Actually, I'm not worried about working on the meds. I would not be able to return ethically on these medications if my thoughts are clouded or if it is a narcotic. My real issue is that my PM will approach any one of many neurologists and neursurgeons to discuss my case. I do not want him discussing this with anyone but someone that I trust socially. It sounds stupid, but when I return to work, I refuse to have all of the docs knowing all of my personal business and talking amongst themselves about me. Also, if a lot of people were to find out about this, I'm afraid that anytime narcotic counts are off or there is an issue, I would be the person everyone would blame because of my history of taking these medications. Despite HIPPA, I know that illness among "our own" is sort of open season, as wrong as that is. I mean, it would be OK to talk to the attendings, but the residents are out of control as far as gossiping and really, what can they add to the conversation about how to treat me? My job is essentially not to allow them to kill the patients! I'm just worried that I will lose credibility if they now my business. Again, no pain contract, no pain medications. I mean, really, if a doc had rectal surgery and needed pain meds, would he sign that? There would be pics of his *** in the break room. Maybe I worry too much, but I do worry.