You are writing with great courage...
 

as you think through your reactions and your many feelings!:hug:

I am amazed with how well you have been able to express yourself during this very trying time!:) Your thoughts demonstrate the great depth to your loving, compassionate personality!:hug:

It often seems the more compassionate we are, the more our heart and soul can deeply ache. Yet, it is important to have this capacity...this vulnerability (despite the fact that this capacity for compassion seems to assist in hurting so much more, sometimes.):hug:

Keep on writing/sharing in whatever manner you feel led to do so!:hug:

We're all here for you!:grouphug:

Nikki my heart goes out to you. :hug:

I wasn't a nurse for 40 years not to know what you're going through. The difference is that it's your husband and not one of my patients, even though I did come to love a lot of my patients in different ways. It's just not the same.

I wish I had the right words to say to you dear Nikki, but I don't and that makes me feel inadequate.

Please know that I'll always be with you in spirit. I'll be by your side every step of the way, and if I can help in any way, you only have to say.

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Nikki,

It is times like this that we feel the walls closing in on us from every direction. We just need to take a breath and also keep our heads up. God gives us trying times and during then he sees how we take our trails that has been given to us. My heart goes out to you and your family. That is a key word, FAMILY, you all need to wrap your arms around each other and give big hugs to each other.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at all times.

Darlene:hug:

You and Lynn are in my daily prayers, Nik. :hug: God knows your heart, his love is patient, kind, and endless, He's waiting for you to turn toward Him again. :hug:

I try extremely hard not to allow bad feelings over take me, negative thoughts consume me. I am a sickening optimist :D My friends and family always say, if there is no silver lining - that I just paint one myself!
After my diagnoses in 99, it was a long journey to get to be this way. Maybe that is why I take such pride in it, it was hard earned.

Last night was a hard one. The silver lining wasn’t so easy to paint. I want to let you ALL know, with your help….. Today the painting has begun. I thank each and everyone of you. :hug: And my SOS family too! :grouphug: An extra special hug for BMW for helping pick me up and dusting me off :winky::hug:

It was very difficult, but I did make a phone call to one of Lynn’s children. I wanted to arrange a family meeting, but he insisted I tell him NOW, right then. I know that feeling well, so through tears I told him.

I think what frightened me so much is that all of his papers, POA - living will etc, ALL state in his own hand writing that if he is terminal…. He wants ALL measures stopped. He wants the focus to be on the family and comfort so he can die with as much dignity and grace as possible. Alzheimer’s is doing it’s
best to rob him of his last wish, I will not.

What freaked me out, is now that he is termed terminal, that if he got the kids strep next week, they were going to let him die. I do not want to be his POA. I do not want to make these choices for him. My Dad was my back up, he was suppose to be here to help me. Make the tough choices I could not. I was very angry with him yesterday for leaving me!

It dawned on me early this morning, that as his POA, I do have some say in this. If he were to now, today- get strep, the strep is NOT terminal, and I would have a say in his treatment. My doctor believes as he has
progressed so fast late stage 6 now, that end stage 7 will be here within the year. When his body starts to decline as badly as his poor mind, then will be the time to face this. I think the decision will be much clearer then. I asked Lynn’s son to be the Robin, to my Batman. He lovingly agreed. For now… we will be ok.

As much as I do want to be angry at God, and I admit I am at times, I can not turn my back to Him this time.
Now, I need to know He is tenderly holding my Dad in His hands, washing away all of his pain. I need to believe that.

I again thank you all for your support in my moment of crisis. Much love, Nikki

Hello nikkey, I have recently seen your post and if I am correct you are building a memorial to your father, which is so wonderful, hopefully I have not mixed up who you are. Either way, I do not know you yet, I think you have a good heart and to say that good heart is done, is understandable in some ways, but to hide that good loving heart, I feel that would be a sin,

Love evey moment you have, for this illness your hubby has, is not an easy one to cope with. I prayer for strength, for you and guidance to help overcome the I'm done frame of mind. Love pain despair confusion frustration are all natural feelings, that first one, love, being the strongest. Pretty sure if you asked hubby should you give up his answer would be no, we all go through times, that tear us in two, keeping it together is not an easy thing to do, but with hope friends prayers and that strong one again Love, you shall prevail :hug:

weegot5kiz, I thank you for your uplifting post, so very kind:hug:

I am doing much better now, I was just very overwhelmed at the news. With the recent loss of my Dad, it was just too much. (and yes, I am the one working on the garden :)

I know we will make it, I appreciate all the words of support:hug:

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Hi Nik~ Just wanted you to know that I have been reading your thread and didn't feel like I could give you any wise words, but I do want you to know that I am thinking of you and keeping you and your DH in my prayers. You have so much to deal with; so just know that we all care about you.

(My MIL has Alz and I see firsthand the devastation this illness does to a family and most importantly ...what it does to a loved one) take care of yourself!!

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Thank you very much DM :hug::hug: