We have been having a hard time for a long time but things seem to be very overwhelming right now. Our son is 11-years-old I’ll call him Mitchell – one of his names. He was subjected to persistent severe physical, emotional and verbal bullying from a group of boys in primary school. We withdrew him when he was strangled in the playground. He has finally agreed to and commenced counselling for related emotional and behavioural issues which mainly present as an issue at home. At the moment, there are number of stressors. He is due to transition to secondary school in January and we have concerns about which is the best school for him. We don’t want him to be returning to the same group who were bystanders to the bullying. However, we have been attempting to buy a house in the neighbouring zone to avoid this situation and keep coming up against financial barriers. I have an interview for the possibility of some casual work and I’m wondering whether this is wise or viable given his current well-being? I also have a serious chronic illness, RSD type two with extensive nerve damage to my neck and arms, and I’m not coping very well with his behaviour at home. Both my husband and I would like our relationship with him to improve as he is constantly pushing the boundaries at the moment. Please pray for healing, guidance, peace and strength-maybe a house too. Thank you Booklover

Hi booklover,
I'm very sorry to hear about what's been going on for your son. My son was in a similar situation at around the same age and younger so I really feel for him and you all. I hope that you're able to find a safe environment for your son to continue his education. I'll be thinking of you knowing you're going through this difficult time. take care there.

Hi booklover,

I knew the feeling of verbal and emotional bullying for years at school from age 11, so I have zero tolerance when I hear of cases now. Unfortunately, I had no support from my parents. I hope strong action was taken against the assaulters.

Counselling is the best place for your son to work out these issues while he is young enough that it not become an Anxiety or PTSD related problem.

I see no problem in you returning to work (if you are able) to better the chances of your son putting this behind him, but the best thing to do would be to ask his Counsellor.

Of course, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son at this difficult transition time.

Dave.

Of course I'll pray for you, your child and your family.

People can be so cruel.....and I have to wonder what kind of family life those bullies must have if they're so mean at such a young age.

I hope you can find a home in the school district you want to be in. I'm in the USA but we have an online school for students K-12 and it's complete with state licensed teachers. And it's at no charge. If that fits your schedule that might be an alternative if things at the secondary school don't work out.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

My heart goes out to you and your son. As a parent, there are few things harder to witness than the torture (because that's what it is) of one's child at the hands of his/her peers.

Why this "Lord of the Flies" atmosphere is allowed to persist in schools is a mystery to me. Where else could some maniac strangle someone else with impunity?

I find it beyond outrageous that the schools, at least in our area, place the responsibility for changing the situation on the victim. The bullied child is sent off to learn how to be more assertive. OMG, no matter what, there is never any justification for physical or verbal violence. It's the bully who requires the behaviour modification.

Certainly I will include your son Mitchell in my prayers. It is best to remove him from the situation. Too many parents just send him out there and tell him to "toughen up", meanwhile he gets the crap beaten out of him. That's wrong. It's victim abuse. You are right to try to protect him. If you must move then do it.

Dear booklover,

Thank you for being a concerned parent, advocating for, taking care of, your child.

My niece was being bullied at school. She was placed in an independent study program, where there was a teachers to students ratio of 1:5. She loved the program, began to excel in all of her courses and eventually graduated with high honors and a partial scholarship toward college.
Changing the environment can be very helpful, very healing for children.

Offering prayer, meditation and energy of support and healing for your child, you and your family.

With Concern,
DejaVu

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and sharing your stories. I'm touched that you're praying for us and saddened that you and your loved ones have been affected by bullying. Unfortunately,Mitchell was affected by bullying for several years at his old school we were always advocating for him and they were always reassuring us they were addressing the issues but their lack of action made him feel more powerless. It was complicated he didn't want to be the one who had to leave his friends, my illness meant I couldn't drive him to another school in a different district and I was in and out of hospital during this time and lost the use of my right arm for a year. Nevertheless, I was keen for him to shift no matter what it took. When he moved to another primary school he settled in easily and is now the vice school captain. After leaving his old school, the impact on him has become more evident. He sometimes gets very anxious and feels the need to be in control of his environment. At home he's experimenting with using his power and I often end up on the receiving end of his frustration and anger. I often wonder what he would be like if he'd never gone to that school. This last week he has been so much happier and it's been so peaceful here,so thanks for praying for him/ us. We've also put in a letter asking for special consideration on compassionate grounds for the high school that we really would like to send him to. So we're really hoping they'll consider it favourably if it's not too late. I had the job interview they were lovely people. The interview went reasonably well but I had to disclose my injury on the pre-employment form and that may be an issue for them- one of the roles in the casual pool I can probably do the other may involve too much driving. Oh well I find out one way or another next week. Booklover

Booklover - you are among many who, here, care for this trauma to be lifted from your family. The conduct of bullying should not be tolerated....ever.

I was among those who have been bullied in my youth. It hurt to the core. I was "different." Later, one of our children was as well thus victimized. We stepped into the system and demanded it stop. Amazed we were the system would pay lip service to our child's situation, while unyieldingly protecting the "rights" of the bullies.

I am praying all will be well in your situation, and that of Mitchell. Praying those who act hurtfully will be convicted of the spirit to Stop It. Praying the system will embrace the children in its care to help them mature on healthy paths.

I suffered PTSD which is only now in later life being addressed in therapy I am receiving. Our child is similarly receiving such care. May the wounds of the spirit in your child be healed over so you all may have life full of joy.

How can this all turn out? It can inspire to the good. I ultimately became involved in the legal profession dedicated to helping others overcome difficulties. That is one of my personal joys.

Our child became a wonderfully talented artist whose music, humor, and sculptures are a blessing. Yes, more therapy remains to overcome the PTSD, but there is hope.

I pray that in your family, an upwelling of hope carries you all beyond this season of difficulty.

M56