I was out walking my dog one day last year, just days after learning he had a large mass in his side and realising that his body was finally showing signs of age i'd been rather teary wondering how many more of our hikes we'd share together. on our way home he picked up a scent and i allowed him to wander into the underbrush knowing he wouldnt catch anything and feeling pleased he was even showing interest in following it. i could hear him, knew he wasnt gonna go far and i just stood quietly keeping track of his noise.

eventully i called him back, could hear water splashing and knew he was heading in my direction but he didnt seem to be getting closer. then he made a noise that had me instantly ducking my head and going as fast as i could thro the thorny brush, something was wrong, i'd never heard such a pain filled sound from him.

i found him at the bottom a 12 foot ravine, sitting in the water, his hind end did not look ok and i could c he was in shock, i assumed he'd broken his hips trying to climb out. ok, so here's were the magic starts: first, i could sorta see a shadow self running and crying in panic, saying oh no oh no; at the same time i was hit by the realisation that in 12 years together we've never been faced with such an apparent crisis; which was quickly followed by the absolute knowing that this was no accident, this was gonna be a lesson and oh sheep dip we were gonna have to learn fast.

i couldn't leave him to go find help, not many folks where we were and no way i was gonna walk away from the one being that had stood by me thro so much. only option was to go down, and as i did so i discovered the ravine sides were slick like vasiline, sheer, with not a dang thing to hold onto, no rocks or outcroppings, yikes. once in the water with him i could c he could not use his hind quarters, they did not look normal.

i walked a bit to c if there was a way up that wasnt sheer, nope. that shadow self soo wanted to say not only could i not get myself back out but no way could i lift 80 lbs of hurt wet mud covered dog. and certainly not with only one functional arm! so i breathed, again and again and i went inside and began to say, 'we can do this, this is not an accident'!

i asked him to cooperate, he has never been lifted. i asked for all the blessings of all the awakened spirits, and i lifted him. then i began to climb, knowing with every movement that there was nothing to help get us up this unclimbable wall. two times i looked over my shoulder to c what my feet were doin and both times i slipped backward, i didnt look back again. he did not move a muscle and we were at the top.

then thro the thick underbrush, under a barb wired fence, up a hill for 1/4 mile i carried him. i threw my jacket into the middle of the dirt road a few yards from were i stopped to put him down in the shade and waited for some vehicle to come along. eventually a fellow did and helped me get him home.

i foned his health care providers, they came and we began a process of rehab, he had torn the heck outa his hips and there was the thought that he mite not hike with me ever again. in time he has recovered and we continue to share our daily hikes, tho now his body is making clear statements that our days together are coming to a close.

so heres the thing about this that feeds my knowing that this body can repair itself: in the moment, when the need was true and great, an arm that cannot lift a mug at times, that no longer waves or reaches into a cupboard, that hurts when hugged, this arm lifted 80 lbs of LOVE. for that time period it remembered what it once was, how it once functioned.

this was not an adrenal rush, the entire event was peaceful, i was calm, focused and purposeful (shadow self was ignored, all panicy and helpless).

pretty freaking neato ey?! i am so crazy blessed, yes, even this apparently horrid event held gifts of insight, not an accident at all, just a lesson.

and so i bid u all a good nite, may ur sleep bring healing, kath