I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am having a problem dealing with my anger related to my RSD. I'm angry because the doctors have all but said that my case was caused by poor anesthesia for an elective knee surgery. I am the primary breadwinner and now I cannot work and the future is up in the air. I'm pushing to try anything to get better and may be not going through the normal course of things. I just have all of this pent-up anger that I don't know what to do with.
How do you deal with the unending anger? I can't go to a therapist-we are in such financial trouble that even copays are a problem. My husband is supportive, but there's nothing for him to do but keep on helping me as much as he can.
I am on antidepressants, but have been on them as a baseline. Tried Cymbalta, but had too many side effects. Currently on Lyrica and pain meds. Cannot do tricyclics due to the SSRI antidepressants that I am already on. I just feel like I'm going to burst or vomit sometimes and I can feel my leg just crawling. I have to do better than this, but need anger advice.
Thanks,
Lori Lee

**WARNING: May be long***

You sound so much like me! Not saying that's a bad thing.....LOL. I dealt with a boatload of anger within the first year or so. Angry as heck at the "people" in charge at my job who refused to spend a lousy $100 to fix that broken handle. Angry at my replacement cook that morning who didn't show up causing me to have to stay there past 6am when I was supposed to be going home so hubby could get there and cook for the day. (the more I thought about that one,I thought maybe if it hadn't been that morning it would've been the next night or another one). I still resent Jose for not showing up.

I was extremely angry at the idiot docs for treating me like a piece of garbage. Diagnosing me, then taking it back or minimizing what I was going through. Withholding meds. I was beyond angry at work comp for making them do that to me and having some no nothing desk jockey sitting in an office passing judgement on me because they didn't like the letters RSD.

In short.....for the rest of things in life I was angry.......at the pain I was forced to endure with no help, the uselesness of my stupid leg and within a few months the rest of me too. Not being able to do what I used to do. Having found THE job I loved and having it yanked from underneath me. The ignorance of other people and despite knowing me having them talk about me behind my back saying I was lazy and faking it. Oh yeah....I never called off work unless I was half dead!! In the almost 3 years I put in I had called off a total of 2 times. Pffftttt. I said..whatever!!! I've never been lazy a day in my life!

So....now I'm done with my life story. LOL Anger, even so much IS normal!!! Some of us may have more than another but we all have gone through it. Angry at ourselves, our bodies that have betrayed us. How useless we feel at times. I've had anger "issues" my whole life but despite all of my life being one big living he** I survived!!!!!! What does help...how did I "get past" or "get over" it?? Writing.....or typing it out. I've always been a writer so it was natural for me to turn to the one thing I knew best. Sometimes I open notepad on the computer and type it all out, save it, go back and read it later then happily delete the whole thing! A lot of it, all the words, my heart and soul, are sitting on pages in my huge journal book that I began in 2004. I have beat up and almost killed many, many innocent pillows and cushions. The poor things didn't stand a chance against me...what with no arms to fight back with and all. BUT...it did make me feel a lot better. Arms affected you say? Well then throw those suckers on the floor and stomp on them!! LOLOLOL I found this a much better way to vent it out than punching very hard,solid objects which would make my hands hurt for days and leave my poor knuckles bruised beyond repair. Get some play dough or air dry clay and take it out on it! (also great therapy for hands and arms too. Gentle and easy when you're not beating it up) I find other things to do....read,paint by number,dive into doing my family tree. I surround myself with the ability to get it out one way or the other. Venting here is a good thing too. Who better understands? Next month will be my 6 years and somewhere in the past 4-5 years I've lost that anger, the searing heat of it anyway. I'm still angry at times, especially when my pain is up and I feel like a baby, frustration boils over when we struggle to get the bills paid and there's nothing I can do because I can't work.

There's no easy answer but trying to channel it elsewhere...put it out for yourself so you can examine exactly what you're angry at helps. Being proactive....researching, understanding every single thing, going after the treatments you deserve or want to try. You do these things already and that's a good thing. If you like music, put it on! Listen to what suits your mood. Pamper yourself once in awhile and once a month have a full blown pity party! I do and boy has that helped me.

Sorry this is so long, but I hope somewhere in my words you and others take comfort in the fact you're NOT alone and maybe find something, some tool, to help you get over the hump you find yourself straddling right now. It's possible but everything takes time. You have a right to be angry and upset and don't let yourself or anyone else tell you different!!!

BIG BIG Gushy Hugs,

Karen

Lori Lee,

Gee hon, sounds like me. I really have to agree about the anger part of this monster. The drs, than treat us like we don't really exist, the employers that don't really need us any more, family that don't really understand, the constant pain, (need I go one?). I have my animals. they tend to keep my grounded. they love me no matter what. my dogs stay in bed with me on my bad days, snuggling close to keep me warm, and kissing me to let me know that they are there for me. my horses, well, the smell is so wonderful. I bury my nose in their necks and just breath deep. and the low nicker they give me when the first see me is worth getting out of bed for. And the biggest thing that has happened to change the way I feel has been my last bout of bad luck. I was going to get my scs battery moved from my butt to my side. a week before surgery my doc discovered that the leads had moved from my spine so he decided to replace everything. long story short, he did, removed staples (about 80), week later got sick, turned out to be merser, had complete unit removed, ended up in nursing home (became sucicadal), got home, slowly got better with home health care, found new PM, he asked what I expected him to do, (duh), and he said unless I wanted another scs, that the best he could do would prescribe pain meds for me for the next
********20********** YEARS. WOW>.......I was hoping for at least 30 or more years. that scared me to death. I really thought I should have more time to live than that. I've also gone on Topamax which seems to really have helped along with percocet. I'm thinking of going back to dog training part time. just a couple of hrs on the weekend. If (as) I'm really getting to that point in my life, I'm going to live it(even if it kills me lol). I don't know where you are one the life scale, but you did ask for seniors. Hope this helps

Hugs
Mary

Dear Mary, Karen and Lori,

I am so on the same page as you guys, I want to choke about 5 people right now. My WC lawyer, who pretty much ignores me, the nurse in the PM dr. 's office who is just plain MEAN, the lady at Dunkin Donuts who made my coffee wrong this morning (I hate sugar in my coffee), etc. etc.

It's rainy and cold in southern NE this morning, my neck and shoulder hurt like a ***** and my fingertips are numb. In additon, I just got that RSD face and neck rash that burns! I still work FT, which is not easy but otally necessary in my case. I am pigeon holed at my desk this morning and hope and pray that no one bothers me today about anything, I might just snap their head off.

I LOVE my little doggy, he is a doxsie/King Charles Spaniel mix. My husband and children are great(most of the time), but my dog is the absolute BEST. There is something about animal love that is just so therapeutic. Too bad I can't bring him to work with me.

Sandy

I got two cats myself and wow.....I wouldn't do as well if I didn't have them! Pets really are the best medicine next to laughter. I have a girl cat Shanni, and a boy Connor...I call them my fur babies. They jump up here and sleep on me every night. They know when I need them even if I don't.

I wish I had horses....I love that smell too!

Hugs,

Karen