[Scuffler]

hello all. if youve got the time, my somewhat long story follows. to start, i have just been diagnosed with crps and it is terrible. does anyone have any advice for how to get this under control? it would help so much. i must say, i have never heard of this. i am an avid reader and love anything to do with medicine, etc and in all my years of reading i have never heard of crps or rsd. anyway, my story follows.

first, i am in so much pain all the time. it is so discouraging. i am 35, married with a sweet baby girl that just turned 1 last week. this crps CRAP has changed my life, and me as a person and not for the better. aside from the pain, i find that i am more agitated and angry and i snap at my wife and i hate it. she understands and trys to help me but im always hurting.
i need to rant before i get to the story. i feel like 99% of the medical 'professionals' just dont get it. i know they are very knowledgable in their field, including therapists and such but as much as they know, they will NEVER know what it actually feel like.

ok, so on march 28th of this year i amputated my ring finger off at work. it was brutal. i work at a foundry and i was doing some cutting on a large band saw. the saw took a piece of my glove and took my hand in. i lost my left ring finger at the pip joint and it ripped my middle finger from the pip joint to the tip, down to the bone. shredded my muscles, nerves, everything.
as soon as it happened i knew i lost my fingers. i was afraid to look but i knew. i asked the guy i was training if i just cut my finger off and he said yes. he threw me a rag that was full of metal chips and such and i put it over my hand. he picked up my finger and we headed to the hospital. on the way there, i called my wife, who immediately broke down crying as i looked at my finger sitting on the dash.
so i get tuned up on whatever pain meds they gave me and headed to surgery. i dont remember much of this. i am left with a nub of a ring finger and a complete middle finger but it has a nasty scar and pieces of my bone are gone. metal chips are still in my fingers.
so its been 5 months and the pain is terrible.
as of right now all i take is 30 milligram roxicodone but i take a lot. i am waiting on some compound ketamine cream to come ups. i didnt even know they did that. when the pharm called i thought i was getting scammed at first but they knew info like my doctors name, my name, and some other things.
so even with the roxi, i am in a great deal of pain. i was in active OT up until last week but the doc pulled me out cause i am not 'medically stable'.
my finger tips are hyper sensative to the touch, the pain is unbearable, and my grip sucks. with my right hand i can pull about 148lbs of pressure and with my left, i pull about 18lbs.
im currently on workers comp, it sucks dealing with that system but it is what it is. i have a lawyer and we are making moves but that is another issue.

my doc tried me on neurontin and it didnt help. then she put me on lyrica. it didnt help and i got violently sick. some sort of adverse reaction or something so i had to come off of it. now it is just the roxicodone.
i have always had a pretty high tolerance for pain medicine, and for that matter pain but i dont understand how something supposedly so strong, can do so little. dont get me wrong, it does help. it takes the edge off. it makes things tolerable but thats it.
tell it to me straight please. is this as good as it gets? can i look forward to pain forever?

my doc told my i have crps. i just found this out last week. i was reading through my comp notes a few weeks ago and i saw a notation from her describing my symptoms and it said it was too early to tell if it is crps. well, apparently it is.
now, the symptoms....
it hurts all the time. different kinds of pain in different area and i dont understand.
my pain never goes below a 4 even with the pills. it gets as high as a 9 every day. i never use the number 10 but im sure i could.
my entire hand hurts and even my forearm and bicep. my ring and middle fingers are so sensative. i get a pain that is so deep it feels like it is in my bones. in both of those fingers and even in my hand. then, for no reason at all it will burn. or itch. or tingle. or start shooting up my arm. or my arm will ache. i will be sitting here and all of a sudden it feels like i am getting stabbed in the fingers with nails. i can get any combo of these pains in my fingers, hand, and arm all at the same time or one finger and not the other, etc.
mind you this is not really doing anything. forget about it if i try to put my hand to use.

my depth perception is off. i feel like i have extreme pain in parts of my finger that are not even there. i constantly bump it at home if i reach for something cause as i said, im off.
i have a 1 year old little girl and this has really made it hard for me to help my wife care for here. if you have children you will understand. she is very squirmy and i dont want to hurt myself, or possibly her. i can change her diaper and what not, IF she is in the mood to let me. if she is in her wiggle mood though, kicking and rolling, i cant do it. she has kicked my hand, fingers and the like and the pain sends me through the roof.

i hate it.
i have had to alter everything i do. even taking a shower. i cant wash my hair like i used to cause i can not tolerate the sensation of the water on my fingers. i have had to change the way i do everything.
this has changed me not just physically but mentally. i HATE the way my hand looks. i dont want to see it or anyone else to see it. my wife is like a master at knitting and crochet. she makes me what i call 'nub gloves' that i wear over my stump. this provides me protection but also hides it. i feel disgusting and disfigured. i dont want my wife to see it. dont want my daughter to see it.
i have nightmares almost every night about the accident. my sleep schedule is all out of whack. i seem to be on a rotation of 48 hours awake and then maybe 5 hours of sleep. the pain either keeps me from falling asleep or wakes me up.

