Attachment 543

shhh..now don't tell moose i snitched this hug from her to give to you.

on day at a time. keep reaching out. we are here for you.

It's good to see you back online and talking with us all.

I may have a power outage due to a big wind storm coming tonite-
it's gone out 2x already today - and no wind yet!

But I wanted to say that I'll be thinking and praying for you to find strength and help to get through this.
For the short term and the long term.

I am sooo relieved! ((((((((Abasaki))))))))

The things you say in your post are so amazingly like me that I could have wrote them. Ever since the doctor said "oops!" when he discovered he had blocked the bloodflow in my right leg my life has spiraled out of control. I lost my ranch, my cars, my great job, and there was nothing I could do about it.

When you talked about the vibrations, WOW! That is just like me! I even cry through mri's because the pain is so intense from all the vibrating, and forget about riding in vehicles for any length of time cause I will be down for a few days if I ride too long. The doctors tell me mri's dont hurt.... Hah! They are soooo wrong LOL.

Everything was replaced with PAIN that never quits. It is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going. On my last doctor visit a couple of weeks ago, this new doctor im seeing after my last doctor dropped me after 6 years, told me I must get out of my room to beat the deppression, and they are not going to give me the pain meds that have been working for me anymore. It has been hell so far, but im gonna look for a new doctor until I find one that will give me what I need to be more comfortable.

Now my body is having withdrawls on top of the usual pain.

I dont think they really understand how hard it is to act normal, or pretend to have fun, smile through the intense pain that never ever stops.

But you cant let it beat you, you must fight the rsd monster and know that the intense pain will give way to a lower pain sooner or later. Sure there are very rough days sprinkled through the just rough days, but just keep bugging the doc, and looking for a mixture of meds that will give you more easier days than the very rough ones. You will find something if you dont give up.

I know it wont cure this nightmare, but it will make it easier to fight. It took me almost 5 years before I found the mixture that keeps my pain mostly at 5 - 6 instead of 9 - 10. I still have flares, in fact this stuff has spread on me a few months ago and I have been in a flare ever since. But it just makes me that more angry at it, and I will push to get it under control. We cant let it beat us!

If you cant afford phone calls just send me a email or pm me, and we can at least instant message, or join the chat room. That way we can help each other through the rough spots.

I was wondering if you have tried amitriptlyne (sp?) it doesnt work for me, but my old and best doc told me that it works for nerve pain. It did help me sleep though, I just didnt like the drugged feeling it gave me.

Anyway im soooo glad you are still with us

I love ya much and am praying the pain lets off a bit so you can get some rest, and feel a little better.

Big hugs
Allen

I just saw this now & I want to thank you for coming here before doing anything else. You have received so much love & so many great ideas. BUT what you don't know is what you have done for me. I have a daughter who is as depressed also. What you wrote I swear could have been written almost word for word by her. Alot of it I have heard her say, I was listening, but not understanding. Now I understand & I am going to help her get the help she so desperately needs.

She is on an anti-depressant but I don't think it is helping her at all. She needs to see someone other than her regular doctor I see that now. And she really needs help, I see that most especially now. So whether it was your intention or not, you have not only saved yourself, you have saved my daughter. THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart. AND I am so glad to see you made it thru last night. NOW you need to make it thru tonight also. SO keep coming back here if it is to only check in with us with a few words.

Again THANK YOU so much for helping my daughter. For helping me see how desperate she is. I have been so wrapped up in my own misery I couldn't see hers. She lives with us also. She isn't disabled physically, she does go to work most every day. But I can see what a 'drag' it is on her. How hard it is for her to get up & go. She knows we also depend on her to help pay some of the bills. I wish she didn't have to help us, but it is so expensive to live in California we have to have her pay us some rent. Not as much as she would pay living by herself mind you by along shot. But I also don't believe in letting any of my 2 children live off of me when they are adults. That doesn't teach them anything to do that.

Like I said THANK YOU so much.
**HUGS**
Now you hang in there also ok???? You are worth so much more than you imagine. See what you did?? By sharing, reaching out to us, you helped yourself & you helped my daughter, you have helped me to help her. BTW her name is Erin.

DebbyV

Dear Abasaki,

Please check your private messages, something I constantly forget to look for.

Also, don't stop talking about this -- talk as much as you need. I have felt that I was hogging space and people's time, to the detriment of other members who might also need to talk about stuff in their lives, when I spent so much time writing about me over a ten day period, but it helped me through my crisis.

You are talking about the 2nd most important decision you can make in your life and you don't want to die but you don't want to live like this anymore. If someone here can help you defer your decision for a while, who knows(?), you might start having less pain (tolerable pain); some alternative may suddenly appear.

I won't talk about what suicide does to family and friends, I think most of us who have seriously considered suicide dealt with that in our own minds before reaching this point.

I will say that even though it may sound silly to repeat it, death is permanent. You know that, it is why you reached out to us, you need some kind of hope to help you keep going. Hang on as long as you can, clinging to the belief that the next post may provide that hope; but only if you haven't decided an hour or a day before you get the chance to see it...Vic

((((((Abasaki)))))),

That's a good FIRST STEP. Now, take a another one :icon_wink:

We're here to help you with all of the 'steps forward':


BIG HUGS.

Barb

Hello Abasaki

I just wanted to say Hello to you today and offer another gentle ((((((((((hug))))))))))

I'm here if you want or need to talk.

Take care of you,
Liz

I am a friend of Abbies...
I found this link on her computer...and just read her posts
I wanted to let you know that she's with us but isn't really talking.

I will let her know what you have all said in your posts.

Thank you,

thank you k. please let her know that she is in our thoughts and prayers.

Yes, many thanks k., please do that and give her a very big but very gentle hug,
all the best.