I just felt I had to share this with someone, and I thought some of you here might understand. Recently I've been going through, what might be described as a religious 'dry patch'. I've still been saying my prayers and going to church, and I never stopped loving God, but there was something.... missing. I don't know, sometimes I just felt like I was far away from Him.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been having a really bad time of it with "stuff". The insomnia's been worse than it ever has before, and I felt I was getting nowhere with the VNS. I never went Monday to have it turned back on, didn't take my meds, just didn't care. I went to my pdoc after work on Wednesday and had a not so good session because I had to tell her I started to cut again. Basically I was fed up and miserable, as well as worrying about the future, my job and these long hours I'm working.

Last night it just all got on top of me. I was alone in my room and all the bad stuff seemed to come crashing down on me. I was in tears. I was saying my prayers as always (I'm afraid to say they have become a little 'routine' of late) when all of a sudden, everything just came pouring out of me, I told Him all about everything that was happening and how I was feeling, and started asking... well... begging really, for help. Then.. I don't know, I just felt like I was being hugged, or had had a warm blanket wrapped around me. At first I thought it was my mom but realized it was different. It was God and it wasn't like He suddenly appeared, more that I'd turned around and realized that He'd been standing behind me all this time, just waiting for me to turn to Him. All of a sudden I felt not so alone anymore, I had someone there for me the whole time.

I've always felt a little selfish asking for help for myself or talking about myself. As though I had no right to ask for help when so many people are so much worse off than me. But last night I realized how silly an idea that was. It's not selfish to ask for a light when you're standing in the dark. It's not like He only has a certain amount of love to go around.

As I said, I just wanted to share this with you all, in case it touches someone else in a similar situation. He's standing right there, don't be afraid to turn around and ask for help.

guess it kinda goes back to ...Our Father...

don't be afraid to ask your daddy for help and guidance.


*monkey makes mental note to do this herself.

what an uplifting post bj. may you keep feeling his love and pressence in your life. it is always there.

Amen BJ. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am touched. You are right that HE is always with us and never leaves us. You will inspire many with your post.

It was just such an amazing experience, I just had to share it with you. Thank you for reading it!

Just know that He's always with you, Monkey hint hint , and will never give up on you. I think we all have 'dry patches' sometimes, but it just makes it all the better when you feel His presence with you again. "What ever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive" (Matthew 21:22). Keep asking, keep believing and keep trusting. He will always love you, no matter what.

(((BJ)))

I'm so happy for you. That's a wonderful story and a GREAT memory to carry along with you when the pressures of life get to you.

"It's not like He only has a certain amount of love to go around"

That's like an epiphany I had last week. I'm a soldier so I was praying about help (I love psalm 91) and it suddenly came to me. All the evil people who plot and do terrible things - if they die and do not seek God's forgiveness - what happens to them? They don't continue to be part of the equation. I mean, it's not like their in Hell plotting further against us.

BUT - the good people, saints and such, who do recieve God's forgiveness - they watch out for us and add to the gjillions of others like them who continue to be part of the equation - for the good.

It's like we're in this superbowl of superbowls and our crowd keeps getting
louder and stronger. I never feel like I'm alone on the battlefield. A chorus of angels are there by my side and I have nothing at all to fear.

BJ, I thought this was a beautiful story you told. It inspired me. I love hearing about experiences like this, and I'm so glad you had one. May God continue to bless you, and be there with you all the time.

Idealist

I will pray for you dear one... you pray for me...
I always think of some other peopl I love to pray for when I am so over burdened... give it to G_d...

((((((BJ)))))))))

I think you have touched more people with that testimony of God's ever present Love than you will maybe ever know

you sure reminded me about it cos it shone right through your words

isn't HE that turns the back..He is always there, it's US that turn and walk away...and a true blessing when we realize HE is always there for us and always forgives