hi ...i was just sitting here writing in my journal thinking about all the things that i have lost due to my health problems and of course got really upset.. things that i was able to do but can no longer do,people who have left me due to what i am no longer able to do and realized that my job kept me in touch with other people a way out of dwelling on my pains and losses. i am so scared that i will no longer be able to do that for too much longer...even though my job isn't all that important it felt so good to help others. i work for the post office. my job is to put zip codes on mail when people forget to .. i am here worrying about how many people are not going to get their x-mas cards because i am not there..silly isn't it....i also put on stamps for kids who forget and for those that donate money to charities..it makes me feel so worthwhile to do this even though nobody knows i do it ...to know that grandparents are getting the letters from their grandkids and the grandkids are getting the letters from their grandparents...now i will be out of work for another month.. and nobody is going to do this..they all think i am crazy for doing this. they just put them in the dead letter box or send back for postage... with all that is going on in my life right now why is this one of the top things that is upsetting me so much?? i miss making a difference of giving a gift to them without them even knowing it. i called a friend of mine to see if someone was doing my job and she said that there are so many trays of mail waiting for me to do...and they won't leave them for much longer. the bosses were already complaining and telling them to get rid of them to dead letter..now i know i will not be there for them and it is just one more thing i am unable to do.... maybe this vertigo will end sooner and i can get back to helping others...but i seem to have not much luck lately...sorry this is a crazy thing to vent about with all that everyone and myself are going thru but i had to get it out..not that it makes it any easier to cope with...thanks for letting me vent....moonstar

I think that is the hardest thing for me to forget also

We define ourselves by what we do, so when we lose that we also kinda lose some of who we are. You are so right about losing touch with everyone at work. I may have lost all of those friends, but, I have gained even more here

It took me a while to mourn my loses, and I think I would still be in mourning if it wasnt for the fact I realized I had made more friends than I actually lost, and they are more caring and loving than all I was mourning over. It turned my whole life around when I realized this

Before RSD I was blessed to have a very good high paying career that afforded me some very nice things, but alas the RSD has robbed me of all things pretty much. I have learned to live without, and with this long drawn out fight for social security I have lost even more, and am learning to live on nearly nothing. The one thing that has increased 100 fold is my faith, nothing will take that away from me.

In fact as the diversity piles up, my faith increases to over come it. I know that the one thing in life that is constant is change, and what is terrible today will pass, and it will get better sooner or later. It will change for sure, the question is how will we perceive it, and react to it :icon_wink:

That is the great thing about this place. When it gets bad we can come here to our RSD family for support, they totally understand, and have a shoulder ready to cry on. The best support ever!!

((((((((moonstar)))))))))

Love ya all!
Allen

moonstar....

so many of us have been there.... it takes so much time to deal with what one has lost.....

to get out of that "hole" it's hard, yes, and maybe one way to help it along is to begin writing about what one can do.... all the things that one still can do no matter how small....

illness that knocks us off what we knew as "before" is consuming in so many ways....

mourning/coping with what has been lost is part of that....

for focus and forward thinking (and yes, i know it's so hard so many times as who could possibly be positive through some of what we have?).... writing out anything and the whatevers that you can still do is a mind trick that can help the overall "feelings"....
and yes how we feel is important....
wishing you all the best,
take care,
Ina

I Have Been Trying So Hard To Hold On To My Faith And To Do At Least One Thing A Day. I Am Taking Care Of My 21 Yr Old Autistic Adopted Brother And Am Trying To Keep To His Routine.. During The Day While Terry Is At Program I Took Care Of My Precious Handicapped Adopted Brother David...he Gave Me The Strength To Get Out Of Bed And Function The Best I Could.i Also Had An Aide To Help Me As He Had Many Medical Problems..he Isn't Here Anymore. He Passed Away Oct 16,2005. I Sit Here And Still Here Him Calling Me. I Keep Going To His Room To Empty His Ileostomy Bag And Realize He Is Not There. He Was Very Ill And I Kept Him Alive For 24 Yrs. The One Time I Left Him In The Hands Of A Hospital Worker So I Could Go To The Bathroom And Get A Cup Of Tea She Hurt Him Ignoring Specific Instructions Of How To Care For Him. He Had To Have Another Surgery Due To Her Neglect And Wound Up Getting Phenomia(spelling???) This Is What Finally Was The Reason For His Death. I Blame Myself Most Of The Time For Leaving Him. Mostly Blame Her. But I Don't Even Know Her Name. Not Having Him Here To Care For Has Caused My Heart And Soul To Break,with No Hope Of Ever Healing. He Was Born On X-mas Day And My Mother (who Was My Best Friend In The World)passed Away Dec 22,1993(at The Age Of 53) I Have Been Robbed Of Many Years With My Mom And With David. Added To All My Injuries And Pain It Is Just Too Overwhelming.
I Am Trying So Hard To Keep It Together For Terry But My Tears Just Can't Stop Falling And No Amount Of Medication Can Take My Depression Of All The Losses Away..i Know Have Tried Them All, With No Effect. Sorry Went On So Long....thank You My New Friends. Thank Yoyu For Being There For Me And Trying To Give Me Hope And Strength..it Means Alot Not To Feel So Alone...moonstar