Honey, I don't know how emotionally abusive your dh was prior to losing his job and all these financial troubles crashing in, but I bet he wasn't much different. I have to go with Jo*Mar about the ultimatim and follow through. You don't need this. Since you have done all that you describe on the internet [most of which I would not know how to start], despite the lack of energy and capability you also describe, you must be much stronger than you think. Many times abusive men are attracted to strong women because they [the men] are weak, when it comes to tough times and accomplishment, even sweeping the floor. They then abuse, because it makes them feel superior, which they are definitely NOT. You are and likely will be carrying the load of two unless you make a change. I'm not saying he cannot change, but he WILL not so long as you are enabling him by staying with him. Count the pros and cons of the break up. I know what you mean by losing the ability to pray. It becomes, but say whatever you can, and the ability will grow. been-there-billie

A Sunday update time.

LOL, a lazy good for nothing, that he is at the moment. But for 42 years he got up everyday and went to work at the same place since highschool. We have been together since childhood. I think a lot has to do with relying on the alcohol to numb the loss of the job. It was the first full time job, and our livelyhood depended on it.

He is still sleeping all day, pacing all night.
I am praying this part time job happens. Even if we can hold out for retirement until next year. he can collect his retirement from ex employer, it was vested. I had a 3 day consult out of town he drove me on and it was so good. No drinking, sadness, and I made almost $800, enough for the mortgage. I was frantic being away from home. I could not have done it with out companionship and a driver. I also feel I contibuted and potentially have saved the client a huge amount of money and liability.

This week has sent me Spinning around.

The dh finally figured out he needs to get out and a part time job is the way to go until something well paying turns up. There are a few prospects.The health benefit papers are completed, except we need dental and eye coverage. A lot of meds are generic except his BP med. If we had the money we could get the meds from Canada. I am hoping to find a generic he can use.

I have my special licensing before the judge to approve and marketing things ready for the printer,maybe I can generate income from the consulting in the next few months.

I am chairman for a volunteer program committee was provided space in the low income housing and hopes are to have start up money to open in mid Sept.

The committee is helping me work on fast funds and grants this week. It is a program for latch key kids. A dream fulfilled. The housing will provide rent free and utility free until some grants and sustainability happens.

I need office space if I will be working now too. I think a good start is the near finished laundry area that has inset washer dryer. I had my beauty salon in there years ago, but a large enough room that I can actually move the computer Hutch and chair in there. I have a fire cabinet safe already in it.

I do need the physical use of the men to move the Rubbermaid tubs from storage out. There is a nice carpet down, not wall to wall, but nice. I have a pullout printer table for the All in One, I need to figure out a way to voice mail to mail box set up.

Scary to face working again with professionals.I had an anxiety attack just going to a local church bazaar for food. I was fearing meeting any of my family.....I didn't though. Hard to stand in line, but worth it.
The body may fail me, but there is a good brain that can contribute from the experience of a life time.

The weekend flew by. I have to be strong enough to get through all the meetings this week.
I need to generate a needs and cost assessment for the program. The business plan is already done.
But, we did not have a place for the program at the time and were applying for grants next year.
WOW for this to happen so fast is great. Will have to hit the public to help with ASAP start up money. We have some, but not near enough.

I am hoping our passports come soon. We are planning a trip to see dsd across the border soon.

I could use getting away, but hate to travel. I know that the dil has not been doing well emotionally and depends on me for help with childcare. I hope everything will be OK for the few days.

I still have not had help with the house work. No I am wrong, I have the cleanest stove next to a new one. Whoopee. If only he would do my floor.
I had laundry day today. That is always a challenge. Everyone is taking hints if the baskets are at the top of steps, carry to the bottom and visa verse.

I can't lie, everyday is a challenge. I pray that until Wed, we have enough TP, and I learned to make tons of $5 meals. But, the garden is not letting me down either.

Rambling on, I hope that I have more good news this week, and that the employment in the household works out. Lots of Prayers.
Blessing to my friends,

honey

I'm so sorry you're still going through all this HoneyBear.

Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers, and I pray this part time job comes to fruition to help you out. Sendig you my love...

((((((((((((((((((Honeybear)))))))))))))))))

may all the potential positives you mention come to fruition and bring better days. Praying for God to uphold you in His strength and bring you joy in unexpected places.