Awoke
Cut at the knees every single morning
There has not been any calm
Praying without ceasing
Am I eased no
My believing mind wants to trust that my Faith be strong enough to allow me some calm in my mind of scurry
Where is he
Where did my boy go
Why the ultimate sorrow
Worry for what
This world is evil lost homes with single parents struggling to raise their children
where are the absent parents and why are they not forced accountability
Force them to face their children
Look them in their face and have the courage why they fall short being a dad
I do not speak about my ex-husband who is after being void my boys entire life and the courts step in and victimize the responsible parent
Me
What I am going through at this point is cruel
So very cruel
Void his entire life
Do not even know if he hasn’t expired
So angry handed it over to a lawyer
Why
The inept fecklessness perpetrated upon him and us his entire life and they want to give him rights
Keep twisting that knife in my back
Fighting hard for my children in a corrupt legal system
A enterprise that rules the world many do many corrupt
And I wake in sorrow to realize it’s real he’s gone
Not of this earth any more
To make it home before me his momma
Home I want to be too
Tired of the good that should be halted by lies manipulation lies lies lies the fact is this the truth be told
Tired he to was
I’m just saying just to find a starting point
Never a place where I could
It’s just been life
Life on life terms
No parent should ever have to endure the loss of their child
We were so fortunate to have been able to have a good understanding of our place in this family
So tired of all
All of it
The day begins
And I look forward to its end already
Do not want to go through today
And yet I must shove all this pain and sorrow somewhere and do for those who depend upon me
To date never a word from my own mother
I am not okay
I have nothing good to offer
Just going through the motions and with an attitude
Get the F out of my way
My boy forever 39
Never to be held in my arms
Forsaken
Much if me dead