I realize that this topic might be a bit controversial, though that is not my intention. There just are very few places that I could discuss such a thing...

Like most of us here, I found this place as a result of disease. It is serious, painful and potentially deadly. I am at peace with my diagnosis's and believe wholeheartedly that this is the result of me turning my will and life over to the care of my understanding of a Higher Power.

"Use me as you see fit; for whatever purpose you have," was my wish. And I see reasons unfolding continuously. I see spiritual gifts that my wonderful wife and father have learned as they struggle to come to grips with this - lessons they struggled with, but now, with my life hanging in the balance as a motivating force, they've risen to the challenge.

Perhaps, it has occurred to me, that lessons learned this might be lifted from me one day - but honestly, I don't care. It's not my life anymore - I gave it away happily and I don't want it back. I'm happier today than I've ever been and the joy keeps growing. I have a greater purpose today than any I've ever enjoyed.

Am I alone?

I guess for me, it was the acceptance of my 24/7 pain as well as being on narcotic meds for the rest of my life that helped turn the negative into more positives. I pray daily to cope and accept what God permits to happen to me.

I do admit I still go thru times when I am getting down. I try not to dwell on what I can no longer do. I realize for the sake of myself and family I need to try the best I can to make the most of each day.

Gerry

after 9 years of brain injuries the loss of my money my job my house most of my family and all of my friendsalong with the terror of falling asleep which means I'll wake up with my body convulsing and shaking and burning in all different directions has made me kind of docile .the fear that my heart might stop because of my weight and because ofthe spasms and contractions when I wake up is there. I'm 46 over 300 pounds and when I wake up with those spasms and tremors it is heavy burden on my heart and I don't know how long my heart with the thick walls will hold out. I was scared but now I'm like if there's a God great and that there's not I wont know cause I'll be dead. I'm more scared of being alive and having the chronic seizure are tremors or whatever the hell they are. I hope all of us can lose all of our fear and have peace amen

All fear is fear of death; and all who live seek to avoid death. But it will come for all of us soon enough. Let's live till then. I know what it's like to wake in pain and terror; PTSD owned me for a spell. And the spasms and tremors in your heart; I've felt them - heart attack after heart attack.

I'm still here. And really, it makes no sense not to enjoy it. I'm certainly paying a high enough price. But here's the thing... it's worth much more. I'm still getting a bargain.

Come on! Be happy! I double dog dare ya!

i'll try to laugh it off tomorrow morning and let you know how it goes

Mark,

In your last sentence " lose all of our fear and have peace" really hits home to me. Because of the last several years of pain and suffering, I actually am looking forward to, as I put it, "going Home".

This has given me a sense of peace. I think many of us do not fear death as much as the fear of terrible pain near the end. Putting all that aside; what is the worse that can happen?

Until then, I will do the best I can to figure out what I can and cannot accomplish with my limitations, allowing me to enjoy my life as it is now and not what it was. For the most part; I have a sense of peace and not fear.

Mark, may peace; not fear be with you.


Gerry

I love reading this thread. There is only love and fear. I do also believe the biggest fear is death or maybe losing independence. Death is just closing your eyes in this demension and opening them in another. It's home, where we have been so many times. we just can't remember, what a burdon if we had to remember all of that!!!!!!!!!!! I have enough to remember in this life.

i'm 75, have back pain this week, it scares me. I am having some pain on the tread mill and exercise bike. I started to take a pain pill. I don't like that, I like natural means: turmeric, somatic exercise, ice, stretching, yoga. Hoping it goes away, have to stop reading my cat scans that say severe OA with stenosis. I can tough my toes with my palms on the ground!! ( ha, so what )

Every AM I say, thank you that I can walk etc It is so important to think of what we can do and give love out to others. The body was made to wear out. Oh well.

Leila

Thank you so much Leilad you are an inspiration. I agree with you. Love and fear and the freedom to choose is all there is.

The opposite of fear isn't courage. Courage is the ability to act in spite of fear. Love has no spite at all.

Dear friend

Hoping you pain subsides
I am fifty three
"It" all changed one night getting
ready for work
Life has never been the same
That was about six years now

My kids loath it when I say
" I'm rotting slowly everyday"
Morbid I guess but the truth

i'm done
over done
rotted

she is an hour late

me