood vessels get very tight or constrict. This is a protective response. If the blood vessel is cut we do not want to bleed excessively, therefore, the nerves make the blood vessel go into spasm, reducing blood loss. The third phase is the emotional or cognitive response. This is where we become aware of what is causing the problem and take appropriate action to correct the situation. In patients with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, the body never gets quite back to normal. The nerves stay hyperactive causing increased pain and blood vessel spasm called vasoconstriction. The tightening of the blood vessels causes swelling of the affected area, discoloration, and abnormal temperature changes and increased pain. The pain from the reduced blood flow keeps the nerves excited, which then keeps the blood vessels tight.

From increased pain the patients are unable to sleep and it becomes a vicious cycle in which the pain wins and wins and wins. No sleep will make a person have less tolerance for pain. This quickly can lead to depression and a person who is unable to do anything but lie in bed and cry. Another symptom of reflex sympathetic dystrophy is allodynia (pain resulting from a stimulus that normally does not cause pain, such as the touch of clothing, the breeze or water from the shower)/ hyperalgesia (heightened sensitivity to a painful sensation)~ so it is in summary "the worst pain you can imagine". Pain from things that are normally not painful! On the McGill's pain scale, RSD is rated as *the worst form of chronic pain in the world today*.

There are telltale signs and symptoms of RSD- pain that is described as deep, crushing, aching, cold, burning, stabbing, etc; the presence of an initiating noxious event (sprain, fracture, etc), continuing chronic pain (moderate to severe), abnormal swelling, abnormal hair/ nail growth, abnormal skin color changes, abnormal skin temperature, abnormal sweating, limited range of movement, weakness, or other motor disorders, RSD is excluded by the existence of conditions that would otherwise account for the degree of pain and dysfunction.

At present Vanessa has tried numerous medicines and went to many doctors- from pain specialists to rheumatologists to neurologists. She also participated in an intense physical therapy program. She has tried majority of medicines out there, and only has approximately 15% relief at best.

The only thing that Vanessa views can "give her her life back, and is her only chance" is this treatment done by a doctor in Arkansas. This will require a week stay in a hospital, closely monitored by doctors and nurses while Ketamine drips into her body. It will require several flights there and back, staying in AR, when Vanessa lives in New Jersey! The only way it could work is by a fund raiser to raise money to give Vanessa the chance to go back to a normal lifestyle.

She now has full body RSD from a thumb injury-- the worst RSD can get to be! From RSD in her arm to full body threw Vanessa back greatly. She now can participate minimally in writing, photography, crafts and sculpting with clay- her greatest love.

Can you please help?! A donation through buying one of Vanessa's clay critters or another one of our items would be a huge blessing! Donations are so helpful, we appreciate everyone who will help Vanessa's dream of near recovery come true!
Thank you, and may God bless you!

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[JOAN_M]

Vanessa, Whata Wonderfully Written Article. I Would Not Leave Out One Word. You Are A Brave And Highly Intelligent Young Lady And I Can Only Wish You The Best With The Funding And The Treatment. Fondly, Joan

[betsyherm]

Hey Monster,

Send it to me by email and I'll clean it up and edit it for grammar and such. You know it's my specialty! The content is great, but there are a few issues with structure. I have lots of time while I'm on duty in the student union today.

-Betsy

[Jomar]

Add at the bottom that you are hoping to raise enough money for the Ketamine treatments.

I would start it off with your name - maybe something like this??

Vanessa had a normal life of a active teenager, until it was turned upside down when a rare chronic condition developed.
It is called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), also known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. At age 17, now she is nearly unable to walk, frequently bed bound and in severe chronic pain.

But things may make a huge turn around with a treatment called Ketamine. Ketamine is an anesthetic, which has been being researched the past few years by neurologists and pain specialists who deal with RSD. It can actually reduce the pain by 80% (in the norm) but has given 100% relief as well!
and on from there

------------------------------------------

I'm thinking for a brochure - you just need a few short but clear paragraphs that will catch their attention.

you don't want to overwhelm them with too much info -
hit the main points about RSD,
how the money raised will be used for treatment costs
and the most important - how the severe RSD pain affects your life.

you might be able to find a brochure template online somewhere to see how much room is available and test the spacing and arrangement.

I was able to find a tri-fold template and import it into Word to make a anniversary card - but it was 2 yrs ago, so I don't even remember where I found it and I have since lost it to a hard drive crash.
I'll look around today if I have time and see if I can find something like it.

[Jomar]

here's some templates from MS for Word-
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/te...043031033.aspx
http://desktoppub.about.com/od/templ..._Templates.htm

[allentgamer]

Nice work!

I too think it is a bit long. When I used to make investor videos for movie makers, all the info was given in 12 minutes. That included a synopsis of the movie, bios of the actors, and a bio of the director along with why they should invest etc. The reason was most people lose attention in things that are too long, and we found after some experimenting that 12 minutes is the magic number. After 12 minutes they start checking their watches, thinking about lunch, or how to ditch out lol.

So doing what Jo said is good advice.

If you want to add more info on RSD, make it a tri-fold and put more details on the last page. You might even be able to put a small pain index photo. This way the ones in a hurry get the main information you want to convey, and if they want to learn more they can read on, or read it later.

Just my take on this, take what you like and edit out the rest LOL.

Big Hugs!

[Auberon]

Hi Vanessa,
the advice here is great.
I'd like to add one quick piece of (I think it's advice?)...KISS.
Keep It Simple Stupid.

I reckon this should say, in most cases, keep it simple for the stupid but KISFTS doesn't really work.

This is far easier said than done.

Best of luck, mate.

Auberon

[bassman]

Vanessa,

If you are using Microsoft Word, there is a neat tool many people don't know about. Look in "Tools - Options" and click the tab "Spelling & Grammer." In addition to spelling, you can have the program check for grammer and "readability." This will give you the grade-level of your writing style. This indicates how much education the average reader needs to comprehend the document. (If you use a lot of complex words, it assigns a higher grade.)

Most American newspapers are written on a fourth or fifth grade level, to reach a wide audience. Things like Newsweek magazine and the New York Times are on a higher level. USA Today is generally on a lower level. You may want to try this tool, just to see where your article ranks.

Personally, I loved the content. Good luck.

Mike

[Barb2406]

Vanessa,

You got some great suggestions. I will give you one I think is real important. You have to pull at peoples hearts to get them to give. Look at Jerry Lewis, he brings mostly kids on so people will feel sorry for them and give.

At the end I would put something like, Imagine if this was your 17 year old daughter, wouldn't you want others to give so she can get back to a normal life, please help Vanessa. Thank you in advance for your donation.

Hope this helps, God bless!