March 31, 2011
Disappointment over lost letter

Two weeks ago my dear granddaughter was baptized. I was disappointed at being unable to attend because of the distance and my RSD issues. Not the first disappointment I've dealt with since my accident Jan'10. Fighting WorkComp, Filing for Disability Retirement, Filing for SSDI, WorkComp accepting my injury but denying my claim for compensation, etc., etc., etc. Now having an attorney, having a hearing before the WC Board of Review, trying to nicely ask my dr each time one of the above requires another form or more justification for my
inability to work. And then the Doc says, 'Girl, you need to
lower your stress level.
Well the biggest disappointment came last Thursday when I
got the opportunity to visit my daughter and my grandchildren,
including Chloe who had been recently baptized and Chloe
informed me that she had written me a letter in response to the
letter I had written her. Her mother said she did write one but she didn't get it mailed yet.* Chloe said she did mail it, her great grandma had given her the stamp.* Then she added, it was a long letter too.*

*** I cannot describe in words how broken my heart was that I hadn't received the letter.* We discussed it much and decided that maybe they were wrong about when it had been mailed and possibly just hadn't been received yet.* My disappointment was allayed, but I was still anxious to get home and make sure the mail hadn't been brought in one day and the letter had been overlooked and laying there unopened.

*** Well, there was no letter here when I got home and my usually wonderful mailman(I used to be a mailman too, so I know how this works) was falling under suspicion of having mislaid my important letter.* Or worse yet some jammed up letter sorting machine had eaten it.* I know how many ways a letter can get 'distracted' from its addressee.* And I hated knowing all of them.

*** And to add to my disappointment they are on vacation this week, not in a motel, but in a cabin with no internet, so I'm getting no pics of kids being kids on vacation.* Talk about disappointment overload.

*** So, today my husband brings in the mail.* One letter for me, no return address and handwriting looked 'youngish'.* I was sure it was Chloe's letter.* Now I really didn't care where it had been, it was here now, all was right with the world and I was going to read it a dozen times to make up for the delay.

*** Well, as soon as I pulled it out of the envelope, I could tell it wasn't Chloe's letter, because it was unlined printer paper with something typewritten on it.*

*** As fast as my heart had been beating with anticipation, it was now in dispair.* My day hadn't been going too badly, but I was going to need a nap now to deal with my dispair.

*** I unfolded the letter and out dropped a money order for $1,000.00 (wow, my screen is still blurry when I think of it).* The paper said for you to use as needed.** I have been off work since Oct of last year with no pay.* I am the main breadwinner in*my home.* My husband receives a small stipend but not enough to sustain us, especially without planning to be without that money.* Our savings and any extra money had evaporated after the accident buying another car, covering missed extra days after I was released as 'fit to work',* and a million other things.* Like I said, evaporate is what it did.* For the last few weeks we have been selling things on ebay to string along by until something comes through.* We had borrowed money from a relative, but didn't want to do that again, unless desperation set in.* And I could see in the rear view mirror that*desperation was close enough to be*kissin' our taillights pretty soon.

** And now my despair over not receiving Chloe's letter, had turned to numbness.* God, Himself had sent me 1,000 dollars.* No name, no address, no marks indicating where the transfer had been purchased.* Doesn't matter really when it comes from the hand of God.

** Now I am numb and I'm sure I'm still dispairing over the lost letter just not able to feel it because of the numbness over being able to cover my responsibilities for one more month.* Now I've gone over everyone I've talked to in the last two weeks, because it was purchased two weeks ago today.* I always say, money has not been a stressor for me.* And I still believe that it hasn't been.* I can't walk, I don't care that I don't have any money and by the time my lawyer recovers my insurance settlement and one of the retirement checks start coming everything will get caught up.*

*** My Doc says yes he believes I will be able to walk more than a block or two, be patient.* Won't be the first time God has put me in a waiting room because I have no patience, or I need my faith to grow.* In this waiting room, I'm learning to be quiet.* HaHa, a grandma to ten with ADD who can talk faster than an auctioneer on a high, and talk under the table any politician willing to take me on.* I talk to myself, I talk to animals on my mailroute, I talk to the squirrels and birds outside my kitchen window, I yell at the cats that chase them.* I talk to the*dog, she has her own language, but we understand each other. * If it is close to me, I talk to it.* Always have.*

**** Most importantly, I talk to God.* And surprisingly so, I stop occasionally to listen to Him.* He's got some pretty good stuff in that book of His.* And He loves me unconditionally.* So much so He told one of His other 'adopted children' to send me 1,000.00* dollars.

**** Tonight's meeting of the IOI* just might be an all nighter praise gathering.* I have absolutely no idea who would have sent me this money, so all the praise and thanksgiving is going to God.* He's pretty good at passin' on the blessings so I'm gonna ask Him to 'payback' tenfold.

**** T'is a Mighty God we serve.* A mighty, might God.* Gotta go, my screen is getting blurry again.

*International Order of Insomniacs

I don't know where all the stars came from, I wrote this in another format and then copied it over here. Sorry won't try that again.

Trust in the Lord and He will provide!