All we can do is offer suggestions and support - we don't know all the circumstances that someone has - like ins, phone, home support etc.

Many times I've seen words taken the wrong way, when they weren't meant that way at all.

Lisa has apologized for any misunderstandings so lets move on from here.

Apology accepted...


I forgot that when reading typed word it's my voice I hear and not the person typing.



Abbie

Dear Lisa,

Please don't let this be anything more than what it is: a misundersanding over a few words. I have had my fair share of those over my years with two forums. Don't let fear of being misunderstood get in the way of the contributions you can make here (and probably elsewhere).

Many of you know the entire history of my PROBLEM, all of you know what I've said since I started posting again a month ago, and some of you me be able to link the kind of despair I felt with what Abbie is going through now. Different causes, same consequence: why should I want to continue living?

Abbie, some replies I got were heard in my voice, not that of the sender, I know what you mean; I'm glad that that you know it too.

15 years ago,I might have given the same advice Lisa offerered in her post; unfortunately, my experience as a social worker and then a psychiatric social worker gave me an insight into the real world that only those involved in mental health as professionals or patients (relatives or close friends) might find.

I did not become a social worker to work in mental health. I went to work at a psych hospital because my job title and description were changed in a welfare to work program; I could no longer help the more difficult to help clients find a way to achieve the self-respect I believe only comes from work. The program was gutted, I wanted no part of what replaced it, and the only social work job open at that time was at the "nuthouse".

People who walk into emergency rooms and talk about thoughts of suicide are quickly divided into two categories: Those with insurance and everyone else. From what I have learned from mental health professionals who work in acute care psychiatric hospitals (treating insured patients), the only real difference between the two groups of "suicide" patients was the pvt hospitals had better food and better beds.

I don't recall hearing of anyone presenting to an ER because pain was so severe that suicide was an option, but I believe that if Abbie had insurance, nothing like you imagine, Lisa, would happen.

If the staff didn't choose to treat Abbie in the same way they to others who present with "suicidal ideation"; if they recognized her need for medical attention, the best they could do would not help. When you are in terrible pain and react to every pain medication, medicine can't help. You must find something to help you cling to life, or you may finally decide you can't live in this pain anymore.

Most of us have known other RSD people who made that final decision.

If you don't have insurance, the hospital gets a doc to sign that you are a danger to yourself or others, a deputy is called, and you are taken -- in handcuffs -- to a state psych hospital, where you will encounter dedicated staff and "burnouts", will not get medical treatment, and may be held until you tell the shrink that you aren't thinking of killing yourself anymore.

I'm not going to go back and review what I think of as my PROBLEM thread to see who said it, but someone wrote to me asking what I would do if I had a patient in my situation.

My reply was that if I genuinely believed that someone had a real reason for contemplating suicide, I hoped I would respect their right to decide for themself. That isn't quite true.

I would talk with that person and try to explore every possible alternative option. Suicide closes every option, including the one that might appear tomorrow. I was never confronted with that situation, nor had I thought through what I would do if I was, but I believe that if I had been I would have told the staffing team that this patient should not be held for 72 hour observation; that her/his thoughts of suicide were neither irrational or based on a situation that was likely to change if the patient could be restrained from suicide for a while.

I will be writing another post tonight (a couple, in fact), but one in particular in which I plan to finally discuss HBOT in a way that could persuade someone living without hope that a very realistic hope for RSD does exist. I hope it will prevent more than one suicide.

Abbie, I credit your insightful question to me (by PM) as part of the reason for a major change in my thinking. I'll discuss that change before tackling my post on HBOT...Vic

Not to beat a dead horse...


I just wanted to let everyone know that things have gotten so very dark that I don't believe I can hang on much longer...

I love you all...
I'm sorry.

Abbie

sweetheart...i am here.

you hang in there. i know you can. pm me. we can go into chat.

My thought is to go to the ER anyway and beg them to see you. When I read what you said about the hospital, I instantly thought of Ky. and Texas. What you said reminds me of them.

We moved back to Ky. for 2 years and when I found that no Dr. or hospital would see me due to not having money or insurance we came back to Co. Here they have what is called Indegent Care Programs where you pay by what your income. In my case it was 10. to the ER. When we were in Texas when my daughter got married I went to a Hospital in Dallas and they told me they would not see me because I had no money nor a Dr. at the time. I do know exactly what you are saying.

