Well we went to our gripe session and stayed for the whole thing. Pastor got down to business right away skipping over the so- what- seems- to- be- the- problem part as he already knew some of that. He made it clear he and his wife came dangerously close to throwing in the marriage towel while he was studying to be a minister. He then explained the method of counsel that turned them around and he has used since to help save many other marriages.

DH and I are extremely reluctant to try counseling again. Been there, done that, sick to death of it. This method involves dredging up the past from our earliest memories to the present. DH is dead set against reliving his most painful memories. I totally understand why. On the other hand, if I understand correctly, the bulk of the time will be spent looking at how we reacted to the carp in our lives and developing healthier ways to react, not the past hurts themselves.

So now the question is do I or don't I? Do we or don't we? Go for counseling once again. We have a week to decide and it may take me that long too. Excuse me while I have a major meltdown.

(((((((((((Weave)))))))))))

I pray you will go, and husband will be willing to try too

It is never to late to try nomatter what has gone before.....



My God hold you close and give you hope and encourage you to go quickly and not delay.

I also pray you will both find a way to go. Your pastor may be on to something by bringing up the past to resolve your future. There are several things in my past that almost took Jim and I down and it was how we reacted to certain situations that caused it. I was stubborn, hard headed and refused to let any man get the upper hand. I realized that this is because as a child and young woman, so many men in my life had hurt me in many ways.

My dad abandoned us when I was only eight and that alone made me very untrustworthy of any man. I wont go into major details because it's personal but just wanted to you get an idea, that yes, your past and how you react can play a part in how you face challenges. Jim had his own issues as well in that he was raised by a father who was "The man of the house" and was the one who made all of the decisions. He was a good man but raised Jim in a very strict environment.

It was with my spiritual side that I came to know my husband as a woman and not that young child/woman that was afraid he'd take off or hurt me in some way. Of course we were young when this happened but I wanted you to see that your pastor is on to something here. We've been married for 23 years and I wouldn't change a thing. We are who we are today because of all that has happened in our lives.

I don't know your past and I am not sure if it will work for you guys but I do think it's worth the effort, if for one more time. What do you have to lose by trying?

Hey WH! Just checking in to give more support and let you know that I am keeping you in my prayers.

I think it's helpful for you to come here and vent; as it's almost like keeping a journal of your feelings. Sometimes just typing the words gives a feeling of ''release''. I know you are under major stress and I can't tell you not to be, as given the situation; it's a normal reaction.

I hope you are taking time for YOU. Maybe locking a door, putting on calming music, taking a bubble bath, sipping a glass of wine and shutting out the world is just the med you need. It may not keep the stress away for long, but it will give you a lil break from it, if even for an hour.

Take care WH~ we care about you.

PS Sandy~ Sharing reflections of your past in your post was a very kind and generous thing for you to do. It's not always easy to revisit the past, but w/o flaws, we wouldn't be who we are now. (think I stole that from you)

Hugs all around.

After wrestling all day I finally came to a counseling decision last night I was comfortable with. I think I'm going to wait until say Friday and see how things play out at home a bit before letting Pastor know my decision.

Thanks for your stories and input. You are my support system. I let off a little steam by posting and your replies keep me moving forward throughout the day. Your kindness warms my heart in ways you will never know.

Weave, do what is in your heart. I saw your post in Insights and didn't know he was saying those things to you. All I do know is you keep your head up sister and you do what you have to to get through the day.

I agree with the others about going ahead with the counseling. Just take it one day at a time. I hope your little ones are doing o.k. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Darlene

Nothing new to say. Not sure if that is good or bad. So far I have not changed my mind on my counseling decision. I guess I'll let my pastor know today or tomorrow what that is.

DH's birthday is Saturday and we are going away for the weekend as a family. Miss Goody Two Shoes sitting on one shoulder thinks I should buy a small cake and take it along while Livid Lioness sitting on the other shoulder roars no way.

The kids (ages 16 and 12) seem to be doing okay. Neither of them say anything to me really. I'm sure this is hard on both of them and that breaks my heart but I don't see/ hear anything that concerns me. I am keeping my eyes and ears peeled for signs though.

Thanks for your prayers and support.

Weave, maybe talk to them about it. Sometimes teens shut things down as if they aren't happening. I know my boys did when Jim started getting worse because of his ms. I would take them out for lunch and talk to them.

Can't stay, DH told me last night he took today off. That messed up my plans royal! My butt is already in hot water and I get to spend the weekend with him and the kids and the dog in a teeny tiny cottage. We have never taken the dog with us like this and I don't expect that to go well at all. God give me strength. Gotta run.