now im normally a pretty happy guy. love to laugh and joke but i have changed. i find myself not being as happy. i tend to 'snap' at my wife. not yell or call names just get an attitude. i know i am doing it and i know why. i am tired and i am in pain.
i feel bad for my wife cause she has to deal with me. she is amazing and wonderful and its not fair to her. i could not get through this if it was not for her.

that said, now i honestly feel like she would be better off without me. i feel like i have nothing to offer. i was the sole provider for our family and i did well. im a hard worker.
i made very good money and that is gone forever now. i am not saying i will never work again but i will never do what i was doing or reach the goals i had and it sucks.
i worked in a place that not many people want to work. they are literally afraid of it. they will hire 10 people on a monday and by friday there might only be 1 or 2 left.
i worked as a quality engineer at a foundry. i assumed various duties there. it paid well but it as dangerous but i was damn good at what i did and i liked the work. i had plans to take my skills to the top and i was on the way.

when i went out on comp i had received $5 in raises in 18 months time by assuming various duties there. there were about 350 people working there are any given time. about 15 people in my general department and i was the only person that did what i did.
i was well on my way to more than doubling my hourly/yearly salary in about 2 years time. i mean it WAS happening. not bad for a high school drop out.
this place is known around here for great pay but extremely demanding work. long hours. high risk of injury and IF you get a serious injury, youre kicked to the curb and thats what happened.

when this happened i was into a long shift. i had been there about 14 hours. then in an instant, my life changed. god i hate it so much.
i am not depressed but dont get me wrong... things suck right now.
i was proud of myself. proud for doing the work i was doing. proud for bringing in the kind of money i was for my wife and daughter. my wife was proud of me and it is gone.
im 35 and my wife is 23. she has had a couple jobs but when we got married i told her i would always take care of her. when we found out she was pregnant we decided she was going to stop working and take care of the home and our daughter and i was damn proud of that. it made me feel so good that i was able to provide that.
these days it is not very common for there to be only 1 wage earner. we did it and we were getting on fine. we have everything we need. we had some extras. a little money in the bank. we had toys. my wife and daughter wanted for nothing.
i am not trying to come off as pompous here. just trying to have you understand my physical and mental state.

i mean we are thrifty. always have been, when i say they wanted for nothing i dont mean she had prada purses and huge conflict diamonds. she is an extreme couponer. she enjoys it. we buy new clothes but we also frequent goodwill. we enjoy that also. we were happy with our lifestyle and it made me so happy that my wife could stay at home and our daughter would not have to be in child care 8 hours a day or have us on opposite shifts. i am most certainly NOT one of those guys that feels like the wife 'belongs' at home and all that 1950's thought processes. we made the decision for her to not work together and it just made me feel good.

i guess i am on about that stuff because i dont know where we stand now. i have not found much information about crps.
i do know that i am not going to ever go back to work at the foundry. i dont know if/when i will go back to work but i can guarantee that i will never work in my field again, nor will i make the money i was.
that means i am breaking my promise to my wife. she is going to have to go work.
i dont know if i am going to be able to get on disability and if so how much will i get. when it will start.
i have a lawyer and i am going after the foundry for negligence(thats a long story with a long explanation but i assure you, they were negligent)

sorry to rant..... back to the pain.

how am i supposed to handle this for the rest of my life? am i just supposed to rely/depend on heavy narcotics? am i supposed to get used to the fact that i am going to be in constant pain forever?

what do all of you do? how do you do it? how do you function?

how is it possible you are able to work and earn a living while in this kind of pain, while taking these kinds of medications?

i am so sorry for the long thread but i need someone to talk to. i am reaching out here because i am absolutely lost. i have no clue on what to do.
make no mistake about it, my family will always have food. they will never be hungry. we will never be without a place to live. i will never allow that to happen.
i cant promise that i am going to do it myself like i was before. i will never be able to support them the way they deserve now and its because of this.
i feel robbed. this should not have happened to me.
not trying to throw a pity party here but its true. im a good guy. i work hard. i love my family. i did work people walked out on. i dont drink. i dont use drugs(unless prescribed), so what gives? why cut me down like this?

if anyone can relate, i am asking for advice and suggestions. i am open to almost any and all things. with respect, no religion. thank you in advance.

please tell me what kinds of pains you have. how do you get rid of them? what medicines could possibly help me? what kind of therapies? surgeries? ANYTHING...

please and thank you.

i am lost and i am scared. i am in so much pain and my earning potential is gone. my employer tossed me out with the trash when i got hurt. just like people that work there said. just like people around town said, they did it and it makes me angry.

on a final note, i will tell you one thing i am tired of. i am tired of people(not you ladies and gent, as i am asking) comparing their accidents to mine and saying things like 'the same thing happened to me'....it happens all the time.

i will be talking to someone and they will tell me how they are doing, 20 years after the same thing happened to them. funny though, i look down and i see 10 fingers. i see no scars. oh but they were in the kitchen cutting chicken and cut the tip of their finger off by the nail way back in 1975 and they made it through. that bothers me so much.
how is that the same as having their fingers violently ripped apart in an industrial accident? you know
maybe i am taking it wrong and they are just trying to give sympathy, but it bothers me.