[crytears]

I've not been around here for awhile, been at "The OTHER" site...LoL!
Anyway...I'm seriously sinking into deep depression....I've got some serious health issues going on with me...
and seems I'm always upsetting other people. I've even lost cyber freinds recently over something dumb I did,
long story, I was trying to help someone else...anyway...too long a story.

I'm really having a very VERY hard time...began weeks before the holidays and
my health at same time getting much worse.
I just had recent RE-diagnosis of Polymyositis...ug...not fun,
but I dont have the muscle wasting part, just the weakness for now.
The Steroids/Prednisone I MUST take causes me emotional...
and OK, I'll admit, say it, mental issues, on top of having my mind race and all sorts of other issues.
My Rheumy tells me I need to take a higher dose of Prednisone...oh no!
I started taking just 2 milligrams more around the holidays...
just that tiny amount has caused me horrible issues (mind racing, thinking clearly etc) But....
If I don't take the steroids...I can't do much, so I must take it.

I often think of those who're in prison because they've done wrong...but I seem to be in my own prison...my bedroom!
At least those in prison don't have chronic pain and muscle weakness.
On top of all this...I'm having increasing balance issues...our house is a tri-level...
we have stairs everywhere! So must move, soon...
I've fallen a few times. So is becoming too dangerous to stay here.
2 months ago, I fell backwards when I carried large box down the stairs...missed 2 stairs.
I can't beleive I didin't break my neck it was such a bad fall onto tiled floor.
Moving will be very traumatic for me because I love our property and setting...
And moving is way too overwhelming for me...and will be very costly for us.

And...if things couldn't be worse...my dog, Satin is having serious health issues...she's been having a gagging issues...2 vets cannot figure out whats wrong, except to think its cancer in her throat.
But lately, since the holidays, its become much worse.
My husband said we need to put her to sleep soon...she's 14 years old, showing sighns of arthritis...
last nite she gagged all night. Each day seems to be worse for her...I dont want her to suffer and we can't spend a lot of money on an old dog who would only live few months longer anyway.
And spending thousands of dollars for this may not solve the problems.
I haven't slept much the last few weeks...pain, emotional "stuff" and this depression...and the thought of losing my best freind on earth! Is ubareable.
Seems I loose everything I love and care about.
I'm very sensitive to medications and I've tried every kind of depression medication there is and I always have some adverse reaction to it.
Zoloft seemed to be the best one for me, but just one week of taking a very low dose (25mg) I began having teeth clenching...it got so bad I thought I was having seizures with it. I still have a little clenching and I quit taking the Zoloft months ago.
Anyway...please pray for me...Feel everyone rejects me...even my own body is rejecting me....
and I think even God is rejecting me as well.
I know...I'm terribly narsisstic lately...I just can't help it...
the pain, emotional issues and being terribly rejected by family, "freinds"...
I just can't help thinking this way.
My not sleeping is causing more issues on top of all this, but I can't sleep thru my muscle and joint pain.
My pain meds don't help much now either as I've been on them for years...started taking them because a nerve got damaged during GallBladder surgery...feels like a knife in my side 24/7 for 5+ years now...pain managment was only option after 2 exploritory surgeries couldn't find what happened except damaged nerve in bile duct.
Thanks, CryTear (my initials are CRY...what an inigma, eh?!)

[clouds z]

i hope you feel better

try searching internet for some of those things and folk remedies

[clouds z]

http://www.coljoe.com/

[AfterMyNap]

Hang on, CT, God has not and will never reject you! You've done the right thing by seeking prayers, and you'll get them. Can you take sleep meds? If you get some decent rest, you might be in a better frame of mind to make some decisions.

I'm so sorry that you feel that you're sinking into the pit, but please remember that God can find you anywhere.

[DM]

Originally Posted by AfterMyNap

Hang on, CT, God has not and will never reject you! You've done the right thing by seeking prayers, and you'll get them. Can you take sleep meds? If you get some decent rest, you might be in a better frame of mind to make some decisions.

I'm so sorry that you feel that you're sinking into the pit, but please remember that God can find you anywhere.

I can't agree more. Don't give up on yourself CT. Like Cindy said, God is w/you and maybe he sent you to NT for a reason. You're never alone here either. Hope you can get some rest and start to climb back out of that hole. Hey, you have no where to go, but up....

Praying for you to gather strength and for your pain to lessen.

[Chemar]

(((((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))))

I did post on the other thread yesterday too, but I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you.

I have known you on the boards for many years now and you have always been such a caring person to others, even though I know you have been through some really horrible suffering in your own life

I do pray that you will regain hope and strength, Cheryl.
And most especially I pray that you will be reassured of God's love for you and the reassurance that He will never reject you.
Some walk a path of suffering that we will never truly comprehend, and that makes it so very confusing when we know that God is Love. So I pray that this all draws you closer to Him, Cheryl, so that you will rediscover that comfort that only He can give. I pray you will feel His presence and love in a uniquely special way today

with love
Cheri

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((( crytears ))))))))))))))

I'll remember you in my prayers, and hope upon hope that the so much you're dealing with in many ways will see a relief.

KD

[Jomar]

Hi from a fellow Oregonian,

Maybe the weather changes and these nice days of sunshine that Oregon is getting will help to ease your pain a little bit.
You might have some of the SAD symptoms {seasonal affective disorder} so a good dose of sunshine might help give you a boost.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sea...195/DSECTION=2

Do you have a nice sunny window or sunny deck so that you can sit in the sun and listen to some music and try to relax and doze?

Reading thru the Psalms and Wisdom verses in the Bible helped me at bad times.

[MooseasaurusRex]

((((Crytears))))

I've been going through something very familiar. I actually thought limiting my time here would actually help somehow.
It didn't.

I can't find the words or advice to help you as I'm still climbing out of my own pit. But know this;

You are not alone.
You are one of us.
And we are here to help.

[Corkybird]

indeed none of us are alone here. It's one wonderful person helping another great friend. Many suffering from down feelings recently. I thought the same as what Moose was saying..maybe if I stay off of chat and don't worry about others problems... yep, I spiraled down into that dark pit last week as well and found that I was alone and indeed NOT worrying about others but needed to come and find out what was happening so I could PRAY for others and offer support and care and concern.
Hugs and prayers that you are soon feeling better