I would go and let them bill you and then go back and sat up payments of 10. a month. If you do that they won't turn you in to a credit bureau and in your case with the shape you are in, I honestly wouldn't care if they turned me in to the credit bureau. Deal with all of that when the time comes.

I have quit going to the ER here because they are a joke anyway. I went 2 times. The first time they didn't know what to do for me because we just have a lousy hospital, the second time I had a Dr. that chalked my pain up to depression. I had TOS and chest pains at the time. I won't tell you what her nickname is in this area.

Honestly if they held a contest for the worst Drs. in the USA and the worst hospitals this area here would win. When I had my surgery last month, one of my nurses said they had gotten a new administration to straighten the hospital up. I still won't go to the ER and my PCP tells me to call him if I need help. He doesn't even trust it.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been there and for me I was blessed and found someone who would take care of me for 5 years for free because I had no insurance.

I don't know where you live but do you have any other hospitals even in a 65 mile radius that you could go to. We have 5 in that range. Also maybe walk in to your Drs. office instead of calling and tell them exactly what shape you are in and that you need help.

I also cannot take meds. I do believe I tried every pain med, depression med, muscle relaxer, heart med, cholestral med out there and I couldn't take any. The more of the med I'd get in my system the worse the side effects became. They never let up on me like the do others. I finally found Methadone. The side effects are minimal and it's getting to be the most popular med for pain. I also swear by lidocaine patches. I couldn't do the fentnal patch, after 6 hours I was throwing my guts up on that one.

Also see if your Dr. will send you to a good Anesteologist for blocks. My thought on RSD is not have one Dr. to rely on. It just is too hard of a syndrome to deal with and if you have a PM, PCP, and a Anesteolgist all 3 in line trying to help you, if one is out of town then you can call the other. Make sure they are working together also so they won't think you are Dr. hopping just for meds.

This forum has helped me a lot. I have met so many good people on here and they are very helpful. Like Vicc, I have seen my share of fights on here or should I say have been included in them, I tend to bring out the worst in people at times. LOL Lisa didn't mean anything she just maybe worded things differently. You should also try to realize that we are all in pain here and it sometimes makes our brains not work right and things come our wrong that we say.

I do hope that you start feeling better soon and don't give up the ship.

Ada

Abbie, even though I shouldn't speak, I'm going to anyway...as long as you know I'm a LOVING person and if I sound ucky, it's just the typed words and not the sound coming out of my mouth, k????

Hon, where is the girlfriend who was with you before? Can you call her up and have her come over again? And...I believe someone here on the board has given you their phone number. Please...if you don't feel YOU can call that person, have your friend call her. Please hon. There are some things you can do.

In your heart and mind, tell yourself that you must give yourself every chance at life, at happiness, before you do anything rash. And there are people on the board here who have some awesome ideas about things you can do. I do agree with Ada, about the ER. I think you should have your friend drive you to every one she can find (or if it hurts you too much to be in the car, maybe she can call them, and feel them out first, about insurance, or what they can do to help someone without insurance who is feeling as down as you are, and who needs help so badly).

I'm going to stop talking before I say something wrong. I really care about you sweetie. I was hoping you'd post again soon so we'd know youre still around. Just please don't go off without checking in here and there, k? We'll worry way too much.

hopefullly abbie is resting...we chatted until 5 am her time.

Curious, I am so glad that you talked to Abbie for so long. When I first went on the TOS forum, I had someone that stepped up and did that for me. We would talk into the night. That was about 7 years ago and we still talk on the phone.

I offered my phone no to Abbie also. I have met many friends on here and they have helped me a lot. Now that I am going through the loss of Bill it's like no one can seem to help me on this one. I still don't mind trying to help people since I can put on a good front. LOL

I have seen a lot of people come on here that is going through what Abbie is going through and to me it seems like we have all walked each other through the hard times.

Abbie, don't give up and please stick around, it will get better.
Ada

ada...if you ever want to chat pm me. or anyone. pain, grief...depression..it is very lonely. but i'm here for y'all.